Page 159

The shit makes me question myself daily. Question if the love I thought I felt for Adele was ever real. I’ve went over and over in my head wondering why it was so easy for me to go against everything I thought I didn’t want and desire to give it toyou! The first time you cried in my arms, I knew then that I’d give up everything to make you happy. Because at some point Talitha, you made me feel like I was enough. For once in my life, I didn’t fear being abandoned. Didn’t feel like I was being tolerated. You think I don’t know the shit with Adele was inappropriate. Like I’m not smart enough to know that she groomed me for her own personal desires.
You know why I latched on to Adele so hard? It’s cause she gave me the love that my mother never cared to give. Was it wrong? It absolutely was. But I accepted it because I was a kid longing to belong, to be loved.That’sthe reason I’ve kepther around as long as I have. Adele never switched up on me. Character flaw or not… day in and day out she’s remained the same. You can say whatever you want about her to make yourself feel better. But you, Talitha Howard, youruinedme. I told you my biggest fear and you turned around and did just that. You don’t think I knew what I was doing when I nutted in you. Has it ever crossed your mind that I may have intentionally done the shit? I don’t do anything without thinking of every consequence.”
“You did this on purpose?”
“You got damn right I did. You want the truth. There it is. I asked you if you were in the space to receive my love. You hesitated. I thought if I gave you something I swore I didn’t want, you would realize how fucking much I cared for you. You did the opposite. You hid it instead of talking to me about it.”
The two of us were standing in the middle of the conference room at my very busy tech firm having a verbal sparring. Everybody in the fucking building was now privy to my business and that shit had me livid.
“Who are you?”
“Who I am no longer matters. Who you don’t want me to be is the fucking devil. Don’t force my hand, Talitha. You won’t win.”
“Make sure you tell her if she pops up at my house again, I will drag her ass.”
“She came to your house?” I asked, because I didn’t even know Adele was still in town.
“Yes she did. Telling me I needed to fix this. She didn’t build you up for me to tear you down,” she mimicked. “I should’ve beat her ass.”
“Not with my baby in your stomach, you shouldn’t have.”
“That twisted bitch willneverbe around my child! Fucking pedophile,” she seethed.
“I don’t give a fuck who’s around as long as I am. I love you. I’ve spoken my peace. If you can’t accept me then we can figure out a way to parent this child as amicably as possible.”
“You think I don’t want to be with you?”
“I don’t know what you want Talitha. You don’t talk to me. You keep your feelings bottled up. It’s always me expressing myself.”
“I show it.”
“Do you?” I countered. “If you did… why do I feel left out?”
“I told you why Law.”
“That’s not a good enough answer for me.”
“I don’t want to fight with you.” She sighed and plopped down in one of the chairs. “I can’t take being at war with you. I haven’t even finished grieving Gema.”
“Talitha, I’m not trying to be at war with you. All I’m trying to do is love you. That’s all I want. To love you. I know how hard things are for you. I stayed away because we needed space. Not because I wasn’t happy about the baby. Hell, I probably want the baby more than I want you,” I chuckled.
“Don’t start with me Harvey,” she groaned. “Honestly, losing Gema was hard. But the thought of losing you is harder. I can’t lose you, Law.”
“Love. You’re not losing me. Tell me what I need to do, and I will do it. But Talitha, you have to be willing to meet me halfway. I can’t do it by myself. I’m damaged just like you are. I might be a little more put together but I’m struggling.
I’ve brought my Mother here so we can work on our relationship and now I’m fighting with my love. You don’t think I’m tired.”
“I know you are. Can we call a truce?”
“The way you rolled up in here showing your ass, I don’t know. Can we?”
“You lucky I didn’t swing on you. That’s really why I came down here.” She laughed.
“Had you put your hands on me love, I would’ve bent you over this table and wore your ass out.”
“Gosh, Harvey,” she moaned. “You can’t say shit like that to me. My hormones are raging, and we haven’t connected in over a week.”
“Go home. I’ll come over after I go apologize to my colleagues.”