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‘How about a compromise? A picnic in the park and a walk afterwards. How does that sound?’
‘It sounds divine.’
Vic went through the plans for the villa redevelopment with grim determination. He had been doing nothing but work to get this thing off the ground, but for some reason, every time he looked at those plans, he thought of Addie. He pictured her beautiful face with its sunny dimpled smile and those cute freckles. He thought of her tawny brown eyes that shone with delight when she looked at him…apart from the last time he saw her, of course. He rubbed a weary hand down his face, wondering if he was ever going to get these plans back to the architect with his final tick of approval. He kept stalling, finding details to be sorted out, minor things that he wouldn’t normally make a big deal about, but he had turned into a pernickety person who found fault with everything and everyone. He was turning into a version of his stepfather.
Vic gave a mental cringe and looked back at the plans. He tried to ignore the heavy feeling in his chest, the weight of something pulling at his body like an anvil hanging from his heart. His heart.Dio, the last thing he wanted reminding of was his heart. He had no interest in dating. His playboy lifestyle had a pause button on it and he didn’t see it switching on again anytime soon. He had lost all enthusiasm for anything but work, but even that was unsatisfying in a way it had never been before. It didn’t numb the feelings of loneliness like it used to. He was worn out with trying to batter them into submission.
Vic turned his attention back to the architectural plans in front of him, but his gaze drifted to the grotto and something grabbed him in the guts like a clawed hand. It was one of the last places he had been with his father before he died. Memories of his father’s smile came to him in a flood, ambushing him with their vividness. It was like travelling back in time, seeing himself as a young boy who idolised his father. Who loved his father with every cell of his body. And that love was returned. The love of his father had been his anchor, his guiding light, his everything…until his father died. Vic pushed the plans away in despair. He couldn’t bring himself to work on them. If he was honest with himself, he was fast losing interest in developing the villa into a hotel. Those few days with Addie and little Katerina had reminded him of what his villa used to be like before his father was killed in an accident. Back then it was a home full of love, full of laughter and fun and joy. Of course it was a big place, too big really for a family of three, but his parents had hoped to have more children.
Vic pushed back his office chair and got up from the desk and went to look at the view from his office. London was spread out before him in all its glory. The buildings and bridges, Big Ben, the river and parks and greenery all as familiar to him as his own features. Why was he feeling this wretched loneliness? He had ended so many flings and felt nothing. But now all he could think of was Addie. She was somewhere out there in this huge city, going about her life, just as he was trying to do. Was she missing him the way he missed her? Was she trying to distract herself with work and finding it impossible to remove the memories of their time together?
His gut cramped again.
Was she with someone else?
Vic was not a jealous man. He had no need to be. He had never wanted someone enough to trigger those feelings. Until now. He hated the thought of someone else being with Addie, giving her the fairytale she longed for and deserved.
You deserve it too.
Vic shook his head, wondering if he was going mad. There was a voice inside his head that kept prodding at him, but until now he had always been able to ignore it. A voice that told him he had got it all wrong, that he was ruining his life by not opening his heart to love. It was as if a vault inside him had been cracked open, shining light in all the dark places, revealing a truth that was worth more than anything else on the planet—love.
His love for Addie.
A weight lifted off him as he allowed himself to examine the feelings he had ignored and shut down before. He could not believe how foolish he had been to throw away a chance at happiness, at fulfilment, at finally being a whole person, brave enough to love someone even though he might one day lose them. That was the risk everyone who loved had to take. Addie had taken it and yet he had let her down, broken her heart by refusing to acknowledge his own feelings for her. Because of course he had feelings for her. Feelings that had crept up on him, surprising him by their intensity. Was that why he had fought so valiantly to ignore them? Feelings were something he had avoided since losing his father. He hated the thought of loving someone so much that they might be taken from him or he would fail to protect them from harm. But was it realistic to think that way? Life was unpredictable because life was out of his control. It was out of everyone’s control. The only thing he could control was his response to what life threw at him. And life had thrown him a chance at happiness and he had pushed it away. Why had he been such a stubborn fool? He’d thought he was doing the right thing, the best thing by avoiding long-term relationships in order to protect his heart from further hurt. But hadn’t the last few weeks shown him that it was more painful to stop himself from loving Addie?
Was it too late?
Vic arrived at her doorstep half an hour later. He took a deep breath and pushed the doorbell, but all he got was the sound of it echoing in the silence. His heart began to hammer. His stomach tightened. He had missed his chance. He had thrown away the one chance he had to be happy with someone who understood him, who got him, who was sensitive and kind and loving enough to see past the armour he had built around his heart. Vic pressed the doorbell again, his breath locked in his tight throat where his heart seemed to have climbed. When there was no answer his stomach plummeted like something falling from a tall building. He fished out his phone and called her but it went straight to message bank. He sent a text, but it showed her phone had switched off notifications. His heart throbbed in his throat like a wild creature. Where was she? He tried to get past the panic in his head to think clearly, to think rationally. There could be any number of reasons why Addie wasn’t at home right now. His memory snagged on a conversation they’d had at one point when she’d talked about her work, how she worked extra shifts on weekends so others could be with their families. Her kind-hearted nature was one of the things he most loved about her. He hailed a passing taxi and got in, and then had to stop himself from asking the driver to speed to the after-hours veterinary clinic.
The taxi driver stopped at a red light.
‘Come on, come on, come on…’Vic said under his breath, willing the traffic lights to change from red to green.
The lights reminded him of himself, how he had put a red light on his emotions. Stopping himself from feeling anything that could endanger his heart. But he had turned off the red light now and was allowing himself to feel the full depth of his love for sweet and beautiful Addie.
Addie was working overtime at the after-hours clinic because one of the other vet nurses had called in sick. It meant she wouldn’t be home until late, which didn’t normally bother her, but talking about Vic to her mother over their picnic in the park earlier that day had brought the pain back with a vengeance and she found the thought of going home to an empty flat depressing. She had to get over him. She had to move on. She had to stop clinging to the rope of hope, while swinging over a chasm of despair that threatened to consume her.
Addie distracted herself by checking on the new litter of puppies delivered that morning by an emergency caesarean. The mother, a gorgeous Cavalier King Charles spaniel, was still drowsy from the anaesthetic, but she was contentedly feeding her two puppies, a boy and a girl.
‘How are you doing, Coco?’ Addie crooned softly to the mother, while stroking the tiny backs of the puppies.
‘There’s someone here to see you.’ Sanaya, the night shift nurse who was to take over from Addie’s shift, popped her head around the door and added in a stage whisper. ‘Tall, dark, handsome. Said it was urgent.’
Addie’s heart skipped. Her skin tightened. Her pulse raced. Her dying hopes breathed in a breath of much-needed air. She moved back from the puppies’ crate and tried to get her emotions under control. ‘Thanks. I’ll be out in a second.’
‘A second is too long,’ Vic said and strode in as if on a mission no force on the face of the earth could distract him from.
‘Sir, you can’t just storm in here—’ Sanaya said, looking cross and flustered at the same time.
‘It’s okay,’ Addie said. ‘Can you take over reception for a couple of minutes?’
Sanaya nodded and giving Vic an up and down look, went back out to reception.
‘It was rather rude of you to barge in here—’ Addie began.
Vic took her by the upper arms in a grasp that was so firm it was almost painful. He looked haggard, his eyes had dark shadows beneath them, he had lost weight and his hair looked like it had been repeatedly combed with his fingers. ‘Do you know the agonies I’ve gone through tonight? I’ve been waiting outside your flat, calling you repeatedly on the phone, sending message after message, but you didn’t answer or show up. I thought something might have happened to you.’
‘As you can see, I’m alive and kicking, well not exactly kicking but you get the drift.’