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Benedikt winced as he nicked his throat, dark red blood welling against white foam.
That was what had catapulted him out of her bed. The fear that, despite the altruistic spin he put on his actions to protect the country, he was a chip off the old block. So intent on getting his own way that he saw others as necessary collateral damage.
Would Annalena really have been such a threat to the crown? He understood her well enough now to know she’d have abided by an agreement never to undermine his rule or that of his heirs.
Heirs.
His pulse quickened. Not because he was eager for kids, but imagining Annalena, rounded and ripe with his child. His visceral response was so profound he almost dropped the razor, finally collecting his wits and reaching for something to staunch the dribble of blood down his throat.
Despite the condoms it was possible he’d made her pregnant. They’d been very…enthusiastic and he’d enjoyed foreplay so much that at least once he’d been tardy putting on protection.
Yet he felt no panic, or sense of walls closing in as he had before when considering a family of his own.
Coming from a nightmare family situation, marriage and children had never appealed. Only the eventual need for a royal heir had made him consider taking a bride, hence his pragmatic interest in the Countess.
It wasn’t just that his father had been cruel. Even without that, his mother would have been desperately unhappy, in love initially at least with a man incapable of softer emotion.
As for raising children… He’d always thought bringing a child into an unhappy family was a crime. He knew how a child could be used as both a hostage and a prize. Then there was the question of whether he had what it took to be a good parent. His father had been appalling and anything but a good role model and his mother, though she’d tried, hadn’t been able to make up for her husband.
Listen to yourself! It’s still all about you, isn’t it? What about Annalena and her needs?
He rinsed the razor then washed his face, blotting it with a towel.
He couldn’t give Annalena what she wanted. The full-time career to which she’d dedicated herself. A man who’d cherish her. She’d admitted when he’d first mentioned marriage that she’d hoped one day to find someonerightfor her. Benedikt knew that was code for love.
Pragmatic in other ways, she was still a romantic.
He didn’t trust love. He’d never seen it work. It had brought his mother only unhappiness. Even his much-admired grandfather had married a woman who’d helped him make his first million.
But Benedikt would do everything to make this new royal life as easy as possible for Annalena. He’d respect and trust her.
They’d be partners. Partners with benefits.
He’d find a way to make that enough for her.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Annalena woke tofind her head turned towards the car window as they drove through darkness. Benedikt was beside her in the driver’s seat. The vehicle was climate-controlled but shefeltthe warmth of his body and registered the unique tangy scent of his skin.
After last night’s intimacies her physical awareness of him had turned into something more, as if he’d imprinted himself on her psyche and her body.
She knew she’d be able tosensehis presence anywhere. She felt that awareness now in the pit of her stomach, a coiling consciousness, and in her chest, expanding as she inhaled that tantalising scent.
All the more reason to her keep eyes closed while she gathered her wits. It had been an eventful day and she needed to process it.
She’d woken feeling more alive than she ever had in her life. But disappointment had consumed her on discovering Benedikt’s absence. They’d spent the night entwined, even when they weren’t having sex. Annalena was careful not to confuse sex with making love. Even if that was what it had felt like—his gentleness, his care and his passion.
Just as well she was a pragmatist. She understood the way she’d felt last night, and her searing disappointment at his desertion this morning, must be products of her inexperience. Losing her virginity was a major event on top of weeks of strain and high emotion.
No wonder she’d felt so much.
When she became acclimatised to physical intimacy she’d be able to separate her emotions. It was just that last night had been so…
She had no words. Wonderful didn’t encompass the depth of her emotions as she’d hugged Benedikt to her and felt him spill himself inside her. When he’d taken such care with her that it had seemed not like calculated patience but tenderness, almost reverence.
She stifled a snort. The illusion hadn’t lasted. Waking alone and naked, the bed cold around her, had brought her back to reality.
They’d share the crown and their bodies but emotions weren’t part of the deal.