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“It’s not easy for me too, Wolfe, I’m as much a victim as you are. But I know where to cast my blame and it’s never with you. Stop blaming yourself. Those doctors are the monsters here, not you. You’re as much a victim as we all were.”

“You lost your womb all because of me, you lost your life. What I did to you was so traumatizing that you had to lose the memories just to survive. But even with the lost memories, you still had nightmares every night because even if your brain forgot, your subconscious never did. All because you met a male like me.” He turned and faced her then. His eyes were glassy and…

She has never seen him look so defeated. His shoulders slumped as if his world really came to an end. As if the agony of his feelings were as heavy as the weight of the world and they have crashed down on him.

Tears filled his eyes but he still looked straight at her with that empty expression he has mastered so well. Ismena was almost sure that he was not aware that he was crying.

He looked her straight in the eyes, “I am a strong male, you know. I know how strong and powerful I am. All these years I clung to my strength and my will to keep me sane...to survive. But even I have a limit to what I can take. Even I…”

“Wolfa—“ she tried cutting in.

“…have a breaking point. You know what I thought when your father told me the whole story?” he took a shuddering breath, “I wish I died eighteen years ago. I wish I never survived those labs.”

Another tear fell from his unblinking eyes, “But after he died and six days later living with this new knowledge, with the pain ripping my heart apart…I wish I was never born.”

CHAPTER 41. SELF-LOATHE: How Can I Heal...?

When the tears splashed on his chest, he blinked deliriously as if it was a dream he never expected to see them. He had no idea that he'd been crying.

Taking a deep breath, he wiped the liquid from his eyes and cheeks.

"It was not your fault, Wolfaraine. Why do you have to take the blame for everything?" Ismena asked vehemently, "You were drugged. You did not drug yourself. They drugged you. It was all their fault."

He didn't say anything for a very long time.

"Those nightmares you have, they were because of what I did to you. You know that right?"

"If I know that they were because of what you were forced to do to me? Yes, I know." She deadpanned, skeptically.

He turned and looked at her. His throat bobbed, "Do you finally have a recollection of that memory?"

"Yes," she averted her eyes, "It's hazy, but it's no longer a blank slate. Eighteen years have passed."

"Your father said you died. You fought for so long but it was just too much, and you died. I ended your life. Twice."

"And you saved my life. Twice." She stated vehemently, "Your blood is running through my veins, a good reminder that I would have died right there in that hospital if it wasn't for you. I had three months to live...three. I was diagnosed with Coronary Heart Disease and I only had three months to live but you saved my life. I've been here for more than three months and I've never felt so alive."

His nostrils flared and he snorted indignantly, "You think it was a coincidence that you suddenly developed a heart disease that couldn't be cured by your world's medicine?"

"What do you mean by that?" Her brows furrowed in confusion.

"My blood is running through your veins." He stated matter-of-factly as if it answered everything, "A few of us here in Naturiah have a genotype called R:R with the blood group of A+. I am one of the very few. My blood can do some damn powerful, unusual things that shouldn't be done; for example, it kept you alive. But to some, it's a deadly poison that kills instantly in contact with their own blood."

"My blood is dominant, no matter how little enters your bloodstream. It means that there are some illnesses you'll have which your world's medicines will be useless against. Your heart disease could have been cured in your world if my blood wasn't running through your veins, but it was, so you needed Naturiah's medicines."

Suddenly, some things clicked into place. While she was growing up, there are some days she'll get some huge headaches but no matter the drug she took, it wouldn't go away. It'll stay with her and eventually go on its own. But, human drugs never cured them.

"Damn monstrous humans." He said bitterly, "They were experimenting on us, thinking they can use our blood for their selfish gains, they have no idea. There's always a price to pay for every miracle out there. If not that you met me when you did and came to Naturiah when you did, you would have died, Ismena."

"But, I did come. I am here, with you. And you are saving my life again." She stepped forward, looking him in the eyes, softly but bravely, "No matter how much you try to discredit everything by twisting your importance in my life, it still doesn't change a lot of things."

"You don't understand, do you?" He asked, his eyes cold and hard behind the pain. "You wouldn't be dying or diedat allif you hadn't met me." He never shouted, but he didn't have to. His words were just as impactful.

"But I did meet you, didn't I? I met you and I'm here. And I'm still alive."

"God, no wonder we are so compatible." He wasn't hearing her. He seemed to be talking to himself. "We were too compatible, even in the beginning. The hunger was uncontrollable. Still is." A pause. "I could practically feel every strong emotion you feel and we aren’t even mated yet. No wonder the Wolf wanted you instantly. You were Pouty and my blood runs through your veins."

Ismena felt chilly, she crossed her arms around herself. She wanted his arms, but it might as well be wishful thinking. The self-loathe in his eyes was staggering.