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PERSPECTIVE

CONNOR

My pack’sanger reverberates through my body every second of the day. Nate hasn’t been home since our dinner, content to stay next door until Daphne kicks him out. The one time I tried to talk, he flat out told me until I fixed things with her, I was free to leave him the fuck alone.

Dez is speaking to me, but it’s surface level stuff since he told me off after Daphne left.

The door slams shut, and Dez turns to me with more disappointment than I’ve ever seen on someone’s face. His tense body sways. He wants to go to Daphne. Wants to be with her like Nate is. I hate that I do, too.

“That was fucked, Connor. You owe her an apology.”

“I know.” My gut rolls in time with my throbbing cheek, guilt threatening to take me to my knees. My brain tells me I did the right thing, but my heart’s desperate to find Daphne and make this right.

“Do you?” Dez counters. “Because I’ve noticed how you are with Daph, and I guarantee she has too.”

“What are you even talking about?” I didn’t fight them when they asked to court her. I was polite, despite the fact that I’m not interested in an omega, even one that smells like her.

“Don’t play dumb.”

My frustration’s already too high and I snap. “What the hell do you want from me, Dez? I said it was fine if you court her.”

He doesn’t flinch at my tone. If anything, he pulls up taller. Ready to fight if he has to. “I want you to figure your shit out and realize that you’re throwing away a good thing for a past that’s long gone.”

Fucks’ sake. “How many times do I have to go through this? I don’t want Shelby.” I growl out every word as if he needs the reminder.

“Maybe not, but you’re still letting her control your life.”

“How? I haven’t spoken to her in years.”

“I’m not talking about out here.” Dez waves a hand around us, then taps one strong finger to my temple. “I mean up here. You’ve always let her rule your thoughts and apparently, that hasn’t changed.”

“That’s unfair.”

“No, what’s unfair is damn near screaming at a woman because she has the audacity to leave her shitty exes. For not telling you they haven’t signed the paperwork, which is out of her fucking control. You saw a woman not sharing her trauma on day one as a red flag and ran straight toward it, Connor.”

“She lied.”

I’m grasping at straws, trying to maintain the whole fucking reason I got upset, but the more I do, the more I realize it was a mistake. I knew it before Daphne left, and I’ve known it ever since.

Dez looks so disappointed, I almost wish the floor would swallow me whole, if only to get away from him. “If anyone’s a liar, it’s you, Con.”

Then he walks away, leaving me with an empty house and a heart full of regret.

For two days, he’s has spent every waking moment in his temporary garage studio. Away from me.

I thought my pack was fractured before, but a week in our lives and the cracks I caused with Daphne are turning to trenches. Canyons I’m not sure we can cross to get back to each other even if we wanted to.

I haven’t seen or heard from her. That’s my fault too.

After my text yesterday, I let it be. Told myself that I was putting the ball in her court, but really, I didn’t want to face the consequences of my actions. Still don’t.

I can’t get that look out of my head. The way she shut down like there was no light in her. No life. I did that. I took this beautiful, vibrant woman, and I made her feel so bad she disappeared right in front of me.

What’s worse, I’m scared to apologize because I don’t want to hear her rip my brothers’ futures away because of me. Some leader I am.

Unwilling to spend time in an empty house, I’ve taken to sneaking over to Pack Cole’s. Playing until my whole body’s sore, and I’m too exhausted to do anything but fall into a dreamless sleep. Drumming is a release I crave more and more. A safe space to let my frustrations out where they can’t hurt anyone else.

Today’s no different. I’m in the zone, foot tapping the pedal as I wind toward the bridge of a song we perform regularly. Sweat drips down my neck and the tension builds and builds.