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Dear Ivan,
Ignore it? How can I?? That guy is just a friend from the band, there’s nothing going on between us. I will admit, he kind of unexpectedly grabbed me for the picture. He probably just got caught up in the moment.
As for your other comments, thank you, those words mean so much to me coming from you.
I can still remember your face like it was yesterday. You were so gentle when you held my hand, you made me feel so safe. I remember it all and wish I could see you again. Are you ever coming back to Chicago??
Sincerely,
Emmy
6/21
If he’s not your boyfriend, tell the boy to back off. He shouldn’t be touching you like that if you’re not interested. I don’t know when I’m coming back to Chicago.
6/22
Dear Ivan,
He doesn’t have much opportunity to put his arms around me, so I’m sure it won’t happen again.
Hannah’s getting a place with Nikolai, so it’s officially going to just be my mom and me from now on. I know she’s been gone the whole school year, but there was something comforting about her room still being her room, and her things still being in the house. It’s a strange adjustment even though I knew she’d end up moving in with Nikolai.
Oh, this is weird! I was contacted by Briggs University—where Katya, Hannah and Nikolai go and was told I was chosen for a music scholarship. The weird thing is, I never applied for a scholarship there. When I asked about it, the guy just said I was automatically entered?? Do you think it’s the same guy who paid for high school or is this just a random coincidence?
Love,
Emmy
6/30
It’s a coincidence. Just take the opportunity to learn for free and be close to your sister.
7/1
Dear Ivan,
Okay, I will, but you have to admit it’s a crazy coincidence. I saw Katya yesterday. She said you guys don’t talk much. Is that true? Are you not in contact with her? I didn’t mention that we sometimes talk. In fact, I haven’t told anyone. I don’t know why, it just feels…private. This is why I feel so close to you, why my relationship with you is so important. It’s this place I can be myself and share. I know you probably don’t want to hear it, but you have become synonymous with safety and comfort for me.
I still hope we’ll be able to see each other some time in the near future.
Love,
Emmy
9/14
Happy Birthday, Emmy.
9/15
Dear Ivan,
Thank you! It was good to hear from you. It has been a while. I got a little bit worried. I know your job is dangerous, even though I don’t know what you actually do. Things here are okay.
My mom is acting weird. She keeps talking about wanting to get a new job because she feels like she’s hidden in the diner long enough. I have no idea what that even means but when I asked her about it, but she just plays it off, but it’s pretty obvious there’s something more going on. It’s frustrating that she won’t tell me. Nobody thinks I can handle hearing the truth. I’m not fragile, I’m not a baby. I don’t need everyone’s protection. I’m 18 now, for god’s sake, but everyone just sort of coddles me—my mom, Hannah and Nikolai, sometimes even my friends.
I know you said I have this aura about me, but it doesn’t mean I can’t hear the truth. I like how you are direct with me, how you don’t treat me like I’m delicate. Like, I know you won’t tell me about the benefactor, but I assume it is as you said. A person who wants to remain anonymous. You explain things to me, you’re honest. That’s why you mean so much to me, why this connection means so much to me.