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“Yeah, I guess,” I answered, aware that I sounded dejected, but unable to muster the energy to sound more upbeat.
“How about we get some food?”
I perked up. “God, yes. I’m starving. I could use a mountain of junk food to drown myself in right now.”
Hannah got up and opened the fridge, her finger tapping her chin as she inspected its contents. “Hm, we don’t really have much in here that fits the bill.”
“We could order something,” I suggested.
“Oh, good idea.”
Nikolai walked into the living room. “Hey, I just got a text from your mom. She has a pipe that’s leaking under her sink, and she asked if I could come over and take a look.”
Our house was old and frequently in need of repairs. Since Nikolai was always more than happy to take care of these things for her, when something broke, she automatically reached out for his assistance.
“Oh, should we all go? Then maybe we can clear the air,” I suggested optimistically, eager to sort things out with my mother and resolve the guilt that sat like a lump in my stomach.
Nikolai looked pained. “She specifically asked that I come alone.”
Hannah and I looked at each other as pain lanced through my chest. My mother had every reason not to want to see me right now, but the knowledge still scraped the inside of my chest like shards of glass. “I understand,” I murmured.
Hannah came to my side and gave me a consoling hug. “She’ll get over this, Em, I swear.”
“I know, it’s just…tough.” I replied, swallowing back tears.
Nikolai heaved out a heavy breath but said nothing. Emotional support of anyone aside from Hannah was not his area of expertise. “I don’t feel good about leaving you two alone.”
“Oh, no, you have to help her,” I practically shouted, unable to handle the idea of my mom sad, alone, and dealing with leaky plumbing.
He grimaced, his unhappy eyes landing on Hannah. “I don’t—”
Hannah interrupted. “This place is a fortress. We’ll be fine.”
He heaved a sigh. “Fine, I’ll head to your mom’s and take care of this as fast as possible.”
Hannah glanced at him speculatively. “Maybe you could…”
Nikolai shook his head and pulled her to him, rubbing the line of her jaw his thumb. “No, baby. You can’t rush this kind of thing.” He kissed her forehead, as if in consolation for his words.
“I know, you’re right,” she agreed reluctantly.
“Okay, I’ll probably be back in about an hour, at the latest. I don’t need to tell you to stay the fuck here and don’t even think of letting anyone in, do I?”
“No, you don’t. I think we’ve had enough reminders lately to be smarter than that.”
“Good. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He pulled Hannah in for one last kiss and headed out.
Hannah and I were quiet for a moment, the air still heavy with our mother’s decision to not see us.
More specifically, to not see me.
As if reading my despondency, Hannah wrapped her arm around me and tugged me toward the living room. “How about we watch something fun on Netflix?”
“Yeah, okay, I could definitely use a break from reality,” I replied glumly as I plopped down on the couch.
Halfway through our first episode of “The Great British Bake-Off,” my phone chimed. I looked at the message, assuming it would be Ivan. I was eager for another distraction, as long as it didn’t contribute to my current misery.
It wasn’t Ivan.