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His lips pressed together and he looked decidedly ill-at-ease. “I bought it when I heard you play it in your room.”
I gaped at him. “You did? All the way back then?”
“Yes.”
“Did you understand when I first played it…it was sort of about you?” I asked, annoyed to feel my cheeks heat with embarrassment. Even though we were together now, looking back at some of my juvenile pining was utterly cringe-inducing.
Ivan shot me a smirk. “I may not be brilliant at emotional shit, but I’m not totally clueless, Emmy.”
I smiled sheepishly. “Why did you buy the song?”
He reached up and caressed my cheek, his gaze beaming with reverence. “Because even though I was fighting the hell out of it, I was fucking crazy about you. The way you looked when you played that song was…breathtaking. Ethereal and powerful, delicate and magnetic—you blew my mind. You demolished all the walls I spent years constructing, but I couldn’t even be really mad because, fuck, you’re so goddamned amazing.”
Astonishment rendered me speechless, the fullness in my heart making it hard to breathe. My eyes prickled, but thankfully these were happy tears rather than the torrent of misery I had just experienced.
He continued. “Don’t think for one minute that I don’t know you could do so much fucking better than me, Em. I don’t blame your mom for wanting better for you—you deserve the absolute best.”
“But—”
He gently placed his fingertips against my lips. “I know you deserve a normal guy, who has a normal job and can give you a normal life. But I’m fucking selfish, and frankly, obsessed. There’s no way I could ever let you leave me. I have a hard time even letting you out of the room, let alone my life. I’m probably going to end up driving you fucking crazy.”
I gave a short laugh, mystified at how strange life is, what a crazy whirlwind my life was. My father bringing me to the edge of hysteria, my mother triggering blazing fury and debilitating remorse in the same conversion and now this. This hard, remote, damaged man showing me the tenderest parts of him to make me feel better, to make me feel fully loved. It was practically incomprehensible.
I reached up and put my hand on his cheek, so we were almost mirror images of each other. “Thank you for telling me that. I really needed it.” My voice broke slightly on the last word.
Ivan leaned in and gave me a sweet, soulful kiss on the mouth. “Let’s go home.”
Ivan parked the car after the mercifully short drive. I wanted to climb in bed with Ivan and stay there for a month.
Chapter 49
Ivan
I headed off the campus, shooting concerned looks at Emmy. I knew letting her come to this thing was a fucking mistake, but I never would have imagined that Armstrong would actually approach her. If I’d managed to get to her faster, I would have been hard pressed not to shove my gun in his mouth and pull the trigger. My stomach twisted as I remembered the haunted, terrified look on her face when I finally got to her. Every second Armstrong continued to live, my fear that Emmy would be taken from me skyrocketed.
Leaning over, I kissed the top of Emmy’s head as she slumped against my arm. I knew when she was upset, she needed my touch, needed to feel grounded and safe. The altercation with her mother had completely depleted her, as the weight of her angry words seemed to settle on her shoulders like a boulder.
When Emmy’s mother demanded that she come home with her, I had a moment of sickening agony rip through me that Emmy might actually go with her. I’d been fully prepared to yank Emmy from her mother’s side and make a run for it. But she didn’t go with her mother. She stayed and fought. There was still a lingering tender ache in my chest in the way she defended me, openly declared her love for me. I wondered if there would ever come a day when my reactions to her wouldn’t blindside me.
I was relieved when the apartment building came into view. Nikolai’s building ended up being a perfect choice, big enough to have the security I craved, but small enough that I could keep track of all the other tenants, making sure no one could have unexpected access without me knowing.
I was just about to pull into the parking lot when a text nearly had me driving off the road.
Mikhail had just arrived in town.
“Fuck,” I murmured looking down at his terse text to meet him at the warehouse.
“What?” Emmy turned her sleepy blue-gold eyes to me. Fuck, she looked exhausted. My chest tightened with affection and concern. All I wanted to do was hide her away and keep her out of everyone’s reach but mine, let her recover from all the chaos surrounding her.
“Mikhail’s in Chicago. Wants to meet.”
All signs of fatigue vanished as her eyes widened. “He’s here? Now? From Russia? Did you know he was coming here?”
That was another troubling fact. I had no idea he was coming to Chicago. Paranoia started to buzz through my system like a shot of espresso. “No, I didn’t. You go to Hannah’s place.”
Her lips tightened. “I bet Hannah’s still with Mom,” she replied quietly, guilt sitting in her refined features.
I pulled into the parking lot, then turned to her and gripped her chin. “Emmy, you’ve been through a lot. A fuck of a lot. Give yourself a break. All that shit was eventually going to come out. Now you can all start dealing with it.”