Page 76

“What did you do that made you feel like you’re bad? How are you disobeying Rex?”

“I want to go after Anex—to let Agent McNair use me as bait to draw him out.”

He weighs this, ultimately admitting, “It’s not a bad idea.”

“Thank you.”

A smile flickers on his lips and then vanishes. “But I understand his hesitation. We just got you back. The idea of putting you at any risk is terrifying.”

“It wouldn’t be dangerous. I’d talk to Agent McNair. Do it the right way.”

“Honey, there is no right way when it comes to dangling you in front of Anex like a piece of meat. He’s unpredictable—probably more now than ever before.”

The rejection of my idea stings—more than it should. It’s irrational, a deep-seated need that I can’t shake. Maybe Rex was right. I want to feel pain and putting myself in harm’s way is one way to get it.

“You just said I have free will—then you’d be okay with me going against your wishes too?”

“I’d want us to keep talking about it and come up with a solution we all can agree on.”

Well, now his reasonableness is just pissing me off.

“What if I ran out that door right now and snuck past the agents? What if he has one of his men out there and they catch me? What if I finally lured him out—getting him to expose himself?”

His forehead creases. “You’re trying to get a rise out of me.”

Grinding down on him, I say, “I’m trying to getsomethingon you to rise.” He holds my hips, forcing me still. A dark laugh bubbles in my chest. “So this is how it is.”

“How what is?”

He’s going to make me say it. Fine. “Without the Corrections you don’t want me.”

“What are you talking about?” His eyebrows knit together. “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

It’s a lie. He knows exactly what I’m saying, but if he wants me to, I’ll spell it out. “I know what we did together was messed up. I know it was Anex manipulating and controlling us—forcing us to break down our boundaries so that he could exploit them later, but…”

“There’s no but, Imogene, it was wrong,” he swallows thickly. “Treating you like that wasn’t right.”

My heart sinks. I thought if anyone would understand it would be Levi. That what we did together in the dark of his room, or down in the basement of the Center, was more than just punishment. Humiliation rises to my cheeks. “I’m sorry,” I say, scrambling to get off his lap. “This was stupid—I should go.”

I turn to rush out of the room, to anywhere but here, but a figure steps in front of me and grabs onto my upper arms.

“Silas. You’re awake,” I breathe. “I was just going to bed.”

“You were running away.” He releases me and runs his hand through his hair and glances over at Levi, who is frozen in his chair. “So yeah, I heard all of that.”

My cheeks burn even hotter. “Well, forget it. I made a fool out of myself.”

“Babe, you didn’t. Look, all this stuff is fucking confusing. I get it. I’m confused. Just so fucking confused. There’s real and not real. Our desires mingled up with manipulation. Where our wants end and Anex’s conniving begins.” He scrubs his face. “Trust me, I know.”

Silas’ body has been used for Anex’s whims and greed for years. It’s fair for him to be conflicted. Me? I’m not so sure.

“Then what do we do?”

“We don’t let him continue to control us.”

I look to Levi and after days of reading and focusing on moving ahead with his life, it’s clear he’s struggling. With clenched hands, he admits, “I don’t know if I can give Imogene what she wants without losing myself.” His voice drops. “And I don’t know if I can give her what I want without her losing herself.”

“Go on,” Silas says, crossing his arms over his chest.