Page 74

“Rex,” Elon calls, but his voice is faint, a distraction lost in the years of pent-up anger. The grief over my mother. The rage at my father. “Anex set you on a fool’s errand. If he wants to keep sending people after us, then go for it. We’ll take you out one by one.”

“Rex!”

A voice cuts through the fog.

Hervoice.

“Rex, please.”

I release him, and he makes a loud, choking, gasp for air. My hands shake and it takes everything in me not to finish him off. I want to. More than almost anything else in my life. Anything but her.

I turn and see her standing at the bottom of the stairs, expression worried. Silas and Levi stand behind her, watching me closely.

“She did this,” I tell Erik. “She saved your ass. Remember that.”

I storm off, pretending I don’t hear Erik gasping for his life. Or feel the eyes of my friends as they witnessed me turn into a monster. I find myself in the hallway off the kitchen and open the only door—the room the agents are using, and slam the door behind me.

“Fuck,” I mutter, running my hands through my hair.

The door opens behind me and then shuts. I don’t have to look to know it’s her. And as much as I want to push her away when she wraps her arms around my waist, for her own good, I don’t.

“Hey,” she says, “what happened?”

“I wanted to kill him,” I reply simply, sinking to sit on the edge of the bed. “He threatened you and I just… snapped.”

“It’s understandable. He attacked us.”

“It’s not understandable.” My skin feels hot and my stomach churns. “It’s not okay to strangle the life out of another person. If I’d killed Erik, how would I be different from him? Or my father?”

She sighs and pushes her way closer, nudging my legs apart to stand between my thighs. “It’s understandable that you reacted this way. You’ve been pushed to the edge, Rex. Tortured. Forced to torture others. Watching your friends get sent away. Watching me get carried off with the explicit intention of becoming your father’s wife. You’ve sold yourself as much as Silas has. Demeaned yourself to keep others safe. Fought as much as Elon. All under the pressure of being your father’s heir.”

“I tried so hard not to turn into him. Everything I did was the opposite.” I rub my eyes with the heel of my palm. “I pushed to live outside Serendee. I partied and drank and smoked. I fucked around, and lived hard, Imogene. All I wanted was to get away from the son of a bitch.”

“But you stayed for me.” She reaches for my fingers, linking them with her own.

I snort. “It wasn’t a selfless act, little lamb.”

“I begged you to stay. I’m the one that foolishly thought there was good in Serendee. That I could reach Enlightenment.”

Her tone is filled with disappointment. In herself or in Serendee, I don’t know. What I do know is none of this is her fault.

“I hurt you, Imogene. Not just that day in my father’s chamber.” I wince at the memory of beating her with that paddle, how I bruised and battered her tender flesh. “I hurt you the day of the Ordering. I hurt you when I forced you to your knees, humiliating and exploiting your innocence and naivety. I was cold and callused when I forced myself on you and took your virginity.” I feel sick thinking about it but I can’t stop. Not now. “So many times, I had the chance to treat you better and I didn’t.” I look down at where our fingers curve together like links on a chain. “I don’t deserve you. Especially not out here in a world where women get to choose their fates.”

“I don’t blame you for those things.”

“You should. You should never want to be around someone like me again. You have the opportunity to start new. Go live your life with someone that isn’t a monster who is still fighting the urge to go back in that room and end that man’s life.”

“You know what I think?” she asks. When I don’t look at her or answer, she continues. “I think that’s why Anex sent him here. He wanted you to lose control and question everything. He does know us. He knows you, he programmed us to fall into line. He knew exactly how to get you to react and behave like he would.” I swallow and look into her blue eyes. “Like a ruthless leader who will do anything to get what you want.”

I let her word sink in, a bit of the fog and anger clearing. “You mean like how he killed my mother to ascend to the position of power that he couldn’t while she was alive or while Camille lived in Serendee.”

“Exactly.”

I pull her hand to my mouth, kissing her knuckles. The adrenaline slowly starts to wane. “I don’t deserve you.”

“That’s not for you to decide.”

God, this woman. “He won’t give up until he destroys us all, you know that right?”