Page 38

Story: Indulgent

The muscle in the back of his jaw tenses and releases. “He’s doing this to dehumanize us to one another. To force us to see one another in our most base moments, so we’re unattractive and unappealing. And maybe with anyone else it would work, but every moment with you just makes me want you more.” Below his waist, his hand moves, tugging down his pants and exposing his hard erection. His hand wraps around his shaft and he tugs upward, Adam’s apple bobbing as he reaches the tip. “All I ever fucking want with you, Imogene, is more.”

Heat unspools in my belly, a hot coil wound inside. The warmth flickers out from there spreading first to my arms and legs, then to my nipples and between my thighs. I understand what Rex is saying because I feel it too. After the time here together, I only love him more.

“Touch yourself, baby,” he says, leaning his forehead against the surface. I run my hand down my body, over my tender breasts and stomach, down between my legs. He licks his lips and nods. “That’s it. That’s my girl.”

His words spur me on, fingers sliding between my slippery folds. My breath hitches and I press against the glass. Our bodies are separated, but our movements fall into sync. The push-pull, the shuddering want. Keeping my eyes wide, I take in the long line of muscle on his forearm, that tenses as it draws up and down his cock.

Rex’s shoulders quiver, his eyes meeting mine. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I say back, feeling it bloom in my chest, feeling itexplodebetween my legs. I’m all alone in that room when the orgasm comes. Alone as Rex’s guttural groan bounces off the cold, oppressive, walls. Alone when we’re both finished, nothing left but the greasy print of our bodies on the glass.

We spend the day that way. Eating our now cold breakfast. Telling small stories to pass the time. Fall asleep. Alone, but together, satiated but sacrificed, until the streaming light from the window wakes me the next day. A twinge in my belly draws me to my side, and my eyes meet Rex’s as he lowers himself to the floor to start his workout. His mouth lifts in the smallest smile.

I rise, tossing my legs over the side of the bed, feet on the cold floor, warmth between my legs. Blinking, I look down and see the spread, dark and red, like a flower blooming across the bottom half of my night dress.

Movement across the room draws my gaze, and I see Rex, pressed against the divider, eyes wide and focused on the red.

My period.

The Way has spoken.

Rex is mid-pushup when Margaret arrives. He hasn’t spoken since he saw my bloody panties, the closeness of the day before gone. Just like any hope I’d had of getting out of this.

“Rise and Shine,” Margaret calls, giving me the worst sort of déjà vu. I’ve already changed. My soiled panties are wadded in a ball. I don’t hesitate to hand them to her without a word.

She sets the trays down and looks at the balled-up cotton. Her lips are turned down, but she unfolds them, revealing the dark stain. “I knew it would come. Just in time.”

Up and down. Up and down. Rex never stops, even though his muscles are quivering from exhaustion.

“What now?” I ask, bracing myself for the sharp pain of another cramp. I haven’t missed these.

“You’ll go into Preparations.”

“Already?” Every Ordered female goes into Preparations three days before the Mating Ceremony. It’s a secret, mystical time. I used to crave knowing what happened, to be one of those women elevated to the next step, but after everything I’ve been through, after the branding, the idea sends a tremor of fear along my nerves.

Nothing good comes from being Chosen in this world.

“I told you, Imogene, your bleeding came just in time. It’s a sign from The Way. The equinox is in three days.”

It takes everything in me not to slap the grin off her face.

I’m using every ounce of energy trying not to cry.

Her hand stretches out. “We should go.”

“Wait.” I glance at Rex. Sweat drips down his temple. He stares forward, never glancing my way. Why won’t he look at me? I just need to see his eyes. To feel their warmth. To know he still loves me.

Otherwise, how do I survive?

“Imogene, everything changes now. All of this,” her hand waves around the cell, “all of this vanishes. Your bleeding is proof that you’re worthy. That Anex was right to have persevered. It means you are no longer Fallen. The Reeducation worked.”

I drag my eyes away from Rex and look at this woman, wondering if I ever sounded this delusional.

“Everything,” she continues, “goes back to the way it was supposed to be.”

“How was it supposed to be?”

She grins. “We’ll be true sisters. Spiritual sisters, bonded together with Anex in union.”