Page 6

But they had, so I'd improvised something on the spot, managing to open the door to the mausoleum and sneaking inside.

Since then, it has become my haven.

Inside, a tall coffin resides in the center, with a few items on the side. The rest of the room is bare, and spacious enough for me to hang around. I've even caught a few naps now and then, but during winter it's harder to sleep, since the floors get very cold.

I sit down, resting my back on the coffin, and I take a deep breath, willing myselfnotto cry. Not today.

Blinking twice, I look around, spotting some used but unfinished candles.

Maybe…

The thought spurs me into action, and I assemble some of the candles, looking for something to light them.

When I'm about to give up, I spot a small box of matches right next to the coffin. Taking it in my hand, I quickly open it to see a couple of matches left.

Yes!

I make quick work of the candles and I lay them in front of me, drawing my knees to my chest and watching the flames dance around.

"Happy birthday to me," I whisper, my eyes getting increasingly moist.

Using the end of my sleeve, I dab at the tears, telling myself it's not worth it.

It happens every year. Why should this time be more painful than all the others?

All the other girls get some type of birthday celebration. All but me that is.

Since the nuns say I'm the devil's child, they believe that the day of my birth wasn't a joyous event, but a cursed one. Why would they celebrate a cursed day?

So I've had to watch from the sidelines, year after year, how everyone gets their little day when they are the most important person. And I'm just forgotten.

"Why does it still hurt?" I ask myself, unable to answer the question.

Maybe it's because I finally found some type of acceptance with Lina and Claudia. Or because, once in a while, my brother, Valentino, remembers to visit me. I'd even met my other brother, Marcello, once, years ago. He'd been kind, yet distant.

Like all the others.

Staring into the candlelight, I muster the courage to make a wish.

I wish for someone to love me above all.

I decide to be selfish and ask for everything I want, knowing it's unlikely I'll get it.

I want to be someone's everything… Someone's reason for being.

Closing my eyes and picturing the warmth of that love—my soul suffocating from too much love—I blow into the candles.

Maybe this time will work.

I sigh heavily, knowing deep down that it's all for nothing. I wonder how long it will take for my hope to die?I have long years ahead of me in this awful place. Enough to sap even the last drop of hope from my spirit.

I wish I could at least understandwhy.Why had my family abandoned me? Did they also think I’d bring bad luck? That I'm so contemptible?

They must.

Resting my head atop my knees, I tighten my arms around my body, huddling myself into a small ball to preserve the heat.

It's getting late, and the nights are chilly, especially given the all-marble building.