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In the meantime I find more intriguing facts about this shaman that everyone callsEl viejo.One of the most powerful shamans in Peru, he is one of the few ones reputed to be able to see both the human and the spirit dimensions.

Of course, I try my hardest not to snort every time Joaquin starts gushing about his prowess.

"He'll see right through your skepticism," he tells me as we begin our journey.

"You of all people should know I'm not doing this because Ibelievein it. It's simply my last resort."

"Then we might be making this journey in vain.El viejowill know. And this treatment is only for those who feel the calling." He grunts, clearly unimpressed with my lack of understanding for their tradition.

"You know I mean no disrespect, Joaquin," I address him in a playful tone, "but I'm a man of science. Surely you can see how these claims look from my end."

"And yet you're here, seeking to benefit from those claims."

"Trial and error, nothing else," I smile, "I'm merely testing the validity, even though the science behind it is flimsy at best."

"There are chemical agents in these plants that have been shown to help with disorders of the psychiatric realm," he replies.

"I agree. But there's a big difference betweensomebenefits and life-changing moments, as some profess."

"Then you'll just have to see." He shrugs. "And judge for yourself whether it will be life-changing or not."

Starting from Manu, we have to venture off the beaten path deep into the rainforest. According to Joaquin,El viejo's dwelling is somewhere close to the border with Brazil.

The journey should take us a couple of days with a few stops in between.

The moisture in the air makes it hard to breathe, the direct heat from the sun messing with my senses. Joaquin is used to the weather, and to venturing into the rainforest, so for him it's a piece of cake.

We walk for close to ten hours, and Joaquin becomes increasingly more good natured as he starts interacting with the wildlife, telling me stories and facts about each animal.

I chose him well.

As expected, as a former ranger, he is very familiar with the area and with the dangers.

When the sun goes down, we finally take a break, making camp next to a huge kapok tree.

"Why now?" Joaquin asks as we sit around a small fire, roasting some meat we'd brought with us. "I've known you for years, Vlad, and you've never given any indication that you'd want to change."

"Different circumstances." I shrug.

Joaquin had been the first one to suggest seeking a shaman for my issues, citing a disconnect between my heart and my psyche as the main reason for my attacks. I'd disagreed, after all my heart is merely an organ that pumps blood. Nothing more, nothing less. Yes, it keeps me alive, but it does not dictate anything else.

I may have been wrong, though.

I'd never understood before the meaning of heartache, or heartbreak, or anything relating to the heart. Why would a perfectly healthy organ hurt? Biologically the only explanation would be an incoming heart attack, or a heart ailment of sorts.

But now…

I close my eyes and I see Sisi, her entire body covered in bruises and bite marks, blood pouring from her wounds. She'd looked beaten and on the verge of passing out.

And for the first time my heart had hurt.

Like a fissure slowly starting from one end and reaching the other, I'd felt a bolt of lightning go through that organ that'sonlysupposed to pump blood. My chest had suddenly felt heavy, and I'd had a hard time breathing.

Heartache.

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VLAD