Page 198
Story: His Hell Girl
But she's gone.
And I just lose myself.
PRESENT
It's all foggy as I can no longer differentiate between what's real and what's not; what's past and what present. There's a pounding in my ears as everything becomes static noise. My pulse is elevated, blood thumping in my veins and clouding my judgement.
I only feel a deep hole in my chest—the size of the hole I put in my sister's as I'd ruthlessly killed her.
Years. So many years I spent searching for her killer when I could have just looked in the mirror.
Vanya…
What's left of my heart breaks even more as I remember her words.
I don't want to hurt anymore.
Whose fault was it that she hurt?
Mine.
Because I'd spiraled out of control, my ego the size of a skyscraper as I thought I had all the answers. A kid of barely eight taking on the entire world and revolutionizing science.
Laughter bubbles in my throat as I realize how much I'd allowed Miles to play with my head. He'd turned me into a robot ready to do his bidding.
And I killed her.
Everything comes rushing in. All the events from twenty years ago are suddenly crystal clear in my mind as I see myself engaging in all sorts of experiments, being the lab rat and the lab coat.
Vanya…
I can't help it as I fall to my knees, my teeth bared as a howl escapes me, all the pain I'm feeling threatening to overpower me.
Vanya…
My kind sister who never hurt anyone. My twin.
Once my everything.
I can't do it. I can't come to terms that these two hands that I'm staring at were the cause of her death. I used these fingers to wrap them around the hilt of a knife, stabbing her heart until all the blood poured out.
I can't.
My body starts trembling, the pressure building inside of me reaching a boiling point.
And I snap.
I barely realize how I move or when I move. Adrenaline is coursing through my veins, my entire body pumped up and ready for destruction.
I only feel the wind caress my skin as I glide on the floor, my fists ready to wreak havoc, my only purpose to raise hell.
I need chaos. I feed off of it. Because only in chaos can I silence that voice that tells me I'm my sister's killer.
Ineedthe chaos to survive.
And theyneedto die.
Moving forward, I grasp on to Miles' feeble body, all rational thought leaving me, and only one purpose remaining.
And I just lose myself.
PRESENT
It's all foggy as I can no longer differentiate between what's real and what's not; what's past and what present. There's a pounding in my ears as everything becomes static noise. My pulse is elevated, blood thumping in my veins and clouding my judgement.
I only feel a deep hole in my chest—the size of the hole I put in my sister's as I'd ruthlessly killed her.
Years. So many years I spent searching for her killer when I could have just looked in the mirror.
Vanya…
What's left of my heart breaks even more as I remember her words.
I don't want to hurt anymore.
Whose fault was it that she hurt?
Mine.
Because I'd spiraled out of control, my ego the size of a skyscraper as I thought I had all the answers. A kid of barely eight taking on the entire world and revolutionizing science.
Laughter bubbles in my throat as I realize how much I'd allowed Miles to play with my head. He'd turned me into a robot ready to do his bidding.
And I killed her.
Everything comes rushing in. All the events from twenty years ago are suddenly crystal clear in my mind as I see myself engaging in all sorts of experiments, being the lab rat and the lab coat.
Vanya…
I can't help it as I fall to my knees, my teeth bared as a howl escapes me, all the pain I'm feeling threatening to overpower me.
Vanya…
My kind sister who never hurt anyone. My twin.
Once my everything.
I can't do it. I can't come to terms that these two hands that I'm staring at were the cause of her death. I used these fingers to wrap them around the hilt of a knife, stabbing her heart until all the blood poured out.
I can't.
My body starts trembling, the pressure building inside of me reaching a boiling point.
And I snap.
I barely realize how I move or when I move. Adrenaline is coursing through my veins, my entire body pumped up and ready for destruction.
I only feel the wind caress my skin as I glide on the floor, my fists ready to wreak havoc, my only purpose to raise hell.
I need chaos. I feed off of it. Because only in chaos can I silence that voice that tells me I'm my sister's killer.
Ineedthe chaos to survive.
And theyneedto die.
Moving forward, I grasp on to Miles' feeble body, all rational thought leaving me, and only one purpose remaining.
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