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She ignored everyone as she made a dash back towards the green room. I couldn’t just stand there. I went after her, wrapped my hand around her upper arm, and spun her back to me.
“Get your fucking hands off me!” Her lip was curled in a snarl, but there was no heat in her words. Her pupils were dilated, her lips parted. She was well on the way to a panic attack.
Knowing I had to cut it off, but also knowing the last thing she would take from me were kind, encouraging words, I chose aggression. “What the fuck is wrong with you? You’re gonna throw away a lifetime of dreams, years of work, because you’re too chicken shit to stand up in front of a few thousand people?”
Her gaze snapped to me, a flash of anger cutting through the terror. “What the fuck do you care?”
“I don’t, particularly. I’m just protecting my investment,” I shot back.
That seemed to do it. It took her a moment to absorb the impact of my words, but when she did, her eyes narrowed. The fear and panic was replaced by a fierce determination. “Fuck you,” she spat, squaring her shoulders and storming back to the band, pulling them into a tight huddle. Though I couldn’t hear her words, the change in everyone’s demeanor was clear.
Breaking from the huddle, Stef strode onto the stage like she owned the place. As the lights dimmed and the music started, it was like she was drawing energy from the crowd. The stage fright was gone, replaced by the raw, captivating presence I knew she possessed.
From the sidelines, I watched, a mix of relief and admiration flooding through me. Despite the complexity of our relationship, seeing her conquer her fears and take command of the stage was nothing short of awe-inspiring.
CHAPTER 13
Stefania
The last chord of our set still echoed in my ears as I stumbled off the stage, the cheers of the crowd a fading backdrop. Holy fuck, that was amazing! Jen and Marcus were waiting in the wings. I plastered a huge smile on my face when Marcus pulled me into a big bear hug.
“Fucking amazing!”
“Thanks! It was touch and go there for a minute.” Of course, I was embarrassed by my little dance with stage fright, and the best way to deal with that was to make fun of it.
“Nah, I always knew you could do it.”
“Well, I appreciate the confidence.” I moved past him to hug Jen, then totally ignored Grayson, standing in the shadows like a…Dammit, like something that fucking annoys you when it stands in the shadows, watching you. I just didn’t want that measured scrutiny I always got from him. I was riding the biggest post-show high of my life, sharing the moment with my band, trying to pretend everything was peachy. When it wasn’t. Because beneath all that, there was the low buzzing feeling in mymuscles, letting me know I was skating close to the edge. It was a warning sign I was all too familiar with.
In the green room, the energy was still high, everyone riding their own adrenaline waves. I slumped into a chair, trying to look more relaxed than I felt. My body was ramping up its messaging. The slight heaviness in my limbs, a certain fuzziness in my thoughts. Yeah, yeah, I fucking get it. I grabbed a water bottle, taking long gulps, hoping to wash away the creeping weariness. There was still so much to do. I couldn’t afford to slow down now.
“Stef, you were on fire out there!”
“You weren’t so bad yourself, Reggie.” I managed a grin, even though all I wanted was to close my eyes for just a few minutes. At least my voice sounded steadier than I felt, because right now, I was calculating how much more I could push before my body pushed back.
I got one of those searching looks from Miriam. Dammit, she saw too much. I needed to distract her. “You played your heart out tonight, Jones.”
“There was so much energy in that room. I’ve never felt anything like it.”
“Me either. I bet Eliza can’t wait to hear all about it.”
“Oh, crap! I said I’d call her as soon as it was over.”
And just like that, Miriam was hustling out of the room, her phone already in hand. Mission accomplished. I rested my head against the back of the couch and closed my eyes. In about half an hour, I’d be crawling between the crisp, white sheets of a hotel bed. I could hold out until then.
As they did after every show, Reggie and Evan sat across from me, dissecting every moment of our performance in minute detail, figuring out what worked and what didn’t. I loved it, so I sat there, my hands folded across my stomach, listening to them.
Until Marcus came in with an interesting announcement, that is. “I’ve just stepped out to arrange for the van to meet us at the stage door and there’s a slight problem.”
“What’s that?” My pulse stuttered at the sound of Grayson’s deep voice, and I winced, forcing my eyes open.
“The driver can’t get through the throng of fans gathered there, yelling and cheering and refusing to leave.” Marcus was jubilant, rubbing his hands together like he always seemed to do when he was excited, grinning at everyone. “So how do we all feel about a little meet and greet?”
Miriam came back in, slipping her phone into her back pocket, just as Marcus continued. “Then I thought we could hit the town, really celebrate in style.”
“Fuck yes!” This was from Evan and when Reggie quickly agreed, I felt my stomach drop. Going out bar hopping was the last thing I wanted to do right now, but it would look super fucking suspicious if I backed out.
“What about you, Stef?”