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While witty repartee can be difficult, humorous or wry observations often come naturally to us writerly types. Consider sharing your protagonist’s inner commentary as a way of infusing scenes and character interactions with humor and insight.

Thoughts can hint at future actions, foreshadow events, or reveal important clues that advance the mystery without directly stating them in dialogue or action.

Internal dialogue can build tension by showing what a character knows, suspects, or fears, especially if it contrasts with what other characters or the reader knows. People are constantly thinking, reacting internally to what happens around them, and this inner monologue helps readers connect with the characters on a deeper level.

Internal dialogue also allows you to explore themes more deeply, such as justice, morality, or identity, by showing how these themes impact the character internally, influencing their decisions and growth.

Things to avoid when writing internal dialogue

1. Overuse:Relying too heavily on internal dialogue can bog down your narrative, making it feel sluggish. It’s like adding too many solos in a song or slow songs in a set list; balance is key. Mix internal thoughts with action, dialogue, and description to maintain pace and interest.

2. Telling Instead of Showing:New writers might use internal dialogue to tell readers how a character feels instead of showing it through actions or interactions. While internal dialogue can reveal thoughts directly, it should complement, not replace, more dynamic ways to develop character.

3. Lack of Distinct Voice:Just as every character should have a unique spoken voice, their internal voice should also reflect their personality, background, and experiences. Beginners might write internal dialogue that sounds too similar across different characters, missing an opportunity to deepen character portrayal. Now, in a cozy mystery, the odds are strong you will only be inside the head of your protagonist, so this is probably not a huge concern unless your character’s inner voice sounds like they have a split personality.

4. Inconsistency:Internal dialogue must be consistent with the character’s development and the story’s context. New writers might inadvertently include thoughts that contradict a character’s established traits or knowledge, disrupting reader immersion. Your protagonist’s inner voice should match their outer voice.

5. Anachronisms or Inappropriate Language:Especially important if your cozy mystery is set in an earlier time. The language and thoughts should be appropriate to the time, place, and world. Also, not to belabor the point, but cozy mystery characters don’tthinkswear words any more than they say them aloud.

6. Forgetting the Reader is Listening:Don’t make the mistake of having your sleuth reflect on something that has yet to happen in the story! Make sure internal dialogue doesn’t reveal too much too soon, undermining suspense or mystery. Conversely, make sure your protagonist’s thoughts aren’t too cryptic or vague, leaving readers confused. Finding the right balance of revelation and concealment can enhance tension and engagement.

7. Ignoring Subtext:Sometimes, what a character doesn’t think about directly—or thinks around—can be as revealing as their explicit thoughts. Beginners might miss the chance to use omission or evasion in thoughts to hint at deeper secrets or internal conflicts.

8. Not Integrating with the Narrative:Internal dialogue should feel like a seamless part of the narrative, enhancing and deepening the story. New writers might insert internal thoughts awkwardly, making them feel like interruptions rather than integral parts of the narrative flow.

9. Unrealistic Thought Processes:Characters’ thoughts should mimic real thought processes, including fragments, nonlinear jumps, and emotional reactions. Beginners might write internal dialogue that’s too polished or formal, lacking the authenticity of genuine thought.

Crafting effective internal dialogue is about enhancing the reader’s connection to your characters and enriching the narrative without overwhelming it.

Speak to Me of Love

Even though cozy mysteries follow the traditions of mystery fiction, in the gay cozy mystery, romance is going to play a nearly equal role to the investigation. Which very likely means romantic dialogue is going to take place at some point. So, let’s talk about the dangers of overly lovey-dovey or unrealistically lyrical dialogue, and why it can utterly ruin an otherwise romantic scene.

You know how adding too much sugar to a dessert can overwhelm the palate and detract from the overall delectability of a dish? Too many sweet nothings, dialogue that’s too flowery or saccharine, can actually undermine the authenticity and emotional impact of the moment you’re trying to create.

Real people rarely speak in poetry or grandiose declarations of love, especially in intimate moments. When characters do, it can make the scene feel disconnected from reality, making it hard for readers to relate or believe in the relationship. My husband and I are both writers, and we’ve never used metaphors or similes on each other, to my recollection.

The beauty of a romantic scene often lies in its simplicity and the genuine connection between characters. Overly ornate dialogue can create a barrier between the characters and the reader, making the emotion feel manufactured rather than organic.

Also, if the rest of your narrative maintains a certain tone or style—we’ll call it the cozy mystery voice—a sudden shift to overly romantic or lyrical dialogue can feel jarring and out of place. Consistency is key to maintaining immersion and emotional investment.

Characters should speak in a way that’s true to their development and the story’s setting. A gruff and stoic cop suddenly waxing poetic without a good reason is liable to be funny for all the wrong reasons.

Finally, when every romantic interaction is dialed up to eleven, it desensitizes readers to the relationship’s emotional peaks. Saving the most heartfelt declarations for pivotal moments helps preserve their impact.

How to Craft Authentic Romantic Dialogue

Often, what’s left unsaid in a romantic scene is just as powerful as what is spoken. A look, a touch, or a simple phrase can carry a wealth of emotion. Subtlety can be far more effective and realistic.

Incorporate everyday language that reflects how people actually speak when they’re in love. This doesn’t mean the dialogue can’t be beautiful or heartfelt, but it should feel grounded in reality and true to the character.

Ensure the dialogue fits the characters and their relationship’s development. Two scientists might express their love through a shared discovery, while artists might reference a favorite piece of art, but both should feel true to who they are. My husband has a certain line from Chandler he quotes now and again.

Realistic dialogue often includes humor, flaws, and imperfections. People swallow at the wrong time, their voices get husky, they stumble over words. An emotional declaration isemotional. For everybody.

Reserve the most lyrical or romantic declarations for significant moments in the relationship. This buildup makes these moments feel earned and impactful.

And, by the way, read your romantic dialogue aloud. If that dialogue sounds like something out of a melodramatic play rather than a moment between two real people, you probably need to take it down a notch.