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“Eva—”

I cut Colter off before he can make any excuses for me. “Here I am crying, feeling sorry for myself, and you’re the ones who lost a sister.”

“But you lost a best friend,” Cooper exclaims. “Our grief doesn’t outweigh yours. Your sadness is as real and as warranted as ours.”

I want to argue, but Colter doesn’t give me a chance to rebuff his brother. “Rah was our sister, but she was also your Fah—the center of your world as you were the center of hers.”

Pain passes in their eyes, and I want nothing more than to comfort them.

“But it’s my fault,” I argue.

Colter’s jaw clenches and releases before he demands, “Did you hold the blade to her arm?”

I cringe, his bluntness lands like a kick in the chest

“No, but?—”

Lifting my chin until I look up, Cooper declares, “There’s no but here, Eva. Farrah had her demons—some we knew of, others we didn’t, and they swallowed her before she could get the help she needed.”

“How can you not blame me?” I probe, confused by their forgiveness.

“That’s easy,” Colter murmurs. “It’s exactly what Rah would want us to do. Anything less, and she’d have our heads.”

I laugh between sobs because they’re right. Farrah would have throat-punched them if they tried to hold a grudge.

Glancing between them, I wipe the tears from my cheeks. “How do I save myself from drowning? I’ve been treading water every day since she’s been gone, and I’m running out of strength to hold myself up while I wait for a life raft.”

“Let us help you escape,” Cooper suggests, making me angry.

Don’t they know I’ve been trying everything to run from my intrusive thoughts?

“How?” I shout, jumping from the bed. “How can you silence the monster in my head?”

I desperately want to believe them, but my skepticism is running too high. Nobody has been able to quiet my inner critic entirely.

“You need to forgive yourself,” Cooper implores. “You can’t carry around this burden. It’s a parasite—feeding off your turmoil and insecurities.”

Licking my lips, I profess, “It’s not fair that I’ll be whole when Farrah is dead, especially when my brother could’ve played a role in her ultimate demise.”

Cooper’s nostrils flare while he clenches and unclenches his hands into fists as he watches me from where he stands.

“See. You can’t even quell your anger at what Callum might’ve done.”

Cooper shoots off the wall and storms over, stopping in front of me. “There’s no—” I wait for Cooper to finish, but he swallows his rebuke and blinks away the storm brewing in arctic-blue eyes. Then he leans down and captures my mouth with his, catching me by surprise. Using my gasp, his tongue slides between my parted lips while fisting my hair.

The kiss is a full-on assault. There is no option but surrender, and that’s exactly what I do.

Moaning, I allow him to take control, relishing in the ferocity of his hunger for me. I don’t ponder why he’s doing it… I don’t even question if I should be kissing my best friend’s brother. No, instead, I press my body into his, enjoying the feeling of his erection when our bodies collide.

Colter stands behind me, running his long fingers up my shoulder. Then he brushes my hair to the side and leans in. “Close your eyes, and let us help you find forgiveness.”

25

colter

I never anticipatedwhat it would be like to be in Eva’s presence as she broke down. It’s so different to be in the room with her as it happened.

When we witnessed her devolving through the cameras, I could disassociate from the raw feelings she displayed. They felt exaggerated—as if she was purposely emoting for attention even though she didn’t know anyone was watching.