Page 30

Whirling around, Eva shouts, “Farrah.” In her haste, she bumps the frame at the edge of her desk. The shattering glass spreads across her bedroom floor. “No. No. Please,” she begs. “Please… please… please.” Then, without thought, she snatches the photo of her and Farrah from the ground, ignoring the broken glass.

A shard of glass pokes from the back of her hand as crimson liquid trickles down her fingers.

“Fuck,” Cooper snaps. “Doesn’t she feel that?”

Gawking at her inability to sense the pain, I retort, “She’s not—she can’t feel the physical—she’s too lost in the emotional pain. Everything else is void.”

Eva Rose drops to her knees, not even wincing at the gashes I know are being embedded in her skin.

A ball forms in my throat, threatening to undo me, and I find myself nearly asking Coop to shut it off. We don’t want her mind fractured, at least not yet, but I don’t say anything. Instead, I swallow back into the pit where my heart sits. Because fuck feelings and fuck sympathy, they are buried with my sister. Eva doesn’t deserve a moment’s peace—she barely deserves to continue to breathe. Hate claws up my spine, scorching any remnants of understanding—killing any hope for forgiveness.

I watch as my sister’s murderer cries at the broken frame, running her bloodied fingers around the edge.

Eva’s head hangs, stealing our view of her sadness, but it rolls off her with such force. Her shoulders are hunched, shaking from obvious crying.

Then I tilt my head and smile before hitting play again.

“You left me. Where did you go?”

My body tenses as the melodic timbre of Farrah’s voice fills Eva’s room, and I have to fight to keep the gaping hole in the center of my chest from filling. I never want to care about anyone so profoundly again. To care means to feel, and to feel means heartbreak for when they undoubtedly leave you with a fraction of the heart you had before them.

“I’m sorry, Fah. I didn’t mean to… I just… I just…” Eva’s words trail off. She doesn’t muster the energy to see if she’s really hearing my sister. “I didn’t know Fah… you have to believe me… I didn’t know.”

“You didn’t know what?” Cooper demands, slamming his palm against the desk as if she can hear him.

Then she lies on the floor, hugging the frame to her chest. Tears roll down her face. She looks so lost and alone. A girl whose family would give her the world and love her unconditionally seems to be mentally on an island of her own making. The same girl who smiles the brightest and laughs the loudest—she’s the one who has the darkest demons and the greatest pain.

“I promise I’ll make you proud, Fah. I’ll live the life you would’ve in your stead. All my experiences will be yours, but my pain will be my own. You don’t deserve to carry that burden. You’ve already carried enough of them for me… it’s my turn.”

Cooper stands, but I refuse to look away from the broken doll we’ve only just begun to play with.

“Do you think we should listen to Mom and just leave her alone?” he questions, grabbing my attention.

Glaring up at my brother, I hiss, “Don’t fucking grow a conscience now, Coop.”

He rubs the back of his neck. “I’m just wondering if this will be worth it.”

I swear, sometimes we take turns playing “good guy, bad guy.” It was just me wondering if we should do this. There’s something in Evie’s eyes that tempts me to walk away from our plan, but then I remember my sister lost her life and she’s responsible for our loss.

We’ve bled for Farrah, mourned her, ruined ourselves for her—and somehow it’s still not enough.Yet here Coop is losing his balls for the murderer.

“You sound awfully a lot like someone losing their backbone,” I grumble. “What? One sad face and a few tears, and you suddenly feel guilty?”

Cooper’s face flushes red with anger. “Farrah would castrate us for this. Even if she never spoke to Eva again, she wouldn’t want this,” he argues.

Standing, I kick back my chair and meet identical glacial-blue eyes. “She’s not here, though, is she, Coop?” I push him, and he is forced to step back involuntarily. “She’s not fucking here, so she won’t speak to Eva again. And do you remember why?” I growl, running my fingers through my hair so I don’t punch him. “Because she’s fucking dead. She can’t tell us not to—she won’t be able to ever again!”

Cooper pauses, his eyes widening in shock, peering down to the spot where I pushed him, and I know I fucked up. He charges across the room, tackling me to the ground.

“You think I don’t know that you fucking prick?”

He pulls his arm back, ready to strike a blow just like Eva did earlier, but I propel up, twisting so he’s on the ground.

“Then stop going fucking soft. She doesn’t deserve it,” I snarl, pointing at the monitor where Eva is now cleaning up the mess.“She still gets to make mistakes—Rah doesn’t. She still gets to laugh, cry, and feel pain—Rah doesn’t. Eva fucking Pierce gets to live—Rah fucking doesn’t,” I roar.

We both fight for control, and neither of us is willing to cede it.

“Evie, what the hell happened in here?” Eva’s roommate booms, forcing us to stop.