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I turned to him. “For the best?”
“Well, part of my conversation with my boss today was him telling me that if I'm going to become partner, I need to stay dedicated to the firm. If I had a family, I couldn't do that.”
“Why would he say something like that?” Indignation spread through me for him. Why would an employer say something like to Jonas? It should be illegal.
“Because I left yesterday. I put you first, and he didn’t like that.”
Guilt rocked through me. I had threatened Jonas's promotion and upset his future in a matter of minutes. “I'm having a hard time right now,” I admitted.
He shook his head. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“No, I am,” I said. “I don't want to be the person who takes you away from your dreams.”
His eyes connected with mine, taking me in. “What ifyouare my dream?”
41
Jonas
Mara and I had sex that night, but it didn't feel right like it had before. It was like there was a wedge between us. A baby-sized bomb that would go off if we got too close. I felt dumb for bringing it up. Because really, she was right. We'd only been together for a short period of time, but in a lot of ways it felt like I had known her so much longer, and I wasn't the kind of guy to mess around. When I was ready to jump, I was ready to jump.
But I couldn’t keep thinking about that. Because any time I pictured a future without Mara, it was wrong. But the idea of giving up the kind of family I’d grown up with… that didn’t feel great either.
So I tried to keep my mind off it by going into the office on Sunday while Mara spent the day reading and writing. Monday morning, I got up to go to work, Mara got up to help Mom with her dialysis, and we gave each other a chaste kiss goodbye.
The entire time she was at Mom's, I wondered what they were talking about. If my mom had somehow convinced her that having children wasn't the scary thing she thought it was. Or if Mom would be upset because I knew she wanted to be a grandma someday.
Around eleven, Mom texted me and asked if I could come over to the house for lunch. Dread immediately took over as I imagined being chastised in front of Mara.
I said sure but reminded her I couldn’t stay too long because Mr. Rusk definitely had his eyes on me, whether they were his or someone else's. So at lunch, I got into my car and drove to the house.
When I arrived, I noticed Tess’s car was in the driveway too. My stomach sank. The last time Mom had us all over on a weekday was her telling us she was going into kidney failure, and that no matter how many times we offered, she would not be accepting a kidney from Tess or me.
My body was stiff as I walked into the house, bracing for the worst, but when I walked through the door, everyone greeted me, smiling. If something was wrong, no one had been told yet.
Mom held up a bag from Flanagans. “Got your favorite,” she said, “a Reuben with extra sauerkraut.”
Mara laughed. “Can't wait to kiss you later.”
My family cracked up, but I couldn’t find it in myself to laugh. I just wanted her to hold me and tell me I hadn't messed everything up. I sat at the table with the rest of my family as the food was divvied up. Despite the amicable conversation, I felt in my gut like something was going on, but no one was saying anything.
“I’m dying over here,” I said. “Why are we here?”
Mom smiled across the table at my sister. “Tess just said she wanted some time with our family before the wedding planning got too busy.”
I looked to Tess for confirmation, but she wasn’t meeting my eyes. Instead, she and Derek were exchanging glances.
“Well,” she said, “that’s not exactly true.”
Derek nodded. “We have some news for you.”
My mouth fell open. “You’re breaking up?” I knew wedding planning could be stressful, but the way they met was stressful. “Are you sure you can’t work it out?”
Tess and Derek laughed.
Mom got out of her seat and screamed, “YOU’RE PREGNANT!”
My mouth fell open as I looked between Tess and Derek to see who had guessed correctly.