Page 87
“I thought about reaching out to her a few times when I ran away, but I was too afraid she’d never want to see me... I couldn’t take the rejection twice.”
I kissed her temple again. “You were the child. It wasn’t your responsibility.”
“I know.” She ran her fingers through the water. “But I wondered what she would have been like if we’d met as adults. I hardly remember her. I don’t remember much of growing up, really.”
“That’s common, isn’t it?” I asked. “With trauma?”
“Yeah.” She reached her fingertips up, running wet paths over my arms. “Do you think it was real?”
“Real?” I asked.
“The apology from my dad... did he mean it?”
I leaned my head forward, resting my lips against her shoulder as I thought. “It seemed sincere, but I don’t know him like you do.”
“I don’t know him at all. Not anymore.” She let out a heavy sigh. “I’ve changed so much in fifteen years. Is it crazy of me to think he has too?”
“It’s not crazy,” I said.
She was quiet for so long I almost wondered if she’d fallen asleep. But then she said, “Jonas?”
“Mm?”
“Thank you. For being there for me today.”
“I wouldn’t have had it any other way,” I said, and it was the truth. Being with Mara felt natural, right. Some reasons I could list and others I didn’t completely understand. But Dad had said something similar about Mom soon after she came home from the hospital. He said there wasn’t one thing that made him love her. He fell in love with her for all the little pieces that made her who she was.
“I’ve spent my whole life saying that you can choose your family but...” She let out a quiet laugh. “Maybe a little part of me has always wished that my dad could be my hero. It sounds so pathetic when I say it out loud.”
I brushed her hair back, kissing her temple again. “It’s not pathetic to want your dad to be the man he should have been all along.”
“Isn’t that the definition of insanity, though, to do the same thing and expect something different?” she returned.
“It’s faith. You always have to believe that things can get better or else they never will be.”
She turned in my arms, bringing her lips to mine. “I have faith in us, Jonas.”
Her breath was warm on my skin, and her words caught my heart. I kissed her back, hoping I could show that I believed in us, too, with everything I had.
38
Mara
Confession: Sometimes... I need someone.
I turnedin the bathtub to face him and kissed him deeply. I trailed kisses up his neck, over his strong jaw, until his mouth was on mine, and I kissed him hungrily, wanting all he had to give me. Wanting him to take my mind, my body away from all the pain that I felt in every cell.
He put his arms around my wet body, pulling me close. His erection grew, pressing against the soft flesh of my stomach, and I moaned into his kiss. “Jonas, I need you,” I said, turning to lean against the edge of the bathtub so he could take me from behind. “Please.”
Wordlessly, he pressed his length against my opening and then shoved himself in.
“Rough,” I begged.
He wound my hair around his fist, pulling hard as he thrust against me, bathwater splashing over onto his tiled floor. I didn’t care. I just held on to the porcelain, letting him ride me, letting the force of my body slamming into the edge of the tub push me higher and higher, further and further from the pain in my heart.
“I’m going to come unless I slow down,” he said.
“Come,” I replied. I wasn’t even close.
I kissed her temple again. “You were the child. It wasn’t your responsibility.”
“I know.” She ran her fingers through the water. “But I wondered what she would have been like if we’d met as adults. I hardly remember her. I don’t remember much of growing up, really.”
“That’s common, isn’t it?” I asked. “With trauma?”
“Yeah.” She reached her fingertips up, running wet paths over my arms. “Do you think it was real?”
“Real?” I asked.
“The apology from my dad... did he mean it?”
I leaned my head forward, resting my lips against her shoulder as I thought. “It seemed sincere, but I don’t know him like you do.”
“I don’t know him at all. Not anymore.” She let out a heavy sigh. “I’ve changed so much in fifteen years. Is it crazy of me to think he has too?”
“It’s not crazy,” I said.
She was quiet for so long I almost wondered if she’d fallen asleep. But then she said, “Jonas?”
“Mm?”
“Thank you. For being there for me today.”
“I wouldn’t have had it any other way,” I said, and it was the truth. Being with Mara felt natural, right. Some reasons I could list and others I didn’t completely understand. But Dad had said something similar about Mom soon after she came home from the hospital. He said there wasn’t one thing that made him love her. He fell in love with her for all the little pieces that made her who she was.
“I’ve spent my whole life saying that you can choose your family but...” She let out a quiet laugh. “Maybe a little part of me has always wished that my dad could be my hero. It sounds so pathetic when I say it out loud.”
I brushed her hair back, kissing her temple again. “It’s not pathetic to want your dad to be the man he should have been all along.”
“Isn’t that the definition of insanity, though, to do the same thing and expect something different?” she returned.
“It’s faith. You always have to believe that things can get better or else they never will be.”
She turned in my arms, bringing her lips to mine. “I have faith in us, Jonas.”
Her breath was warm on my skin, and her words caught my heart. I kissed her back, hoping I could show that I believed in us, too, with everything I had.
38
Mara
Confession: Sometimes... I need someone.
I turnedin the bathtub to face him and kissed him deeply. I trailed kisses up his neck, over his strong jaw, until his mouth was on mine, and I kissed him hungrily, wanting all he had to give me. Wanting him to take my mind, my body away from all the pain that I felt in every cell.
He put his arms around my wet body, pulling me close. His erection grew, pressing against the soft flesh of my stomach, and I moaned into his kiss. “Jonas, I need you,” I said, turning to lean against the edge of the bathtub so he could take me from behind. “Please.”
Wordlessly, he pressed his length against my opening and then shoved himself in.
“Rough,” I begged.
He wound my hair around his fist, pulling hard as he thrust against me, bathwater splashing over onto his tiled floor. I didn’t care. I just held on to the porcelain, letting him ride me, letting the force of my body slamming into the edge of the tub push me higher and higher, further and further from the pain in my heart.
“I’m going to come unless I slow down,” he said.
“Come,” I replied. I wasn’t even close.
Table of Contents
- Page 1
- Page 2
- Page 3
- Page 4
- Page 5
- Page 6
- Page 7
- Page 8
- Page 9
- Page 10
- Page 11
- Page 12
- Page 13
- Page 14
- Page 15
- Page 16
- Page 17
- Page 18
- Page 19
- Page 20
- Page 21
- Page 22
- Page 23
- Page 24
- Page 25
- Page 26
- Page 27
- Page 28
- Page 29
- Page 30
- Page 31
- Page 32
- Page 33
- Page 34
- Page 35
- Page 36
- Page 37
- Page 38
- Page 39
- Page 40
- Page 41
- Page 42
- Page 43
- Page 44
- Page 45
- Page 46
- Page 47
- Page 48
- Page 49
- Page 50
- Page 51
- Page 52
- Page 53
- Page 54
- Page 55
- Page 56
- Page 57
- Page 58
- Page 59
- Page 60
- Page 61
- Page 62
- Page 63
- Page 64
- Page 65
- Page 66
- Page 67
- Page 68
- Page 69
- Page 70
- Page 71
- Page 72
- Page 73
- Page 74
- Page 75
- Page 76
- Page 77
- Page 78
- Page 79
- Page 80
- Page 81
- Page 82
- Page 83
- Page 84
- Page 85
- Page 86
- Page 87
- Page 88
- Page 89
- Page 90
- Page 91
- Page 92
- Page 93
- Page 94
- Page 95
- Page 96
- Page 97
- Page 98
- Page 99
- Page 100
- Page 101
- Page 102
- Page 103
- Page 104
- Page 105
- Page 106
- Page 107
- Page 108
- Page 109
- Page 110
- Page 111
- Page 112
- Page 113
- Page 114
- Page 115
- Page 116
- Page 117
- Page 118
- Page 119
- Page 120
- Page 121
- Page 122
- Page 123
- Page 124
- Page 125
- Page 126
- Page 127
- Page 128
- Page 129
- Page 130
- Page 131