Page 92

I return less than a minute later, dressed, and running a brush through the wet tangles of hair hanging down my back.

“Charlotte.”

I glance up to find River slowly crossing the room toward me.

“River,” I say back, not sure what else to say.

“You know it’s okay to not be okay.” He stops about a foot from where I stand.

“I know.” I reach into my bag and pull out a stick of deodorant before tucking it under my shirt and applying it to each of my underarms. “But I also know you have a life you need to get back to and you can’t just stay here and babysit me.”

“I’m not babysitting you. I’m here because Iwantto be. This isn’t just happening to you,” he needlessly reminds me, though I doubt he feels on the verge of being swallowed by a black hole of grief like I do.

“I know that.” I huff out a breath.

“So if you need to talk, talk to me. If you need to cry, I’ll hold you while you do it. Don’t hide from me.”

“I’m not hiding. But there are some things not even you can fix.”

“I’m not trying to. I just want to be here... with you. Is that really so wrong?”

“Of course it isn’t.”

“Then don’t push me away.”

“I’m not... I wouldn’t...” I can’t finish the sentence because since the moment I opened my eyes to find him watching me, isn’t that exactly what I’ve been doing?

“It’s okay if you need time alone. So long as you know that you’renotalone.” He reaches for my hand and I allow him to take it, settling into his arms moments later when he pulls me into his embrace.

“I know.” I bury my face in his chest, breathing in the scent of him. “I just don’t want you putting your whole life on hold for me.”

“You are part of that life now, Red.” He pulls back, brushing wet strands of hair over my shoulder before cupping my face. “And we’re in this together.”

“You never wanted any of this... You tried to let me down easy and I wouldn’t take no for an answer. No one would blame you if you decided this was too much.”

“Ialwayswanted this. That’s why I tried to avoid it. Because you, Charlotte O’Malley, scare the ever-loving shit out of me. Something tells me that won’t ever change.”

“I scare you?” I furrow my brow.

“The way I feel about you scares me.”

“The way I feel about you scares me,” I repeat back to him.

“Then I guess we’ll just be scared together.” A hint of a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.

“Now tell me how you’re feeling... Really.”

“Sad. Guilty. Relieved,” I say the last word apologetically. “You?”

“All of the above.”

“What do you have to feel guilty for?”

“Seriously?” His eyes sweep over my face. “How about the fact that I disappeared on you for days, no doubt putting unnecessary stress on you. What if that’s what...” He looks away, like he can’t bear to look in my eyes as he says it. “What if it’s my fault?”

“Don’t do that.” I take his face in my hands, pulling him closer. “Don’t take responsibility for something you had no control over. This isn’t your fault. It’s mine. I went out drinking the night before.”

“You heard the doctor. Drinking didn’t cause this.” He’s quick to disagree.