Page 5

“How long are you gonna keep this up?” I ask her bluntly.

“Keep what up?” She pushes her long, dark hair over her shoulder, acting like she has no clue what I’m talking about.

Maisie is the definition of beauty. Slender, toned frame. Flawless skin, a shade of brown so soft it merely kisses her skin, like a deep tan only richer. Long, dark hair with big, beautiful curls—when she doesn’t straighten them out like today. But it’s her eyes that are the most striking, a bright blue that seems to glow against her light brown skin. It’s no wonder she has so many malefriends. Anyone who has eyeballs wants their shot with Maisie Rose.

“Don’t think I don’t see what you’re doing. First Adam. Then Ryan. Now him.” I gesture to the door behind me. “Seems like someone is making a habit of hooking up with football players, I don’t know, in hopes that it might make it back to a certain someone you’re hoping to make jealous?”

Maisie may or may not have hooked up with one Macallan Stewart—a sophomore, soon-to-be junior—on the football team a few months ago. She’d never admit it, but I think she really liked him. I still don’t know exactly what went down as she’s never given us full details, but it’s clear whatever it was, it was bad. Bad enough that I’m pretty sure she’d run him over with a car if given the chance. I guess hooking up with all his teammates is the next best thing.

“This has nothing to do with Mac.” She hisses, clearly offended by my insinuation, her pretty face turning sour. “Maybe you should worry about your own love life and stop meddling in mine. Or is Conner still not texting you back?”

I open my mouth, ready to correct her, only to snap it closed. It doesn’t matter how badly I want to tell her the truth. I know I can’t. At least not yet.

Lyric, nor Maisie, has any idea that River and I have been talking—mainly texting—since his visit during family weekend last fall. Personally, I wanted to tell them right away, but River was adamant that he didn’t want his sister to know. Not that there’s really all that much to know. Talking is all we’ve ever done. Hell, I have only ever even been in the same room as the man once and that was the same weekend I met him.

I’ve never been the kind of woman who pines after someone, but with River, try as I may, I just can’t shake him. And to make matters worse, I don’t even know if he feels the same way I feel about him, though I can’t say I fully understand my feelings for him given our current situation. How do you know if your feelings are true when you’ve never been given a real opportunity to explore them?

All I know is that night, at the glow party, the night that Lyric left early with Maisie, well, it was one of the best nights of my life. The way River looked at me as we danced. The way his fingers bit into my hips. The gentle graze of his hand at the smallof my back. The way his breath tickled my ear as he told me how beautiful I was.

It was the most innocent thing in the world, and yet, it wound me so tightly that I was sure if he leaned in and kissed me, I would have shattered into a million pieces all over the ground.

He didn’t, in case you were wondering. But I went home that night feeling like there wasn’t an inch of my body he hadn’t touched.

I didn’t expect him to text me the next day, especially when he declined my obvious advances, making me feel a bit off-kilter as that had never happened to me before. I certainly didn’t expect for him tokeeptexting me. But the more he did, the more invested I became, to the point it was impossible to hide it from my friends any longer. So I lied. Told them some bs story about how I was talking to Claire’s older brother, Conner. She lives across the hall, and well, no one likes her, and since I had also met her brother at the glow party, I thought it was a safe tale to spin because not a chance either Maisie or Lyric was gonna go across the hall and ask her.

I regretted it the moment I said it and have had to spend the last five or so months living in that lie. Though it did give me a cover for being on my phone all the time. Now, when they see me smiling at the damn thing, I don’t have to answer twenty questions. Though those days have become fewer and far between as of late.

I know River is distancing himself from me. I just don’t yet understand why. Is it because he’s tired of talking to me and doesn’t want to pursue anything? Or is it because hedoeswant to pursue something with me but is worried about what other people might think?

It’s something he’s said before, that he’s unsure about the age difference between us. I turned nineteen a few months ago. He just turned twenty-four. And while five years feels like nothingto me, given that I’m the same age as his baby sister, I can kinda see his hiccup.

Then again, it’s not like I’m asking the man to marry me. I just want him to fuck me. And then maybe repeat it a few times until he’s out of my system so I canfinallymove on and get back to beingme.

“I wasn’t trying to offend you,” I finally say, softening my approach. “It’s just... You can do so much better than him.” Again I point toward the door. “And I know you know that.”

“Tucker is... nice.” She forces a smile, confirming I was right on the name.

“Tucker is not your type,” I state flatly.

“And? It’s not like we’re dating or anything. We’re just having fun. And just because you’ve become a nun these past few months doesn’t mean the rest of us have to. You want my opinion? I think you’re jealous.”

“Jealous?” I arch a brow at my very good friend, who I’m tempted to throw a shoe at.

“Your two closest friends have amazing sex lives, and here you are, clinging to a man who won’t so much as come see you in person. No offense, Char, but you are in serious need of getting laid. Abstinence has turned you into a completely different person. Where is the girl from the beginning of the year? The one who lived more freely than any person I had ever met before. You were the life of the party. Now all you do is stare at your phone all night. You barely go anywhere. You haven’t hooked up with a guy in months. In case you forgot, you’re in college. This is the time to be living it up because in a few short years, you won’t be able to anymore. At least not like this.”

I want to argue. Tell her that she’s wrong. But I can’t find it in me to do so. Why? Because sheisn’twrong. I just refuse to acknowledge why that might be.

“Look.” She takes a step toward me, her expression softening. “I’m not trying to give you shit. I know you really like Conner. It’s just... How long are you going to let him string you along?”

“That’s not what he’s doing.”

“Actually, that’s exactly what he’s doing. And you know it too. If he wasn’t, he’d make an effort to see you, to spend time with you. Hell, to do anything at all with you. So why hasn’t he?”

I could give her a few reasons off the top of my head, but I don’t because doing so would give away the truth. A truth I haven’t admitted to anyone, not even my friends back home, who have no idea who River or Lyric are and wouldn’t say a word to anyone.

“I just don’t want to see you put all this effort into someone who isn’t willing to give it back.”

“I know.”