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Why did she say that? Did she know about our struggle with the fishing pole? Had he managed to tell her?

"We have lots to do," she said as she moved farther away, "lots to do."

I watched her go to the side of the house and then around to the rear before I continued toward the barn. When I got there. I put Noble's magic wand back where he had placed it. Of all the things I had heard Mommy say, the one that disturbed me the most was that Daddy would be upset with me and never come to me again. Hadn't I tried to bring Noble home? Wasn't that what I was supposed to do? I didn't mean for him to fall. I didn't know my letting go would ruin his balance on the boulder. Why would Daddy be upset with me? It wasn't fair. None of this was fair.

I walked very slowly to the house. I was actually afraid of going inside and hesitated on the porch steps. Luckily, it had become a warm spring day. I just barely noticed being soaked to the skin, and I was no longer shivering through and through. I was exhausted, perhaps too tired to shiver. The scrapes and scratches on my legs burned, but for some reason. I didn't mind it. I almost welcomed pain. It was bringing me back to life.

Some teenager beeped his horn loudly and continuously as he and his friends rode by on the highway. I could hear their shouts and laughter. too. It was something teenagers had been doing for quite a while now. They thought it was funny. I suppose. All sorts of stories continued to be spread about us in the village. I watched the car disappear around a turn, and then I walked up to the front door and entered.

For a moment I just stood there listening. At first I heard nothing, and then I heard Mommy upstairs. I waited until she appeared on the stairway. She had her arms filled with Noble's wet clothing.

"Look at you." she said. "Go into my bedroom and take off those clothes. Then take a hot shower immediately. Do not disturb your brother."

My heart leaped for joy. Disturb him? That sounded so good to my ears. I would never again disturb him. I vowed I would never complain about him teasing me either. He could order me all over the farm, if he liked. I wouldn't care. I'd pretend anything he wanted me to pretend. and I'd play any game he wanted to play, no matter how silly or childish.

"He's going to be all right then?' I asked quickly.

"Well see," she said, continuing down the stairs. She coughed when she reached the bottom and leaned against the banister for a moment.

"Do you want me to help you. Mommy?" I asked.

"No." she said quickly. "Just do what I say," she told me and walked to the laundry room.

I looked up the stairway. He must have regained consciousness as soon as she brought him into the house. I thought. How wonderful. Most important. Daddy wouldn't be angry at me and never, ever show his spirit again. Well be all right after all.

I went up, pausing at Noble's and my bedroom door to listen. I heard nothing. Of course he's sleeping, I thought. Mommy might have given him one of her herbal drinks, too. Hurrying along. I went into her bedroom, took off my wet clothing, and went into a hot shower as she had ordered. When I came out, I saw she had put my clothing on her bed. I dried off quickly and got dressed. When I descended the stairs. I found her in the kitchen, working on dinner. Her hair hung down limply, and she looked so worn, so exhausted.

I saw she had the ingredients out to prepare a meat loaf, and I knew just how to do it now. The last few times we made it, she had let me do most of the work.

"You're sick. Mommy, and more tired than I am. I'm sure. Let me do that." I said.

She shook her head.

"I have to be the one to make him dinner," she insisted. "Just set the table for the two of us. Go on. Do it," she commanded, and I went ahead and did what she asked.

A little while later. I saw her prepare a tray and start for the stairway. Everything on the tray was covered. I imagined to keep it warm.

"Should I bring that up for you. Mommy?" I asked.

She didn't seem to hear me, or if she had, she didn't want to answer. Like someone in a trance, she walked down the hallway, her eyes so still. I watched her go upstairs and waited, listening to her go into Noble's and my room. She didn't come out for quite a while. I finally went to the dining room. where I sat and waited for her. Finally, she came downstairs. Once again, she looked to me like she was walking in her sleep. I got up and followed her into the kitchen, where she went through all the motions to set out our dinner

, but she really did nothing.

She opened the stove, took out the meat loaf pot, took off the cover, and put nothing on a large plate because there was nothing in the pot. Then she uncovered another pot and scooped out nothing into another dish before turning to me.

"Put the meat loaf and the string beans on the table while I mash the potatoes," she told me.

I stood there staring,

"Do it now before everything gets cold!" "But --"

She turned away and started to mash potatoes in a bowl, only there was nothing in the bowl. As she worked, she coughed, sniffed, and wiped her eyes. She took deep breaths and kept herself hovering over the counter with her back to me. I didn't know what to do. so I took the empty dishes into the dining room and put them on the table. Then I sat and waited. Except for the sound of her tapping fork on the inside of an empty bowl in the kitchen. I heard nothing. Our house was so quiet. The pipes didn't groan, the walls didn't creak. It was as if the house was holding its breath, too.

After a minute or so more, she came hurriedly into the dining room, carrying the bowl. She dipped a serving spoon in it and slapped air on my empty plate.

"Start eating without me," she said. "Don't let everything get cold. I'm not hungry."

She returned to the kitchen. I sat there, not sure what I should do. I wanted to cry. but I was afraid to utter a sound. I snuffed down my sobs and sat waiting to see what she would do next or what she wanted me to do next.