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I thought about just running off, but what would that accomplish? Apparently, he hadn't told anyone. He was right. If he had, we would have known by now. At least for a while. I rationalized. I was keeping us safe, and wasn't that really what Mommy wanted? For us to be safe?

My fingers fumbled with the buttons on my shirt. Elliot stared up at me, that lustful smile deepening, brightening his eyes, twisting his lips. He puffed and then squashed the joint in the damp earth as I took off the shirt and began to undo the corset. His smile changed to a look of real astonishment and fascination,

"I can't get over it," he said and laughed. "Here I thought you were just a tough country kid. Okay, now your jeans," he said. "Hurry up. You're taking too long."

To me it seemed as if I had stopped breathing again. I even felt like I was out of my body, standing off to the side of the pine tree watching the whole scene like some interested observer. I had to kneel down to undo my shoes and then step out of my jeans.

"I can't get over you wearing boy's underwear." he said. "It looks stupid. Get it off quickly." he commanded, waving his hand at me.

I did it, and then I tried to look away, but he snapped at me again.

"Face forward," he said. "Keep your arms down at your side. Just stand there." he directed and put his hands behind his head as he lay back and gazed up at me. "You know, even though you're chubby in places, you have a better body than Harmony. You're firmer around the rear, and you don't droop like she does. What a waste for you, dressing and acting like a boy."

"Won't you let me be?" I pleaded. "Now."

"You have to be kidding." he said. He started to undo his jeans. "Come here." he said and reached up for my hand. It was like bringing my fingers to a candle flame. I moved so slowly, and when he seized my hand and pulled me to him. I felt as if I had fallen into the fire.

"It s going to be better today," he whispered, his hands moving over my breasts, down the sides of my body, around my legs and over them, bringing me closer to him and then turning me onto my back. He pushed himself up and over me and gazed down at me.

"All this," he said. "and money, too. What a lucky guy am I."

He was in me again, turning and twisting me to fit himself comfortably between my legs. I kept my eyes closed and tried to put myself somewhere else, but my body would not cooperate. It seemed to rush to him and not away from him. He went longer before he shuddered inside me this time, and when he did, he moaned loudly in my ear. After it ended, he lay there over me, breathing hard.

"Told you," he whispered and finally turned over to lie next to me on the blanket. "Told you it would be better this time."

I turned away from him. What suddenly interested me was the silence. It seemed as if what we had done had silenced the birds. Nothing moved. Even the breeze had paused, and the world was still. I heard him sit up and fumble with something. Then I smelled the marijuana again. He poked me, and I turned back to him.

"Here," he said. I shook my head.

"Take it and smoke it," he ordered and kept it before my face. "Don't make me angry," he warned.

I took it and puffed on it as quickly as I could. He insisted I do it right and went through instructions once more. Then he lit one for himself. I went toward my clothing, but he stopped me.

Relax, " he said. "Weve only just begun. Finish your joint. Enjoy the day. When will you get me more money?"

"I don't know. Maybe next week." I said. "Okay. Let's plan on a payment once a week."

"I don't know how much I can get you if I have to do it every week."

"I don't want five dollars. Make s at least fifty," he said. "Yeah, fifty will be fine. Fifty a week."

I had no idea how I would get that. but I said nothing. "I want you to tell me more about yourself."

"What?"

"How do you live? Are you always a boy, even when you're inside your house and no one can see? Do you wear a dress in the house?"

"No," I said.

"Keep smoking. Don't waste the stuff. It was expensive, and its good," he asserted.

I did what he asked. He stared at me and shook his head.

"I don't get this. I still don't understand, not that Im complaining," he added. smiling. "Why can't you just be what you are. anyway?"

I didn't answer. The joint was making me dizzy again. I felt his fingers over my breasts and his lips on my neck.

"Huh? How come?"