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For me, it was inside, resting comfortably under my heart.

13

Through a Peephole

.

Mommy seemed better later in the{ evening,

although for days afterward, she did move lower and take more naps, often falling asleep in the living room.. Sometimes. when I saw her napping. I noticed that her eves twitched and her lips trembled. One particular time, she woke with a start and looked about as if she didn't know where she was or how she had gotten there.

"What is it?" she asked me when she caught me standing there and staring at her, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I replied quickly.

She looked suspicious and wrapped her shawl around herself.

"Get back to your work," she ordered, and afterward. I was the one catching her staring at me. I don't know what she expected to find me doing or what she thought she might see. It made me very nervous. I wandered if anything dark and foreboding was following me around the farm. something I was unable to see myself.

Summer was fading quickly this year. Nights were colder than usual, and the leaves actually began showing signs of turning by late August. We had an early frost, too, and that hurt some of our late corn and other vegetables. Mommy even complained about her herbal garden and the effect the early cold was having on those plants. It appeared her spiritual advisers were right when they told her this was going to be a longer, harder winter than usual.

I avoided the woods and didn't go fishing. Every once in a while, I was sure I spotted Elliot watching our house and me from the forest's edge, but I did not acknowledge him, and he remained in the shadows or behind some trees. Because of the stories lie had heard about us, he was sufficiently afraid of Mommy. I suppose, to keep from approaching our home or me. After a while. I didn't see him anymore, and then, of course. I knew that public school had begun and he would be occupied and have made new friends by now anyway.

Mommy was annoyed about having to do another independent study plan and submit it, but she had to by law. This time she went to the school without me to deliver it, and when she came home, she mumbled and grumbled about the arrogance of Dr. Camfield and all those educators who were full of themselves.

About mid-October, it began to rain a great deal. Some of the downpours were long and hard, so that before the month had ended most of the beautiful yellow, brown, and orange leaves were pounded off their trees and matted down on the forest floor. the cold raindrops like nails. Skeletons appeared again. Dull, dark, naked branches, awkward and twisted, emerged in the twilight. Their grayness was like a single, leaden note resounding around our house. The birds that hadn't already fled south looked depressed, hardly flitting about and rarely singing. They resembled stuffed birds more than live ones at times.

Mommy took to sitting for long hours alone, staring out the living room window into the darkness, which was often undisturbed thick coats of night because of the predominantly overcast skies. She didn't speak much about any spiritual presence. She never mentioned Daddy anymore. The truth was, she was acting lonelier than me, and because of that, I was more and more worried about her.

We did continue to do all our chores and keep busy. I studied whatever lessons she set out for me to study, and she played her piano, albeit not as much as usual, and the music she chose was rarely light or happy. She seemed to want to bathe herself in a pool of melancholy. She complained about the cold weather's effect on her hands and moaned about the poor quality of some of her remedies these days. Even so, she continued her needlework and kept the house as clean as ever, if not more so.

I did constant battle with my our driving curiosity, which wanted to take me by the hand and lead me back to spy on Elliot and his father and sister. Another world, a family with all of its laughter and tears, anger and joy, loomed just through the island of trees between us. I toyed with approaching their home from the road instead of going through the woods. I lingered at times at the edge of our property and dared myself to go forward. but I hesitated long enough to overcome the urge and return to my own world.

And then, one day in early November. when I was gathering some kindling wood at the edge of the forest. I heard Elliot call to me. I turned and saw him leaning smugly against a maple tree, that impish smile of his twisting his bright lips. He wore a red jacket and a baseball cap with NEW YORK YANKEES written on it. I heard keys jangling and saw him hold up a set and shake them.

"Guess what these are." he said.

I looked toward the house first to see if Mommy was outside, and then I stepped forward, the kindling wood in my arms.

"I have no idea." I said, trying to imply I had no interest either, even though I did.

"To my car. stupid. I passed the test easily enough, and my father had no choice but to do what he had promised. It's a four-year-old car, but its pretty sharp. It's black, a metallic black. you know, with chrome wheels."

"I'm happy for you," I said and turned to carry the wood to the house.

"Hey, hold up. Don't you want to know what I've been doing all this time?"

I paused. "No," I said.

"Liar. I looked for you at the stream from time to time, but never saw you there. How come? Afraid you'll fall in the water again?" he asked, widening his smile.

"No, I'm not afraid of anything. I've been busy, that's all. There is a great deal to do around here," I said. and little time to waste talking to you."

"Right, like feed the chickens. I'm in school. you know. I made some friends. It's not as terrible as I thought it was going to be. There are these girls who are actually pretty cool."

"Great. I'm happy for you."

"All right, all right," he said, turning serious. "I'm sorry I pushed you around."