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Mommy worked quickly to cut and tie the umbilical cord. Noble, who had edged closer and closer, stood with his eyes so big, they looked like they would explode. Mommy held the baby up for all to see. I saw that it had a full head of red hair. Elliot's red hair.

"It's a girl!" she declared.

And then she turned and carried the baby away in her arms, wrapped in a blanket. I heard her going up the stairs. The entire roomful of spiritual relatives followed. Even Noble left. and I was alone.

I fell asleep, or really passed out, and when I awoke, I could see the first light of morning. Every part of me ached. I ached in places I didn't know I could. Mommy came in with a tray and put it on the small table she had brought beside the sofa.

"You have to eat," she said. "I need you to be healthy and strong."

"Where's the baby? How is the baby?" I asked quickly.

She didn't answer. She left me and went up the stairs. I drank the juice and ate the oatmeal and the toast. Just as I finished. Mommy returned. She was carrying something very strange.

"What is that. Mommy?" I asked immediately as she pulled a chair up beside me.

"Unbutton your shirt." she said instead of answering. "Quickly."

I did as she asked, and she leaned forward and pulled it apart so my breasts were fully exposed. Then she brought the strange thing to my right breast and fitted it over my nipple.

"Just lie back and relax," she said.

She began to pump the bag. and I watched as my milk filled the bottles she attached. At one point I cried out that it was painful, and she went easier and slower. When she was finished, she stood up and turned to leave me again.

"Where is the baby?" I asked.

"Just rest," she told me.

She didn't return for hours. I rose and moved about the room and then. when I heard her coming down the stairs. I went to the foot of them and looked up.

"Go back to the sofa!" she ordered. "I told you to rest."

"But I wanted to see the baby," I said.

"Not now." she told me, and she physically turned me away from the stairway.

She made me stay in the living room to have my lunch and even my dinner. I wanted to go up to my room, but she told me I couldn't climb the stairs yet. Periodically, over the following few days, she brought back the pump and filled the bottles with my milk.

One night I rose and went quietly up the stairway. I wanted to change my clothing, to bathe and freshen up. I saw that her bedroom door was closed. I listened, and then I went into my room, took a shower, and chanced into a fresh pair of pajamas. I saw no reason why I couldn't sleep in my own bed now. and I did just that.

In the morning she came rushing into my room, her face full of rage.

"I told you to stay downstairs," she cried at me. I wasn't even fully awake.

I around the sleep out of my eyes and propped myself up on my elbows. She was hovering over me and looking so furious and so strange. I was

frightened,

"I needed to get clean and I wanted to sleep in my own bed. Mommy." I said.

"I don't want you up here. Get dressed and go back downstairs." she told me.

I heard the baby crying. Can I see the baby first?"

"No." she said. "Go downstairs!" she screamed. Then she left the room.

After I dressed in a fresh shirt, underwear, and pants. I went out and paused in the hallway. Her bedroom door was shut tight again. I waited a moment, and then I went downstairs and fixed myself some eggs and toast. I was very hungry. She appeared and made inc take some of her pills again.

"Why can't I see the baby, Mommy?" I asked her, but she didn't reply.