Page 52

Fuck.

How could I have kissed...no, not just kissed...made out with her? Tia had turned me on. My balls still ached, even after jerking off when I’d gotten home. I’d never questioned being gay. Nothing made sense anymore. I needed to set my head straight.

The only way to do that was with music.

With Flint away, I let myself into his house with the key and security code he’d given me and charged into the music room. I grabbed my bass and plugged it in. Frustration fed every strum, every pluck, every chord. I slapped the shit out of my strings. I couldn’t strike them hard enough as I churned out heavy tracks by the Foo Fighters, Everhide, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. The tangled wires in my head tightened. Grinding my teeth together, I played harder and harder. Louder and louder. Strum. Strum. Strum.

Every breath ripped my lungs. What have I done? What is wrong with me? Tia was Cole’s sister, for fuck’s sake. My lips still hurt from kissing her so hard. My scalp still tingled from where her fingers had knotted in my hair. My skin still burned from her touch.

Morphing into one of my own compositions, I hammered out the tune. No matter how much angry energy I poured into playing, my head thudded and thudded and thudded like a gazillion heavy metal drummers pounded on their snares all at once.

I’ve never been so frustrated,

Infatuated.

Confused and elated.

Is what I’m feeling just an illusion?

Am I lost in the delusion?

I want to scream and shout,

Then soar through the clouds.

I want to kiss your mouth,

Kick you out of my house.

Make love to you in bed,

Then wish this feeling would end.

Love has me in a world of confusion.

Is this all just an illusion?

Am I lost in a delusion?

“Hey? You okay?” Flint’s groggy voice drifted across the room.

My breath stabbed my lungs as I spun around. Shit! My head ached as I tried to pack the turmoil tormenting my brain into the pit of my stomach, but thoughts of last night kept bombarding me. “Um...sorry. I didn’t think anyone was here.”

“It’s okay. Our plans changed.” In his pajama T-shirt and boxer shorts, Flint grabbed a stool and sat beside my amp. “Sutton’s friend Maddy is in town for a quick visit. They’re catching up today.” Sutton constantly raved on about her best friend, Madison. She was an actress too and filmed her show in Vancouver. She came home every other weekend to see her mom, go to events, and catch up with friends.

I wiped my hand over my face, searching for some composure but failed. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“What’s happened?”

Lowering my chin, I strummed out a low bassline. It matched the ache in my chest. “I’m still trying to figure that out.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

Nausea flooded my gut. Days out from the launch of our single, this could blow up everything I’d worked hard for. The guys could kick me to the curb. But I wasn’t going to lie. “Not really, but yeah.” I put my bass on the stand and headed over to the sofas. Flint joined me.

Taking a seat opposite him, I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. Where did I begin? “Last night at the club, Tia and I had a moment.”

“A what?” Flint rubbed his eyes, his cheek, then his chin, as if still trying to wake up. “You and Tia? What kind of moment?”