Page 5

The feeling of nothingness only got worse when I arrived at work.
There was something about an office that was soul-sucking. It didn’t matter what little perks they tried to offer; even if there was a white-marble lobby that was far too expensive, being within four gray walls illuminated by fluorescent lights made me feel like I was in a prison.
I had no reason to feel this way. I had a good job in real estate. I made good money. I worked with my family and fiancé. I did my job well—marketing to people and getting return clients—but lately, it had all begun to feel like a ... slog.
A few years ago, when I’d graduated college, I was better at going all the time. I liked working. I liked proving myself. But I was now tired in a way I didn’t know how to fix.
We were trying to get more clients due to the recession, and I couldn’t care less. I tried to tell both Dad and Trevor that the homes in Nashville were simply too expensive for what people could afford, but they didn’t believe me. We still had more than enough money, but Dad was sure there was something we could do to fix this, so we were in planningmode.
The first thing on my list was a meeting, which sent me to the break room for more coffee. As I sat and tried to listen, I found it impossible.
I could see outside from our meeting room, and it was the only thing keeping me awake.
In the late summer air, lilies bloomed from their tall sprouts in the ground. The city had curated spots planted around signs and premade gardens.
I had dimly noticed them, but I hadn’t had time to stop and truly appreciate one of my favorite seasons.
I missed how these warm months had felt when I was a kid. How, even though the air was oppressive, nature experienced a crescendo every single year. Crops grew. Animals reproduced. Flowers bloomed until the air smelled sweet.
The city always had a certain scent to it. It was either cars or some other pollutant. Whenever I thought of happiness, it wasn’t here. It was the farm I’d used to visit when I was younger.
Papa Bennie’s berry farm had always been beautiful. Mom and Dad only let me stay with him when they had no other childcare, but when Mom quit her job to stay at home, I no longer needed to go there. I saw him on holidays and spent the whole time catching up with him, but my days of visiting were over.
When he passed ten years ago, I was too lost in my grief to ask about his farmland. I knew Mom wouldn’t keep it. Someone must have bought it, but I didn’t know if they’d kept the strawberry farm open.
I missed it, though.
He was Mom’s dad, but she didn’t talk about him. Dad was cordial with him, but they had never been close. Over the years, he’d faded into a warm memory, one that I wished I could go back to. And now that everything had blendedtogether, I wanted it even more. There was a rose-tinted filter over everything, and I wished things could go back to how they used to be.
People always talked about nostalgia, but they forgot to mention one thing.
Nostalgiahurt.
“Mollie?” A voice broke me out of my dark thoughts. “What do you think?”
“About what?” I asked, pulling my gaze away from the window and back into the meeting room. Trevor had been speaking, and at my response, he sighed and ran a hand through his pale blonde hair.
“The marketing campaign,” another man, Todd, added. “We wanna buy out more emails so we can broaden our reach.”
“Yeah, sure.” I said it without thinking.
“What?” Trevor asked, shaking his head. “Mollie, I thought you were against buying email lists.”
Ah, shit. I shouldn’t have said yes. That was going to make work harder for myself.
But I just wanted to be in nature, not in this meeting room.
“She said yes,” Todd said. “So I’m doing it.”
“Mollie,” Trevor urged. “Do you want to clarify?”
I tried to find the same urgency he had. But these wereemails.Sure, I was morally against this choice, but God, I didn’t care anymore. Todd had been pushing this for weeks.
Maybe it was time he learned.
“Test it out. Let me know the results.”
Trevor’s brow rose, but Todd jumped at the chance and announced his plans. I might regret giving him that concession later, but I was too out of my own head to think about it. Future Mollie could deal with it.