Page 5

My bedroom window faced Grayson’s and at night, he or I would sneak out and climb into bed with each other. Nothing happened, until we became teenagers, and the innocence of ournightly sleepovers became experimental. He was my first everything, aside from kiss. First person to touch my boob, first kiss with tongue. First guy to stick his hand down my pants…. Virgin stealer, remember?
The first time I snuck in to his room, I couldn’t even get the window open. I was that young. Maybe eight? I had a nightmare one night and couldn’t get my brother or mom up, so I went next door and tapped on his window. He let me in, played the piano for me, and then waited for me to fall asleep before shutting off the lights. He may have only been a child himself, but he was an amazing piano player and his voice was as smooth as velvet. From then on, that became our nightly routine and continued until the day he left me. Two weeks to the day from when he took my virginity and rode off like the little virginity thief that he was.
It was graduation night for Grayson, Ethan, and me. Everyone was at Josh’s parents’ lake house celebrating. I had taken my boyfriend at the time, Chris.
Yeah, Grayson stole my virginity, and technically—if we want to get detailed about things—I cheated on Chris with Grayson.
Chris and I, we were not serious by any means, but yes, we were dating, and went to prom together. Graduation night, I broke things off with Chris. My heart, my body, and my soul belonged to Grayson.
I never did tell Chris about the cheating. The way I rationalized it, I was already breaking his heart, and the thought of rubbing it in his face that I’d slept with Grayson wasn’t my thing. I liked Chris. I just wasn’t in love with him. He took it better than I expected and we parted as friends. He confessed that he’d felt the same way and had been seeing another girl from school too. So I was off the hook about the cheating, felt good about it, and wanted to find Grayson and tell him. Only, he wasn’t there.
Looking around the room, I’d realized most of his belongings were gone. All that remained was his furniture and piano in the corner of the room along with his vast music collection. I lookedaround wondering what could have happened when I saw a note on the piano. Gently, I picked it up.
Evie, please read
With shaking hands,I slowly opened the note that changed my life. A note I still have under that photograph in my nightstand.
I’m so fucking sorry. I will miss you with all my heart. Please forgive me.
- Grayson
I must have readthe note twenty times, but that was all it said. Immediately, I’d run to Frankie’s room. I don’t think she ever knew that I slept in Grayson’s room most nights so when I opened the door to her room, she jumped.
“Where is he, Frankie?” I asked before even getting the door opened all the way.
“Evie?” she asked, rubbing her eyes. “What the hell are you doing in here?”
“Where is he?” I cried, holding up the note. “Where the fuck is he? What happened?”
Frankie looked down as if she was going to cry. “Evie,” she whispered, tears streaming down her face. “He’s gone.”
Her hand reached up for me, but I shrugged her off. “What do you mean he’s gone? Where did he go?” My voice trembled as I tried to wrap my brain around the concept of my best friend leaving without saying anything to me.
“Grayson… he, uh, joined the military… the Army,” she mumbled. “He shipped out an hour ago.”
My heart burst into a million pieces. He left without telling me? But why? “What? Why didn’t he tell me?” I screeched back, instantly regretting how loud my voice was. I didn’t want to wake their parents. I covered my mouth for a moment and asked again, “Why? Why would he leave me?”
“He thought it would be too hard on hi—” She caught herself. “You. He thought it would be too hard on you.” More tears streamed down her face. Quickly she looked away from my horrified expression, focusing on her hands instead.
I crumbled to the floor beside her bed. Frankie caught me in her arms and held me all night as we both cried. I went over it and over it, wondering what I did wrong, what he did, all of it, and I never came to a conclusion.
I knew one thing, if I was going to have my heart broken by someone, I was glad it was Grayson Gomez. I still love him, even now. I always will.
Since that night, I ask about him a lot. Frankie says he’s fine but doesn’t give me any details. It sucks. It just fucking sucks to love someone so completely that when they leave, your heart goes with them.
I’m blank.
Empty.
Unloveable.
I don’t even recognize who I am now. The one who covers up black eyes to avoid telling her family she’s in trouble. That girl, she’s so lost I’m not sure she knows where the lies end and her truth needs to begin.
Frankie sighs, drawing my attention back to her. I’m standing in front of my mirror, staring at myself. “You look perfect.” Reaching around me, she takes her bag in her hand. “I’ll meet you in a couple hours.” She points her finger in my face. “And you better be wearing this dress. If you change, I will never talk to you again.”
“Must run in the family then,” I mumble as she’s leaving.
Have I mentioned I’m a feisty drunk? Thought so.