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Evie sighs beside me, the bed dipping as she shifts her position. Her warmth moves closer, our bodies touching. “Can you hold me like we used to? Just this once, please. We don’t have to talk.” She doesn’t wait for me to say anything before she’s lifting my arm and curling into my side. “I know things are seriously fucked up right now, but this is what I want.”
What she wants? What about what I want? Does that matter?
No, probably not. I lost the chance to dictate anything when I left. And if this is what I’m left with, her in my arms in the confines of my room, I’ll take that.
I turn my head toward her. My lips press to the top of her head. “I’m sorry.” And I leave the words at that. A blanket apology for so much more than I can ever explain. Her body shakes against mine, and I imagine she’s cold, but maybe it’s more. Maybe she’s just as affected by my presence as I am in hers.
Sucking in a jagged breath, my eyes burn. Evie’s hand on my stomach moves higher to my chest. The touch of her hand, her body next to mine, it’s almost too much. And if I didn’t think we could get any closer than we are, somehow we do. Feeling every inch of her warm body is better than I could have dreamed about these last three years.
The problem with all this? Her leg is draped over mine and unfortunately, my male hormones kick in, and all I can think about is what she’s wearing and how much skin she’s showing. She’s practically naked and wrapped around me. Evie has always been attractive but this dress, it should be illegal.
She shifts her position to look up at me, her hips grinding into my thigh in the process.
Fuck… think of something else!
Do I do that?
No. Fuck no. Instead, my body has other reactions and mybreathing kicks up. I could roll her over and show her how wrong he is for her and how right I am.
Unfortunately for me, I’m sporting a semi already and I don’t have to look down to know that it’s noticeable. Believe me, three years of celibacy and one touch by her and my dick is ready to go. I want to act on it. I want to cover her body with mine, press myself against her and show her how much I love her.
I try like hell to get those visuals out of my head, but it’s not easy. It’s never been with Evie.
I don’t want this. I don’t want to feel her skin against mine. I don’t want to hold her like this because now, right now, I know I won’t ever let go again.
I don’t think I have a choice anymore though, because as much as I want this, she’s not mine anymore. Maybe she’s never been.
14
EVIE
Why did I come here? I knew better. I knew what this would mean being close to him. I knew how I’d react and the way my heart would cling to the hope that Grayson could fix my life. He shouldn’t have to. I shouldn’t have made such a mess of it.
But I did, and here I am, doing what? Leading him on?
My body trembles against his, a shake I can’t control. It’s too much, being this close to him, and I don’t want to let go. Carefully, I lay my hand on his stomach again, absentmindedly tracing circles. His muscles are so tight and tense that I wonder if this is bothering him. I don’t know this guy anymore. I don’t know what he’s been through, if he’s been with anyone since me, or even what he’s doing back here.
With my eyes on the wall beside his bed, I whisper into his chest, “Where have you been?”
At first, I don’t think he knows what I’m asking. In many ways, I could be asking a blanket question, like where’d you go, and where have you been in terms of leaving me.
His breath catches, his breathing intensifies, but he doesn’t answer me.
“Are you home for good or is this just a visit?” I ask timidly. I hate the way my heart kicks to life, a spark lit in anticipation. I notice when I shift my body to look at him, his entire frame tenses, as if he’s uncomfortable.
“Yeah,” he whispers softly in my ear, nuzzling his face in my hair. Tears sting my eyes and before I know it, I’m crying. Happy tears maybe, not like what I experience with Shane. I hide my face in his armpit. Grayson doesn’t say anything, but he does hold me close, and I think that’s all I need.
But still, I have so many questions for him. Why’d he leave in the first place? Why didn’t he write me back? Why didn’t he call? Had our friendship meant so little to him? Lifting my head, I stare at him.
Turning his head, his eyes slowly drift to mine. Swallowing hard, he cranes his neck forward and then his lips press against my cheek. I’m not expecting that. At all.
As I try to regroup, Grayson’s entire body shifts and he’s suddenly half on top of me, his lips gliding from my cheek to the curve of my neck. His hot breath is heavy against my heated skin. Oh God, that scruffy jaw sends a rush of tingles through my entire body. I think I sigh, or some kind of needy sound leaves my lips.
At the sound, a grunt leaves his lips as he presses his body closer, his hand moving from the mattress to my hip where he grips it and angles his own hips into mine.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Girl, stop him. This is not what you need.
Oh, but it’s nice. Him this close, his heavy breathing, his touch, it’s perfect. And he’s hard, so there’s that. I did that. I made him hard. It’s probably because of this stupid dress, but also, we have history. But then a thought surfaces. Is that what he wants from me? Sex? I mean, after all this time? I did sneak into his window wearing practically nothing. Kinda set the tone a bit though, didn’t I?