Page 99 of A Very Happy Easter

“There’s good money in adult movies, and body shaming isn’t acceptable in polite company anymore.”

“But…but…”

Damon picked up on where we were going with this, and I’d also divulged a few snippets about my family while we were “dating,” including my dipshit cousin’s views on society.

“I’ve been doing a fair bit of gay porn lately.” He patted Robert on the back. “Always good to meet a fan.”

“I’ve never watched that. Not the guy stuff, I swear.”

Damon winked at him. “Sure, that’s what they all say. Don’t be shy—your sexuality is nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“I’m not one of them.”

I feigned confusion. “One of who?”

“A homo.”

Oh dear. Several people gasped, including Mama. She might have been a bit of a prude, but unlike Polly’s parents, she wasn’t a bigot.

“Excuse me, Robert. We don’t insult people on the basis of their sexuality, and nor do we disparage family.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Salma is standing right beside us.”

“Family? She’s hired help. So was Hugo or whatever his name is, and him.” He pointed at Heath. “Ask yourself this—why does Edith wheel out a man for one event a month, and the rest of the time, we never see him? Where’s he been since that fashion show, huh? Have you seen him around?”

Mama looked between Heath and me. “I thought the two of you went to the Caribbean?”

“We did.”

Heath gave Robert a disgusted look. “It’s kind of weird that you’re keeping tabs on Edie, mate.”

“I’m looking out for my own flesh and blood. We don’t need gold-diggers muscling in.”

For crying out loud. “Wait, is he a gold-digger or hired help? I’m confused.”

“Why can’t he be both? He worms his way into your affections, and the next thing you know, he’s asking you to marry him.”

“Bit late for that,” Polly muttered.

“What was that, dear?” Mama asked.

“Uh…” She glanced at me. “Robert’s an idiot. Anyone who’s spent longer than three seconds with Heath and Edie knows they’re totally perfect for each other and also ridiculously in love.”

It was time. Slightly earlier than I’d planned, but I’d done it, and I’d own it. I pulled off my glove.

“Heath and I got married last week in San Gallicano.”

Mama’s jaw dropped. “Why? Why would you do that?”

“Because I love him.”

“No, I mean why would you get married in the Caribbean? What about the formal announcements? The engagement celebration? The theme? The guests? The wedding breakfast?”

“It was basically just the two of us on the beach. We went to a local restaurant for dinner.”

“My goodness. The missed opportunity.” Mama waved frantically at my father. “Roger! Did you know your daughter got married last week?”