Page 100 of A Very Happy Easter

He wandered over. “Married? To who?”

Good grief. “To the man I’ve been dating for the past eight months? He’s literally right here.”

“Oh, yes. Right. Congratulations.”

“Edie, you were meant to wear your grandma’s dress. Tell me you recorded the ceremony?”

“No?”

“She wore a bikini,” Polly added helpfully. “With a super cute crochet dress over the top.”

“Edith! What will you pass down to your descendants?”

“There are a few photos.”

Mama face-palmed. “Sometimes, I don’t understand how we’re even related. There will be grandchildren, won’t there? Tell me there’ll be grandchildren.”

“We’re trying hard.”

“Really fucking hard,” Heath murmured, too quietly for anyone but me to hear. He twined his fingers with mine.

“Way to steal our thunder,” Eis said, half wearing his costume. He had the body on but not the head. Janie gripped his hand, looking faintly green, and I wasn’t sure it was just due to the porn issue.

“You’re pregnant?” I asked her.

“Eleven weeks. We weren’t going to tell anyone yet, but since some dick showed up to make a spectacle…” She glared at Robert. “Anyhow, we’re having a baby. You really are an arse.”

“Hey, I thought there was no body shaming?”

Polly rolled her eyes. “Calling you an arse isn’t body shaming, you fucknugget.”

“Are you going to let the bitch get away with that?”

Mama skewered him with her gaze. “Who is that question directed at, Robert?”

“Them.” He gestured wildly, presumably to the men in the room. “They need to keep their women under control.”

To give Polly her credit, she had excellent aim. Her foot connected with Robert’s nuts right as he finished the sentence. He doubled over, retching.

“I’m nobody’s woman, dipshit.”

Mama spoke again. “Robert, it’s not a good idea for you to be here today. Or, in fact, that you attend any Kennedy-Renner family events for the foreseeable future. I’ll explain the situation to your parents.”

“You can’t do that. It’s breaching the terms of my trust.”

“I believe it’s time you learned another lesson in cause and effect.” Mama nodded to Eis. “Could you take him out through the rear? The children will be coming in through the front.”

And that was how my cousin Robert had the dubious honour of being dumped onto the pavement by a porn star, a Hollywood A-lister, my darling husband, and the Easter bunny. Owen hurried ahead to open the fire door, and Liam tossed Robert’s jacket out after him.

Good bloody riddance.

Twenty-Nine

That evening, we gathered in my drawing room with a selection of alcohol, orange juice for Janie and me, five hundred leftover Easter eggs, and a dozen pizzas. Eisen was there with Janie—the boys were asleep upstairs—plus Serena and Owen, Marissa and Liam, Salma and Robyn, Marc, Polly, Vic, and Damon. Once, I’d led quite a lonely existence, but not anymore.

I’d first met Marc a year and a half ago, roughly ten minutes before I met Heath. Back then, he’d made me uncomfortable, an incorrigible flirt, a real ladies’ man. But now I saw a different side to him. Out of the public eye, he was more benign. Quieter. Much easier to take. When Polly tried flirting with him, he politely deflected with a, “You’re beautiful, but I’m jet-lagged and getting far too old to party all night.”

He was in his mid-thirties, hardly ancient. But when Polly realised she was basically flipping her hair for a brick wall, she switched her attention to Damon, and he didn’t seem to mind. I knew from experience that he wasn’t a dick—not that kind of a dick, anyway—and as it came out just how manipulative Spencer had been over the past year or two, I thought spending time with Damon-slash-Miles might even be good for her. Salma had read his reviews, and by all accounts, he had top-tier equipment and knew how to use it.