Page 23 of A Very Happy Easter

“Yes, I know, but don’t spoil my fun—think of it as a thank-you gift.”

He pulled the booklet out of the envelope. The syndicate’s organiser had emailed me the information earlier, and I’d printed it so Heath could read the details in the car.

“You bought me a fucking racehorse?”

“No, only a tenth of one.”

“Damn, Edie.”

“Probably not even a whole leg. Perhaps a fetlock? Her name is Forever Rogue, and she runs on the flat. I’m not fond of jump racing because I think it’s too dangerous for both horse and rider. Anyhow, this will give you something to talk about with Uncle Dennis.”

“I could’ve talked about the weather.”

“There will be at least twenty other people you can talk about the weather with, and it gets old fast. Did you bring your rental agreement and banking information?”

“You know I’d do this for free?”

“But then I’d feel guilty asking you, so I wouldn’t ask you. I’d just get cornered by men I don’t want to talk to instead.”

He pulled an envelope of his own out of his jacket pocket. “So, what’s the story? I mean, what are we telling people?”

“That we’re very casually dating?”

“Works for me. What’s the endgame?”

“The endgame? As in, how long do we keep this up?”

“Right.”

“Well, for as long as you’re willing. A year would be terrific. The last guy only lasted two months, and having to stage a sudden breakup was a little awkward.”

“You’ve done this before?”

“Only once, and not quite the same. It was Salma’s idea. We basically made up a man from scratch, but four months into the charade, my parents wanted to meet him, so we hired an out-of-work actor through Gumtree. But then he got his big break in the entertainment industry, and of course I was happy for him, at least at first.”

“At first?”

“It turned out his big break was in a movie called Gangbangs of New York.”

Heath’s eyes widened. “Are you kidding?”

“He only came to a handful of events with me, but even now, I live in fear of someone I know realising that Hugo Thompson-Reed and Miles B Long are one and the same person.”

Heath began laughing, and now I could look back and giggle too, although at the time, I’d been horrified.

“To give him his credit, he was very respectful.”

“Fuck, Edie, you didn’t background-check him?”

“We looked at his social media, and there was no indication of anything like that. He even had an Equity card. Please, don’t tell anyone. Salma’s the only other person who knows.”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Unlike his.”

“You saw the movie?”

“When he left, I said, ‘Oh, you’ll have to let me know when your movie’s released so I can check it out,’ and he was kind enough to send me a copy. He was so proud, and honestly, his employment choices are his business, but I didn’t need to see that many dicks in one go. Salma mailed him a ‘congratulations’ note, and I never spoke with him again.”