Page 51

“Hey, it’s late—is everything okay?” he asks, and it’s the first thing he’s said to me in a week.
His worry, his concern, is painful. Because it feels too good, too right, when I know it shouldn’t.
“Yeah. Everything is fine,” I say through a constricted breath. “I was just heading downstairs for some water.”
“Here, take mine.” He holds out his hand, offering me his own glass of water.
An ocean of emotions swells beneath my ribcage, their waves crashing against my heart. “Thank you,” I manage, but the words break apart on my tongue.
“This is why I need my head in the game. This is why I don’t need fucking distractions.”His pained words fill my psyche, fill the space between us.
A distraction.
That’s me. A distraction Jude doesn’t need.
The image of him falling down onto his knees, his head in his hands, floods into my mind.“I should’ve been there—I fucking should’ve—”he’d said in one of the most heartbreaking ways I’ve ever heard someone utter, and I know now, he still has his own demons to work through. I saw it then, and I see it now. He doesn’t need me making that any more complicated than I already know it to be.
A door quietly creaks open beside me, and we both turn to find Addy stepping out of the darkness of her room. As soonas she takes note of the watery state of my gaze, she’s striding closer, until she’s all up in Jude’s space with a finger jabbing into his chest.
“She’s been through a lot, asshole!” she whisper-screams through clenched teeth so she won’t wake Cal or Stacy or any of the other guys on our floor. I don’t know what time it is, but the house is dead quiet, dead silent, save for the hum of the air conditioner kicking to life. “Declan doesn’t need another asshole in her life. Leave her alone. I mean it.”
While I told her the full scope of my emotions—where my head was at when I panicked at the hospital the other night—Addy has still taken it upon herself to direct all her frustration Jude’s way.
His hands ball into two tight fists at his sides, the muscles in his jaw twitching as it clenches tight. “Addy, I get it. I made a mistake. I fucked up. And I get that you’re pissed,” his focus turns to me, gray eyes burning into mine, “but my intention was never to hurt you—ever. I care about you, Declan, more than I’ve been able to admit. I want to apologize—”
“Take your apology and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine—up your ass, in case that wasn’t clear.” Addy tips her head all the way back, glaring at Jude from where she stands below him. What has to be at least a full foot separates her face from his, but she stands there, still as a statue, stubborn and glaring like the anger-fueled fire in her gaze will singe him on the spot if only she tries hard enough.
He releases a sigh, another agitated hand diving through his hair, before he says, “Addy. Can I have a moment with Declan, please? Alone.” His words are thin and tired, but so, so patient.
Her gaze narrows before she turns it to me and it softens, a single question inside it—Is this what you want, Dec?
I swallow past the shakiness in my chest and nod. It is what I want. This conversation between us is overdue. With thethought, regret spills into me.We don’t have much time left at all.
“Okay. Fine.” Addy’s clipped words pull my attention back to the hallway. She turns to Jude with her finger still pressed against his chest. “But you make it right,” she growls, fuming as she jabs it into him that much harder, and then she turns on her heels and storms back into her room, closing the door much softer than I would have anticipated with how angry she is.
The moment stands still between Jude and me.
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry or run off and hide, avoid this conversation altogether.
Gray eyes reach into mine, imploring me to stay.
And,okay, I can do this. I think I can do this.
“You hurt my feelings,” I manage, my words quiet but filled with certainty.
Jude strides forward in two quick steps, wraps me in his arms, and gathers me against him before I even realize what’s happening. “Fuck, Little D. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” He crushes me within his embrace. Strong, tattooed arms folded around me, my cheek presses into the hard plane of his naked chest, and I can feel his heart thundering away, its beats echoing—slamming—beneath me.
The rhythm of it lulls me into an inexplicable sense of calm.
It doesn’t make sense, but nothing about the way Jude makes me feel has ever made sense, and yet I’ve been drawn to it anyway.
“You don’t have to apologize.” I shake my head as my throat swells around the words. I step carefully away from the comfort of his arms. “It’s fine. I get it. I understand where you were coming from. I’d just like to forget it happened, really, and move on, focus on what’s ahead of me. I—”
“Fine?” he cuts me off with a quick tut of his head. “It isn’t fuckingfine,Declan. Not by a longshot.”
I suck in a deep breath, attempting to keep my rushing tears at bay.
Strong fingers meet my chin and tip my head back until my eyes meet his. “It was shitty of me to say, and I didn’t mean it. I knew that immediately. It fuckingkilled me—seeing how much my words affected you, knowing I lashed out on you like that when I was only angry with myself. So I gave you the space you seemed to need, but you leave in two days, Little D, and I need you to understand before you go that I didn’t fucking mean it.”