Page 38 of 500 First Editions (The Romantics #3)

RYAN

KISS AND TELL

W illow had been sitting in her car for forty-five minutes. I had perked up when I heard the engine pull up and then turn off, but she never came inside.

After ten minutes I peeked out the window. She was sitting there, looking at her phone.

After twenty minutes, I checked again. She had leaned her head back on the headrest and closed her eyes.

After thirty minutes, I was worried.

I glanced at the clock as we started to near the fifty-minute mark. I didn’t want to rush her if she needed some time to decompress before coming inside, but I hadn’t heard from her since she left for lunch with her mom and sister. I was starting to worry.

Finally, I heard the car door slam and watched as the front door handle turned. Willow slipped inside, carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.

“Hey,” I said as I closed my laptop and set it on the coffee table. “How was lunch?”

Willow dumped her purse on the kitchen counter and set the keys beside it. “Fine.”

It definitely wasn’t fine, but I’d play her game until I could get a feel for what the hell was going on.

It had been a week since I’d kissed her, and she promised that I could kiss her tomorrow. One kiss was all I allowed myself to have each day. Any more, and I didn’t know how much longer I could resist her. But each day, like clockwork, she promised that I could kiss her tomorrow.

I hadn’t kissed her yet today. As much as I wanted to back her up against that countertop, grab her thighs, set her on top of it, and spread her legs while I tasted her, I had a feeling it wasn’t happening.

“How was lunch?” I asked as I eased off the couch and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water.

Willow let out a razor-sharp huff. “It wasn’t what I hoped for, but it was exactly what I expected.”

I grabbed a glass out of the pantry and filled it. “Want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” she muttered under her breath. “I just want to forget about it.” Her hand grazed across my ass as she passed behind me.

I dropped the glass in the sink, caught her wrist, and tugged her into my chest. Willow stumbled. Her breath caught as I wrapped an arm around her waist, holding her flush against my body.

The frustration that had plagued her when she came inside transformed those prairie green eyes into forests with tree cover so thick that the sunlight was blanketed in a cloak of emerald.

I wanted to get lost in those eyes. I wanted to watch them roll back in her head as I buried myself inside her. I wanted the clipped breath she let out when she crashed into my chest to be the first of infinite exhales that belonged to me and only me.

“You haven’t kissed me today,” Willow said as those forest eyes dropped to my mouth.

I cupped her chin and smoothed my thumb over her lip. “Trust me. I know.”

“Then what are you waiting for?” Her hands slid down my chest and crept along the elastic waistband of my gym shorts.

I rested my forehead against Willow’s, the tip of my nose grazing the bridge of hers.

“Because when I kiss you, I don’t want it to be rushed.

I want to memorize every line on your lips like it’s a letter written just for me.

Every time you feel my tongue against yours, I’m writing promises to you.

Because every time I taste you, all I can think is that, if kissing you was my last meal, I’d die a happy man.

So let me take my fucking time. Because it’s not just a kiss.

Not to me. One kiss is all I get, so I’m going to make it count. ”

Her hands stilled, and I let out a silent sigh of relief. My dick was already at half-mast. Any closer, and I would have had a tent in my shorts.

“What are you doing for the rest of the day?” I asked as I took a small step back.

Something indescribable passed across her eyes. It looked a lot like annoyance, but I wasn’t entirely sure that’s what it was.

She glanced over her shoulder at the bedroom door. “Honestly, I was just going to rot in bed. I got up early and finished my workday before I went to lunch.”

“Perks of self-employment,” I quipped with a half-smile. “Want me to join you?”

Her eyebrows lifted, but her eyes narrowed. “You . . . want to join me in bed?”

“I love a good doom scroll as much as the next guy. Or we could put a movie on.”

“I’d be fine with a movie.”

We reconvened in the bedroom with my laptop and sat side-by-side in bed as we filtered through our options.

In all honesty, I was fine with anything. Willow was the one who couldn’t decide. She wasn’t in the mood for a comedy. She didn’t want a romantic movie. Action movies were too loud, and she didn’t want something boring or overly dramatic. Horror movies weren’t her thing.

After perusing every streaming service’s catalogue, she sat back with a huff and closed my laptop. “They don’t make good movies anymore.”

I had a hunch that there were plenty of good movies, she just wasn’t in the headspace to enjoy them.

I set my laptop on the nightstand and draped my arm around her shoulders. “Tell me something,” I said as I gently stroked the tip of her shoulder with looping, abstract shapes.

“What?”

“Anything,” I said as I looked down at her. “Tell me something about you that I don’t know.”

Willow looked down and trailed her fingers along the edge of my gym shorts, making goosebumps dance along my thigh. “That I think we should skip the Netflix part of Netflix and chill.”

Back and forth. Back and forth. She just kept teasing that single strip of skin along the edge of my shorts.

I leaned down and pressed my lips to her temple. “Tell me something that I don’t already know.”

Her lips curled up. “How about that I’m really good with my mouth?”

I had underestimated Willow Winslet. She had been playing the long game. And she was really fucking good at it. Because, with those nine words, she nearly killed me.

I sat back against the headboard, closed my eyes, and let out a slow breath.

“Damn. That looks uncomfortable.”

I didn’t have to look to know that my dick was flying high thanks to the mesh fabric. “I’ll be just fine,” I clipped through gritted teeth.

I peered out of the corner of my eye and caught Willow inspecting her nails like she didn’t have a care in the world. When I didn’t make a move, she did. Willow slid over and straddled my lap.

Her eyes flicked down to my cock. “You should take care of that.” Her pink lips turned up. “Or you can let me take care of it.”

God, I fucking wanted her to.

I did my best to ignore the unruly erection and met her eyes. “You still haven’t told me something I don’t already know about you,” I said as I tried to think about anything other than how much I wanted to fuck her.

That inexplicable look she had worn in the kitchen was back, but this time I pulled it apart piece by piece.

There was surprise, embarrassment, confusion, and hurt.

But she masked it all with anger.

“How about that I don’t like being toyed with? I don’t like being treated like a pawn in some fucked up, narcissistic game.”

“Whoa—” I grabbed her arm as she moved off of me. “Hold on. I know all of those things about you.”

Sunset hair flared as she whipped her head back toward me. “Really? Because you could have fooled me.”

“Wills—”

“Why won’t you have sex with me?” she snapped. “I’ve made it pretty fucking clear that I want it. You touch me like you want to fuck me. Or do you just do that because you like messing with my head?”

Tears had begun to well in her eyes. She looked away, not wanting me to see how much my rejection hurt.

“Willow—”

“I’m fine,” she snapped as she pushed off the bed and marched toward the door, but I was hot on her heels.

“Willow.”

She marched through the house, and I saw her beelining for her car keys.

“ Autumn, ” I snapped with enough edge to my voice to make her stop dead in her tracks. I came up behind her and slid my hands down her waist, resting them on her hips. “Have I been giving you mixed signals, or have you just been conditioned to associate touch with sex?”

She stiffened, but didn’t move.

“I don’t associate touch with sex,” she countered defensively. Each word was whispered and warped as she tried to hide the hurt in her voice. “ You touch me like you want sex.”

“I touch you because I like physical touch. It’s one of the ways I feel connected to someone. If it makes you uncomfortable or it’s not how you want to receive attention, I will stop. You have my word.”

Willow didn’t make a peep.

“But that’s not it, is it?” I guessed as I grazed the shell of her ear with my mouth.

“Why don’t you want to have sex?” she said to the floor.

“Because you don’t trust me yet. And that’s a line I’m not going to cross just because it would feel good.”

“I trust you.”

“Don’t lie to me, Autumn.” I smoothed my hands back up her waist, over her shoulders, and down her arms. I covered the backs of her hands with mine and twined our fingers together.

“Here’s what I do know about you. I know you think this is a game for me.

A dare. It’s not. I know you think I’m some two-bit grifter.

I’m not. And I know that you think when I touch you like this, that it has to lead to something more.

It doesn’t.” I kissed her temple. “I hold your hand because it feels like we’re on the same side.

I kiss your head because I think you’re fucking brilliant and I will take any chance I can to be close to that kind of wit.

I hug you because I feel indestructible when you rest your head on my chest, and I hope that makes you feel safe.

I cup your cheeks because you always smile when I do, even if it’s just for a millisecond.

It’s like holding the sun. I put my hands on your back or your waist or your hips because I want you to know I’m here to support you.

” Gently, I turned her to face me. “And I kiss your lips so you know that I would give you my last breath if you asked for it.”

Tears rolled down her cheeks, one after the other.

“I don’t touch you because I want sex, Willow. I touch you because I want you .”

She shifted between her feet, looking at anything but me.

I took her hand in mine and turned her palm face up, placing a soft kiss in the middle.

“I don’t want you to associate touch with an expected outcome because I want to be able to hold your hand for a long, long time.

If you think I want sex every time I touch you, you’ll eventually resent me every time I touch you.

If me kissing you always leads to sex, you’ll feel betrayed if my body fails someday and sex is off the table.

I want to be able to hold you when you’re angry with me without you feeling like I’m trying to get something from you.

I need to be able to comfort you in moments where sex is the furthest thing on our minds.

You are so much more important to me than sex. ”

Tear-tipped lashes lifted, giving me those mossy green eyes. “No one’s ever said that to me before . . .”

“That’s a damn shame, sweetheart. But I mean every word.”

“I know,” she whispered.

I led her to the couch and tucked her into my side. “Can I be honest with you?”

Willow nodded.

“I’m scared of losing you. I feel like I’m barely holding on some days.

So, if it feels like I’m coming on strong, it’s because I am.

If it feels like I’m holding you close, it’s because I can’t bear the thought of you not being right here with me.

I’ve spent my entire adult life helping people find their soulmates, but this is the first time I’ve felt anything close to the feeling they describe when I do.

And since I know you still think this is a game, let me tell you one more time: I will do anything to earn your trust. And if that means taking care of my needs myself, just know that you’re the only person on my mind while I’m fucking my hand. ”

Willow was quiet for a long time. Eventually, she tucked her feet beneath her ass, and rested her head on my shoulder. “I just want to find the place where I feel wanted.”

She had been silent for so long that it startled me when she made the confession. “What do you mean?”

“I thought I would find it in California. I didn’t.

The only time I’ve felt it here is when I was with Shep or Lisa.

Things with my mom and Amber have deteriorated over the years.

It’s like . . . the closer they get, the further they push me away.

I’ve traveled across the country countless times and I’ve never found the place where I belong.

Where people want me to be there and expect me to stay.

” She slipped her hand into mine and squeezed.

“I got really jealous of Wander when she moved to North Carolina and fell in love with Jack. It’s like there was this whole place that was just waiting for her to show up.

I’ve never had that. I’m scared that I’ll never find where I’m wanted. ”

“What’s your dream?” I asked as I pulled her into my lap and wrapped my arms around her waist.

“I dunno.”

“You have to have some idea.” I kissed the back of her head. “What’s your dream for your career?”

Willow thought for a moment. “I think I’m happy where I am. I make a respectable living. I don’t want the notoriety Whitney has or the pressure Wander has. I like calling the shots and controlling my schedule.”

“What about your personal life? The little house and the big van?”

She nodded. “Still the little house and the big van.”

“Kids? Pets?”

“Honestly, I’m not an animal person. I don’t mind them, but I want to keep traveling and I’d hate for a dog to be stuck in a van for days on end.”

“What about kids? Do you want a family?”

“Yeah,” she whispered. “And I don’t want them to ever feel like they don’t belong.”