Page 67 of 27 Kisses

It’s easy to pretend that Nat is still on the phone even though it died at the end of our conversation. I take the coward’s way out. Or self-preservation. It still amounts to the same thing. While my family watches, I rush from the room, determined to flee from my own house.

As soon as I open the door, the icy wind slices through me. I slip back in to grab my coat and trudge through the snow to my car. That’s when I realize my mistake. I should’ve grabbed the keys to the truck. My Lexus isn’t made for winter conditions.

But there’s no way in hell I’m going back. My remaining tears freeze on my face as I get into my car. Gloves would also have been helpful. I let the car warm up, and then I chastise myself. What am I waiting for? Aidyn isn’t coming after me.

No one comes out of the house. After another moment of disgust at myself for believing Aidyn and I had any chance of working, I leave, maneuvering the snow-covered roads as I finally let myself break down.

Eighteen

AIDYN

One Day until Christmas

The momenton screen is burned in my memory. My happiness at Emily saying yes. The feel of her small hand in mine. Her almost shy kiss—and my worry that I shouldn’t have proposed in front of her family.

When the camera shifted absently to Garrett’s face as he watched, I wasn’t prepared.

I’ve told myself time and time again that I understood. Of course seeing me with Emily was difficult for Garrett. But watching it play out, I realize I didn’t really know. My absolute happiness contrasted perfectly with Garrett’s devastation. Heat floods my face. Hot and prickly. Garrett is gone. But I can’t help replaying the awful moment:

“Isaac, shut it off.” No one deserves to see this. The paused video highlights the pain etched in past-Garrett’s face.

But that’s nothing compared to now. His face is ashen. His shoulders hunched as he blinks away tears.

“Garrett?” I whisper, but he doesn’t react.

His gaze shifts from the television to his cream carpet. “So that—I can explain…”

And then his mother starts. “Aidyn is your brother-in-law. And he’s straight.”

I went to yell at her to leave him alone. But I can’t speak.

His confession. That he fell in love with me in Dublin. “And I’ve been in love with him every minute of every day since.”

But his mother won’t let up, and he finally snaps.

“Emily is gone, Mother. She died. And I wish…” When his voice breaks, so does my heart. “I miss her. We all miss her. But she isn’t here?—”

I want to hold him, but I can’t move.

“Were you aware of this, Christy?”

I don’t deny knowing. But I still can’t admit my feelings. That I’m fucking humbled and honored by how much Garrett loves me. That I feel the same way. Which makes my lack of response much worse. As if Garrett has been pining for me all this time—a supposedly straight man.

“Aidyn?” His eyes meet mine, and he’s begging me to tell them the truth. But I can also see the defeat, as if he’s sure I won’t.

What if they all look at me the way Mrs. Bishop is looking at her son? As if he’s depraved. Someone to be pitied? And why the feck do I even care? Her opinion doesn’t matter to me. But Lanie’s does. And the townsfolk. They loved Emily too. Garrett is still treated as an outsider.

But Christ, I have to do something. I can’t lose Garrett.

I open my mouth, but it’s too late. Garrett storms out of the room.

“Christy?”

Isaac is watching me, along with everyone else.

“What?”

“Do you want me to check on him?”