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34

Nick

I drive us to the restaurant, feeling strangely nervous. It’s not as if this is the first time I’ve ever gone to a fancy restaurant for a date, though it is the first time I’m doing it with Caleb. He seems as antsy as I am, sitting forward with his hands under his thighs, and staring blankly at The Cedar Room as I pull up in front of it.

Caleb eyes the small establishment, cocking his head as he takes it in. Yeah, it’s an absurdly fancy place that’s heavy on the wallet, but I’m not pulling any stops tonight. I want to bring him somewhere romantic, and this is the type of place where there’s live music, candlelight, and everyone talks in low voices.

“You ever bring anyone else here?” Caleb asks as I turn the ignition off.

“Yes.”

He scowls. “Who? Jessie?”

“Yes,” I say, and he gets out and waits for me in front of the car. He stares at me from outside, his eyebrows clashed together. When I follow him out and step beside him, I can’t help but smile. “I thought you and Jessie were friends. Besides, I thought I was the jealous one?”

“Eh, she’s okay,” he mutters. “We don’t share the same shift anymore, which is probably for the best.”

“So you are the jealous type as well.”

He glowers at me. “Don’t get all smug, Nicky.”

I laugh. Without thinking, I grab his hand, and his eyes widen before he entangles his fingers in mine. We’re not loudly affectionate when we’re in public, but there’s nobody else around—also, I think my nerves are going to kill me if I don’t get a hold of him.

“So, this is your dad’s favorite place?” he asks.

“Yeah. He comes here every time he’s in the city.” I blink. “Oh, shit.”

“What?”

“He was calling me earlier while I was watching you, and I forgot to call him back.”

“So call him back now.”

“It’s fine. I’ll send him a text later and ask why he called.”

Something behind us catches Caleb’s eye. He mumbles, “Or you could ask him right now.”

“Huh?”

“Nicholas!” calls a very familiar voice, and I turn around swiftly. Dad, with Dianne on his arm, walks up to us. “I was calling you earlier because I had a sudden meeting nearby and wanted to take you out. You weren’t answering and I assumed you were busy.” His attention flickers to how my hand’s wrapped around Caleb’s, and Caleb immediately lets go. Dad shares a look with Dianne, then turns back to us. “Didn’t realize you had plans. Caleb, right?”

“Yes, sir,” Caleb says, and I stop myself from smiling from his uncharacteristic politeness.

“Shall we get a table together?” Dad suggests.

“Dear.” Dianne tugs at his arm. “We shouldn’t intrude.”

Dad turns to her, eyebrows pressed together, and she gives him a slight smile. After a moment, he flushes, and he lets out an awkward laugh. “Oh. Right, right. I apologize.”

“We should share a table,” Caleb says, and I stiffen. I peer at him, anxiety crawling up my skin because I don’t want him forcing himself to be polite just because we’re in front of my parents. But Caleb’s grinning wide and he bumps his elbow against mine. “Hey, Nicky, it’s fine, right?”

“Y-yeah. Of course.” I clear my throat and turn to Dad. “Sorry I missed your call. Let’s have dinner together, Dad.”

Dad lights up immediately and Dianne ducks her head, hiding a smile. Leading the way inside, Dad walks right up to the host and tells her we want a table for four. The host greets him by his name, recognizing him, and we’re all brought to a table on the far side of the restaurant. It has a view of the harbor, and we’re far enough from the pianist that the music is pleasant but soft.

Caleb takes the seat beside me and Dad and Dianne sit across from us. Dianne immediately makes small talk with Caleb, probably to fill in the silence, and I fight hard not to make it obvious how my heart’s hammering.

They haven’t asked us why we’re here in a place like this, but even the most clueless person could figure it out. Friends don’t dress up and have a candlelight dinner on a Saturday night. It simply doesn’t happen. Or maybe it does, but Dad saw our hands clasped together, and that really said everything.

I tug at my collar and sink in my seat until Dad catches my eye, and I straighten up before he can remind me.

I meant it before when I said that I’m sure Dad wouldn’t find an issue with me dating a man, but just like everything big in my life, I don’t know how to bring it up.

Hell, I kind of wish Caleb would just blurt out everything for me, but I know he wouldn’t. I listen in and he’s thanking Dad for the help he gave for Penny, beaming as he talks about how well his little sister is doing. Caleb sounds so genuinely grateful, and Dad glances at me with a smile, nodding at me.

“No need to thank me. That was all Nicholas,” Dad says.

Caleb grins at me, and my heart skips a beat.

A server comes over to take our orders. Dad and Dianne give theirs without even looking at the menu, and Caleb looks hesitant about saying what he wants after seeing the steep prices. I rub my thumb against his knee, and he nods and finally gives his order.

Once the server heads off, Dad turns to us with a slight smile. Dad asks, “What have you boys been up to?”

When I don’t speak up, Caleb leans forward and beams. “I was training with Buffalo today and Nick came along to watch.”

“I see.” My dad looks lost. “Training with Buffalo means…?”

“Oh! I’m going to sign with their NHL team starting next season, right after I’m done with Camrose. So, as their prospect, they keep in touch to make sure that I’m on track with their training goals for me and all that. We rarely train on the ice, and they mostly just give me pointers after watching my games, but since I’m signing soon, they’re more aggressive with my development.”

“That’s amazing, Caleb,” Dad says, even if I can tell that he didn’t catch half the things Caleb just said. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks! We went to their home arena and the place is huge. It’s got, like, at least fifteen thousand seats and great facilities. Nick really liked it, too.” Caleb prods me with his elbow, and it shakes me out of my reverie. “Right, Nick?”

“Yes,” I whisper.

Caleb gestures animatedly as he talks. “It’s always been my dream to play in these huge arenas. My uncle would bring me to these games as a kid and the noise was deafening, especially every time someone scored a goal.”

My heart thrums as I listen to Caleb talk. His passion’s clear, and it makes me feel alive as well. Even if I’m never going to set foot on the ice in the same way, at least I’ll be able to experience it through him.

He nudges me. “Hey, the first time I score a goal, I need you to be the loudest.”

I nod, laughing. “Okay.”

“What about you, Nick?” Dianne suddenly interjects. “We know hockey’s your one true love. Why aren’t you going pro as well?”

I stare at her blankly, and Dad’s tilts his head at me with a questioning look.

“It’s not that easy,” I say softly.

“Why not?” Dianne asks. “Everyone tells us all the time that you’re Camrose’s star player and that you’ve got one of the best stats in the conference.”

“He does,” Caleb says. “Better than me, but don’t tell him that or he’ll get cocky. To be clear though, I’m still Camrose’s star player."

Dianne lets out a soft laugh. I can tell Caleb’s trying to get the attention off me, but I’m not sure it’s going to work—not with how intently Dad’s staring at me.

“I’ve actually asked him that a few times, but he always changes the subject,” Dad says. “Why not give me an actual answer for once?”

A ball lodges itself in my throat and I tuck my chin to my chest, blinking rapidly. Under the table, Caleb squeezes my knee.

I mutter, “Um… because I told you I wanted to work for you after graduation.”

“Nicholas, louder,” Dad says.

I sit up straight and meet his eyes. “Because I’m going to work for you after graduation, like you asked.”

Dad’s eyes widen and he leans back, his cheeks going red. I guess we have that in common—blushing easily. Dianne seems startled as well, looking between me and Dad.

Sounding unsure, Dad asks, “But if you wanted to play hockey, I wouldn’t hold it against you. You know that, right, Nicholas?”

“It’s fine,” I say.

“I’ve told you many times. You need to speak up for yourself. You need to be your own advocate.”

Fuck it, my heart’s racing in my chest. I hate this conversation, and it makes me feel small and pathetic—what a goddamn idiot I am, being unable to tell Dad what I actually want when he’d let me do anything.

But that’s the issue. I’m a mistake in his life—he shouldn’t let me fuck around. He should insist that I be the most use to him as I can be. And if I think only about myself, then what about him?

“Nicky.” Caleb squeezes my knee again. “Breathe.”

Dad clasps his hands on the table and gives me a steady look. Beside him, Dianne is silent, though she’s smiling at me encouragingly. Dad says, “You’ve always tried really hard to stay out of our way because of our… history. I’m not blind. I know why you act the way you do. Of course, I’d be thrilled if you worked for me, because you’re my son and I want you by my side. But listen to me carefully—I’d be even more thrilled if you’d be honest with what you want. I’m going to ask you point-blank now, and I need the complete truth. Do you want to continue playing hockey?”

Yes.

Yes, I want what Caleb’s getting. I want to play in huge, loud arenas. I want to play with and against names I’ve looked up to for years, and I want to excel in the sport and make a name for myself.

But I can’t talk—can’t even look at him—so I nod once.

Caleb rubs my knee.

“Then play!” Dad says, sounding exasperated. He jolts and glowers at Dianne, and I wonder if she pinched him under the table. Clearing his throat, Dad says to me, much softer this time, “Then play.”

“You wouldn’t mind?”

“Like I said, I would really have liked it if you came to work for me, but I’d much rather you do what you want.”

“Besides, most hockey players retire early,” Caleb chirps. “Nick can always come work for your company after.”

“Yes.” Dad points at Caleb as if he’s said the smartest thing. “We can always revisit you working with me in the future.”

My eyes sting and I force a laugh, rubbing a hand over my face. My heart’s racing a mile a minute and I need to get it to calm down before it stops working altogether. I hunch over my seat, feeling delirious, and this time Dad doesn’t tell me to sit up.

“It’s not like it’s a sure deal,” I say. “The chances of a team signing a free agent aren’t that big.”

“Nicky,” Caleb says. “You’ve got the best stats. I’m not saying this again, but you’re Camrose’s star player. Agents have been trying to get in touch with you for months. Heck, the guys today assumed you were signing with them. Stop selling yourself short.”

Dad stares at Caleb as he speaks. There’s a flicker in Dad’s expression that looks a lot like pride, and my chest swells.

“What are your next steps, then?” Dianne asks.

Caleb’s the one who answers. “He needs to get in touch with Aleks Polinski!”

“Who’s that?”

“A huge agent who has been trying to sign him for a while now.”

Dad leans forward. “Call him right now. And before you put your signature on any contracts, send it to me. We should get my legal team to look over it first.”

“No.” Overwhelmed, I shake my head. “Wait, sorry. I mean—thank you, Dad. But… slowly, please. This is a lot to take in.”

“All right,” Dad says, laughing. He says to Caleb, “Make sure he gets it all done.”

Caleb beams. “Of course!”

Oh god. My head’s hammering, partly from nerves and mostly from excitement. Who the hell knew that conversation would be that easy? I still feel fucking horrible knowing that I’m putting myself first, but I don’t think Dad would let it go now that he knows the truth.

Caleb has hounded me about doing this, and I know he didn’t plan this—but I’m very glad it happened the way it did, with him beside me and helping me through it.

The heaviness in my heart isn’t completely gone, but looking at how wide Dad’s smiling at me, I know I’ll manage. I have to.

“So.” The corner of Dianne’s lips curve upwards. “Anything else you’d like to share, Nicholas?”

The table’s quiet and I look around, confused at what she’s getting at. Caleb shifts in his seat and he lets out a strangled laugh, and Dianne looks between us.

That’s when what she’s actually asking clicks.

“Right.” My face heats and I share a long look with Caleb before turning back to Dad and Dianne. “Dad. Dianne. Pretty sure you’ve figured it out, but Caleb and I are dating.”

Dad snorts. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him snort before. “Yes, Nicholas. We figured.”

“I mean, you were gripping my hand really hard out there, man,” Caleb teases, and I swat at him.

“I wasn’t kidding when I said Nick never asks for anything,” Dad tells Caleb. “When he called me for a favor for your family, it was quite obvious that you’re more important to him than he let on.”

My face heats even more. Embarrassed, I grab for my water and chug it, trying to ignore the way Dad stares at me all knowingly and how Caleb waggles his eyebrows at me.

Our food’s brought over, and I’m saved from trying to salvage myself from embarrassment. Caleb changes the topic and gets into an energetic conversation with Dad, telling him about how his mom would like to thank him personally one day for the help he gave.

I watch them quietly and resist the powerful urge to yank Caleb in for a kiss. As soon as we’re back at the dorm, I’m putting my hands over every inch of him.

After dinner, Dad and Dianne say their goodbyes and head off to their car. Caleb lets out a long breath once they’re out of their sight, and I feel the same way. That was an overwhelming meal.

I lead the way to my car, and as soon as we’re inside and seated, Caleb turns to me. “Are you angry?” he mumbles.

“No? Why would I be?”

“I didn’t mean for that whole exposé to happen. I know you didn’t want to have that conversation.”

“Oh…” Shit, he’s so thoughtful, as always. So endearingly cute that I want to squeeze his cheeks, but he’d probably threaten to punch my throat. “That wasn’t on you.”

“Yeah, but if I didn’t babble on and on about training—”

“Caleb, I didn’t expect that to happen at all. And I didn’t expect to tell them I want to continue playing hockey… but I’m happy and I’ve only got you to thank for it.”

Caleb stares at me for a long while, then he leans back and suppresses a smile. “Thank me for what? I didn’t do shit.”

“I like how much you love playing. I like how excited, pumped up, and ridiculously competitive you get… and I like how you pushed me. When you said you’d back off and stop forcing me to talk to Dad, you did—but in the end, I guess you didn’t have to, because I really needed to have that conversation with him.”

“You’re… you’re honestly happy?”

“Yes.” I nod. “Scared too, and selfish, but most happy.”

“It’s okay to be selfish.”

“I don’t deserve it.”

“Yes, you fucking do. You always put yourself first, and I understand you feel you need to drop everything for your dad even if he doesn’t demand for it, but you also need to do what’s good for you.” Caleb scowls when I look away, and he reaches over and grabs me by the jaw. He tightens his grip and forces me to look at him. “You’re amazing at everything you do, and you make it look so effortless. You’re smart, you work hard, and you’re perfect… but you don’t think about yourself. That needs to change.”

“Caleb,” I murmur.

“You got that?”

I nod, and he finally lets go. Blinking rapidly, I fiddle with my keys, and Caleb pulls his phone out. When I glance at him, he’s texting someone and no longer paying attention to me.

After a minute of me not moving and only studying him, Caleb looks up with a frown. “Why aren’t we leaving?” he asks.

“I’m falling in love with you,” I blurt out.

Startling, Caleb drops his phone between his legs. My sudden outburst would embarrass me if it weren’t funny to me how he fumbles for his phone, and how he tries to hide the rare blush that creeps up to his ears.

“Did you hear me?” I ask.

“I heard you.” He runs a hand across his face and slouches against the seat.

My heart sinks when he says nothing else, and I realize I jumped the gun, and he doesn’t feel the same way. I calm down my nerves and decide to move on, but right as I’m about to start the car, Caleb huffs out a laugh.

Great, he finds it hilarious, as if the pain behind my ribcage wasn’t enough to kill me.

“To be clear, I’m not laughing at you,” he says, grabbing at my arm and squeezing it. “I’m laughing at myself. I feel the same way and was wondering if I should tell you, and I just didn’t think you’d say it first.”

“Y-you… you’re falli—”

“Yes.” His blush deepens. “Fuck, yeah, Nicky. No question.”

I suck in a breath in disbelief, and before I can say something else, he shoves me.

“Start the car, baby,” he says. “Need you in me, and I’m not about to be arrested for public indecency.”

“Caleb!” I laugh, but just like he demanded, I quickly start the car.