Page 12

12

Nick

I have no clue what I’m doing right now.

I’ve got class in the morning, but when Walters and Vega asked if I wanted to hang out, I agreed, mostly because I couldn’t even stand the idea of going back to my dorm room and facing Caleb.

He fucking hates me, which is my fault. I don’t even know why I care so much. Yeah, I’m not stupid—I hear what people say about me. They say I’m a people pleaser, that I’m kind and all that, but when somebody doesn’t like me? It doesn’t really bother me, I simply stay out of their way. It’s not as if I’m going to demand that they like me.

With Caleb, though…

Now that I know what it’s like to be on his good side, having it yanked away from me so abruptly and facing the extreme opposite is like whiplash.

“Sandoval, I think you’ve had enough,” Vega says. He winces at my state, and I shrug, rubbing my eyes. “Morgan’s going to kill us if he found out we got you drunk.”

“You didn’t get me drunk.” My head’s pounding and when I look around me, the walls are tilting. The bar’s chatter and the music is too loud in my ears, and Vega and Walters are fuzzy shapes. “And Rhys isn’t my keeper.”

A hand rubs my back. Walters. He stares at me with a grimace, and I blindly reach out for another shot. All the glasses on the table are empty, though.

“Another round?” I ask.

“No,” Walters says. “Let’s go, Sandoval. We’re bringing you back to your dorm.”

“I don’t fucking want to go back there,” I seethe.

“Is this about Jennings?” Vega asks. They must have seen all the trouble Caleb’s been putting me through recently. “If he’s getting to you that much, talk to Coach. He may be his nephew, but he wouldn’t let it slide if he knew how far he’s going.”

“Yeah,” Walters says. “Why don’t you request a switch of rooms? Jennings is an asshole. I wouldn’t last a day with him.”

“He’s not an asshole,” I mumble.

Well, he is.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t like him, anyway.

“Nick?” a familiar voice—one that I’m dreading even more than Caleb’s right now—calls out. Blinking, I look up and Jessie’s standing by the side of the table. She crinkles her eyebrows. “What’s happening? You’ve got classes tomorrow, right?”

Her knowing my schedule would be annoying if she wasn’t the one who helped me rearrange them.

“Hi, Jessie,” I force out, not missing the way my teammates glance at each other.

Vega mumbles, “We were just about to bring him home.”

I scoff. “Nope. Another round, please.”

“God, Nick.” Jessie rolls her eyes, and I’ve heard that tone before. She won’t take no for an answer. She grabs my arm and despite being much smaller than me, she’s able to haul me to my feet. “I’ll drive you back. You’re a mess, and I know you’re going to regret this in the morning.”

Vaguely, I watch as Jessie tells her friends that she’s leaving, and then she pulls me towards the door.

My teammates look at a loss, but since I don’t fight Jessie—if it’s familiarity or my disintegrating mind, who knows—they help me to her car. Someone buckles me into the passenger seat, and I grumble under my breath, leaning my head against the window and closing my eyes.

I feel the rumble of the car as it moves along familiar streets. Jessie’s silent, and when I force myself to glance over at her, she looks as if she has a ton of questions for me.

That makes both of us, really.

“Thanks, Jessie,” I murmur, because despite the shit that went down between us, I can appreciate the way she’s looking after me right now.

Though, when I remember how she cheated on me and then got angry at me for ghosting her, a hysterical laugh bubbles in me. I hide it behind a stifled cough, and she looks alarmed for a second, probably scared I’ll throw up in her car. She drives a little faster after that.

When the car stops in front of my dorm, I fumble with my seatbelt. It takes me three tries to unbuckle it.

“Need help to go to your room?” she asks.

Okay, this time, I can’t help the laugh that escapes me. “I’m fine.”

Bringing a girl to my dorm room will probably make whatever’s happening between me and Caleb a thousand times worse.

“So, this is about Caleb?” Jessie asks.

“Did I say that out loud?”

“Yes. He’s not giving you a hard time, is he?” Her voice is soft and concerned, and I don’t like it at all.

“Why do you care?”

“He seems like a nice enough guy, especially at work, but don’t forget I was following your games for a very long time. I know he has a reputation for being a jerk, and you have a reputation for being a…” Her words drifts off.

“A pushover,” I supply for her.

She sighs. “I was going to say a nice guy.”

I stare at her for a moment, then shrug. Time for me to leave. Frowning, I push the passenger door open, and Jessie makes a surprised noise when I stumble out of the car. It’s irritating but not unexpected when she gets out as well to help me, and I’m just so out of it that I let her.

She holds me up by the arm, but I stand my ground because I suddenly feel the need to clear some things.

“He’s not really that much of a jerk,” I tell her. “We were actually hitting it off, and it was fun. He’s great. But we had a misunderstanding and I’m not sure how to fix it, and it’s bumming me out.”

“That’s why you’re in this state? Because you’re fighting with your roommate?”

I shrug, and she lets out a hollow laugh.

Jessie says, “Wow. He’s something else, then. We were together for a year, and I barely got a reaction out of you on most days. I mean, you caught me, um…”

“On someone else’s lap making out with them,” I remind her, my voice clipped.

Her lower lip wobbles. “You didn’t even get angry.”

I shrug.

“You pretended I didn’t exist. That’s all I got from you. And now here’s someone you met recently, and you’re self-destructing over a misunderstanding.”

“I see the irony.”

“Oh, Nick. I know you probably hate yourself for being this emotional for once, but I think this is a good thing. And I think it’s because of Caleb.”

“What?”

“He makes you feel deeply,” she says, as if that explains a damn thing. “I don’t know what you’re arguing about, but I know you and I know you didn’t have any bad intentions. It’s hard, but you need to use your words and talk to him.”

How, when he won’t even let me speak?

And what would I even say? That I want to be his friend? That sometimes, I stare at him and wonder what it would be like to touch him? If I could make him make the same sounds he did, that night I saw him with someone else?

That he makes me confused about what I really want?

Oh, god. What the hell is going on?

“You can do it,” she urges, and I can see her point, but it’s all so very confusing. How am I supposed to tell him when even I don’t fucking know?