Page 18

18

Nick

C aleb kisses with the same intensity he handles life with—confident, aggressive, and he doesn’t hold back. I don’t know what the hell came over me, and I’m never going to figure it out now because I don’t think I’m going to survive this.

He holds my hair tight and the pain stings, and not unpleasantly.

“You’re so fucking irritating,” Caleb hisses between kisses. “I don’t know if I want to knock you out or fuck you.”

I choke in surprise, heat surging through me, and he bites down on my lip.

He’s a really good kisser. I wish we had done this earlier—wish I got over myself and just asked if what I thought was a dream really happened.

Caleb pulls at my hair again. His mouth’s hot and wet and he tastes so good, and my whole body feels like it’s on fire.

He says something against my mouth, and I think he’s calling my name, but I don’t want to stop kissing him. It’s official. I’m addicted, and we’ve barely even done anything. So I take another leap and dart my tongue between his lips, and he opens them willingly, moaning when I explore his mouth.

But then Caleb seems to come to his senses, and he pulls away, and I stop myself from chasing after him. For a moment, he simply holds my gaze, his breaths coming in quick successions.

“This is why you were being all pissy!?” he half yells. “Because you wanted to make out? You could have just asked!”

Oh, my god. I scrub a hand over my face, embarrassment coursing through me.

“I thought you were straight?” he asks.

“Apparently not.”

“You ever do anything with a guy before?”

I shake my head, and my face drops. “Is that a problem?”

He blinks at me as if startled by my question. “No, Nicky. I’m only trying to figure out where your head is at because I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

Fuck. My heart soars. That easily, something in me settles. I grab the front of his shirt, fingers curling around the soft material, needing to put my hands on him somehow.

“Caleb,” I murmur, smiling. “You’re really sweet.”

“Am not,” he grumbles, then leans in and kisses me again.

His lips are intoxicating. At the moment, I only want to taste him. Again and again.

My nerves are going haywire, mostly because kissing a guy’s so foreign to me. It’s amazing, but it’s also new. He kisses with more force than anyone I’ve ever been with, and my whole body becomes pliant, melting under his touches.

He’s a lot more confident but he doesn’t seem to care, leading me with a hand fisted in my hair. When he pushes me to sit down on the bed to straddle me, I suck in a breath.

He’s as hard as I am, and when he bucks against me, I let out a strangled whine.

And that’s… yeah. I like that. Warmth jolts through me and my dick twitches, and Caleb pulls back to give me the smuggest smirk I’ve ever seen on him. It makes me flush, embarrassed by how desperately I’m acting.

“Look at you letting go,” he teases, trailing a thumb across my lip. “My prim and proper golden boy isn’t able to hold back. I like it. Good boy.”

I glower at him. “Don’t call me that.”

“You’re blushing. You like being called a good boy?”

“No,” I say with no bite, my cheeks heating even more.

He laughs and pulls me close again, kissing me open-mouthed. My hands circle around him and bunch into the back of his shirt.

Grinning against my mouth, Caleb moves his hips against mine, and I clutch at him tightly.

I’m so hard, and I want more.

“Lie down,” he rasps, and he pushes me down on the bed and climbs on top of me. I’m dazed as I watch him, studying his face, searching for the fascinating green in his mostly blue eyes. It’s too dim to see it clearly, but I can’t complain because he’s this close to me, and that’s all I actually want.

Caleb ruts against me, and I grit my teeth and trail my hands down his back, feeling the ridges of his spine. He murmurs, “What do you want, Nicky?”

It takes too long to register his question.

I don’t know, exactly. All I know is that there’s a fire simmering underneath my skin, and I don’t know what to do about it. He continues to rock against me, staring down at me darkly, and I’m moving against him as well. It’s not enough, though. I need—

Loud knocks hammer against our door, and we both freeze.

“Nick!” calls Rhys’s voice.

“What the hell?” Caleb hisses.

He scowls and glares at the door, and I close my eyes and wish Rhys goes away. My brain reels from the whiplash of getting interrupted.

“Nick!” Rhys calls again. “Open up!”

Caleb directs his glare at me before he gets up, stumbling off the bed. He adjusts himself in his sweatpants and grumbles curses under his breath.

Frowning, I sit up and swing my feet over the side of my bed.

Rhys bangs the door. “I swear to God, open up or I’m using my key.”

“Why does he even have a key?” Caleb asks, sounding very pissed off. “You good?”

He eyes me as I adjust myself as well, then I give him a jerky nod.

Caleb marches over to the light switch and turns it on, and the sudden brightness makes me press my palms against my eyes. He opens the door and snaps, “What!?”

“What took you so long to answer?”

“We were sleeping, asshole.”

“Whatever. Here’s your mattress,” Rhys says crossly, and when I finally come to my senses, he’s dragging it inside the room. Caleb bites his cheek and watches him, not even helping him put it back on his bed frame.

“Thanks,” I mumble to Rhys, because Caleb seems hell-bent on not saying anything else to him.

“Yeah, yeah,” Rhys says. “You sounded genuinely pissed about it, which is unlike you, so here it is.” Rhys turns to Caleb. “A simple apology could have solved this much sooner.”

Caleb flips him off.

“Anyway.” Rhys ignores him and gestures for me to move aside. “My roommate has someone over and their noise is keeping me up. Can I crash here?”

I stare. “Uh.”

Rhys frowns. I’ve never turned him down before, and he studies me and says, “If you don’t want me to, then I’ll go. I just really need some shut-eye because of our away game tomorrow.”

“Why’s it matter?” Caleb asks from behind him. “Not like you bring anything to the team.”

“You realize I’m the captain, right?”

“Congratulations, you have a label.”

I roll my eyes, not in the mood to listen to their bickering. “Caleb, you mind if Rhys crashes here?”

Say yes. Say yes.

“The hell I care?” Caleb asks, and when I look around Rhys to see what he’s doing, he’s rearranging his pillows. “But, Captain, pull something like this again, and I’m punching you in the throat.”

“So scared,” Rhys deadpans, and he gets on my bed, pushing himself towards the other side. He turns toward the wall, and I get up to get the lights.

My hand hovering over the light switch, I turn to Caleb.

Caleb’s lying on his bed, his arm behind his head. He glares at me and my gaze drops to his mouth—still wet and bruised from what we did, and his hair’s a mess, and his cheeks are still flushed. I wonder if I look the same, and if Rhys noticed at all. He didn’t seem suspicious, so maybe he missed it.

“Sorry,” I mouth at Caleb, and his scowl deepens.

Is he angry? I can’t have him angry at me again. It fucking messes with me.

I must look pathetic, because Caleb sits up. His expression softens, and he glances at Rhys’s back before crooking a finger at me.

“Come here,” he mouths, and when I do, he pulls me down by the front of my shirt and kisses me—gently and slowly, as if any sudden movements would wake Rhys. Then he pats my cheek as if I’m a puppy and whispers, “Good boy.”

I choke in surprise and Caleb grins wickedly.

***

The curtains being yanked open jolts me awake, and then harsh sunlight hits my face.

“Wakey wake, sleeping beauties!” Caleb yells, way too loudly.

Beside me, Rhys curses. “Seriously, Jennings!?”

“We’re going against my old team. No slacking off, Captain .”

“The bus isn’t leaving until later!”

“Tough luck,” Caleb says.

I rub my eyes and peer at Caleb. His hair’s wet from an early shower and he’s already changed into workout clothes. I ask, “Where are you going?”

“For a jog.” Caleb mock-salutes us and leaves. Just like that. After waking us up for no apparent reason.

“He woke us up to mess with us, didn’t he?” Rhys mumbles.

Nodding, I stand up and stretch my arms. “Yeah, looks like it.”

He seemed antsy. Maybe going against his old team has him worked up.

“You two are getting along better, huh?” Rhys yawns, and it’s a good thing I’m facing away from him because my face heats at his question. I don’t respond, and Rhys doesn’t say anything about it.

The bed dips as Rhys gets up, smacking me lightly on the arm.

“Thanks for letting me crash here,” he says.

“Sure,” I say absently. My mind’s already drifted elsewhere. Specifically, I’m thinking about Caleb. I’m only vaguely aware of Rhys opening the door and heading out.

Once Rhys is gone, I look over to Caleb’s side of the room. His side’s neat, as usual. The bed’s made and his desk is clear. It’s funny to me that despite him being a neat freak, everything else about him is pure chaos.

He’s so far from the type of person I usually date.

All my exes were, in Caleb’s own terms, prim and proper like me—not that I actively sought that out in someone. It was probably only a coincidence.

If I had to explain my past relationships, they were all very calm. I don’t even remember fighting with any of my exes, or getting so upset that I’d self-destruct and inhale tequila on a school night.

Like Jessie said, even when I caught her cheating, I didn’t have a strong reaction.

Caleb’s able to bring out someone in me I don’t recognize.

He’s different from what I’m used to, and not only because he’s a guy—though I’m finding out that this little detail doesn’t alarm me as much as I’d expect. I always thought that if I ever had to unpack my attraction to men, it would be a huge eureka moment, but no.

It is what it is.

Though it bothers me how inexperienced I am with men. My face burns at how Caleb had taken control, and I followed his lead. Even if he didn’t seem to mind, I’m nervous that if we continue with whatever this is, he’ll get bored with me before anything’s even happened.

Sighing, I force myself to stop overthinking and distract myself with schoolwork.

I pass the hours by finishing some of my papers. By the time I’m done, it’s already time to get ready and meet Rhys and Schultz downstairs. We’re carpooling to the rink where the bus is waiting to take us to Michigan for a game. I’m already dreading the nearly six-hour bus ride, but maybe that would be enough time for me to unpack what happened last night.

Who am I kidding? I’m never going to be able to unpack last night’s events.

I’m not sure where Caleb is, but I’m not worried—I’m sure he won’t miss the bus. His uncle would kill him.

Schultz smirks at me when he sees me. “I hear Morgan here caved and brought Jennings’s mattress back.”

“Nick was being too sulky,” Rhys says, leading the way to his car.

“Schultz, I have a question,” I suddenly blurt out, and he turns to me. He stops walking, and I mimic him, and Rhys does as well. “It’s random, but I don’t know who else to ask.”

Schultz waves a hand. “Shoot.”

Might as well just rip the Band-Aid off. These two are my closest friends and I trust them not to judge me.

I clear my throat and ask, “You’re into guys, right?”

Schultz, bless him, doesn’t even hesitate. “I’m pan, so yeah. Why?”

I stare at him, hesitating.

He asks, “Not as straight as you thought?”

Over his shoulder, Rhys gives me an intense look. Schultz gives me a moment to articulate myself, but when I’m unable to come up with anything, he says, “You don’t have to right now, but if you want to talk about it, I’m here.”

His reassurance floods me with warmth, especially since I’m the one who brought it up. Smiling, I say, “I’m not as straight as I thought. I guess the right term’s bi?” I chew my bottom lip for a while before adding, “I’m into someone, but I’m lost about how it works.”

“About how what works?”

“Uh...”

“Sex with another guy?”

My face flames, but I nod.

“Porn,” he says bluntly, and Rhys wheezes. “Though, wait, that shit’s not so accurate… Reddit? Quora? You can ask me if you want, I don’t mind, though it would probably be better if you asked the guy you’re actually into, especially if you trust him. Some dudes are into that thing, anyway. Teaching and all that. Besides, it’s not even that complicated. You’re a guy and you know what feels good to you, so just reciprocate, and if it goes into unchartered territory, then be honest about it.”

“I didn’t realize you were so… wise.”

Schultz punches me, and I laugh, and when I glance over at Rhys, I realize he’s too quiet. His chin’s tucked into his chest and his ears are red, and of course, I don’t call him out on it. I know he’s not judging me.

Honestly, I know he’s figuring things out for himself out as well. Rhys is into his brother’s best friend, even if he’s never outright told me. He avoids Isaac as much as he can, and his brother thinks it’s indifference, but I know better.

As if sensing me staring, Rhys meets my eyes, and I flash him a grin. He returns it, even if unsurely.

“Love you, man,” he says. “Thanks for trusting us with this.”

“Aww, my heart,” Schultz singsongs, and I let out a laugh.