Page 22

22

Caleb

S o… the last two weeks have been intense.

I think I’ve created a monster. Nicholas Sandoval is insatiable, and I can’t even complain because I’m always just as eager to put my hands on him. We fool around almost every night, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but thank god we share a dorm room. It makes everything a lot easier.

The only times we don’t fool around is when we’re too tired to do shit. Usually, it’s when I get home late from a shift, or from hanging out with Maddox, or last weekend when I drove home to see my family.

The other day, practice was grueling. I’m pushing myself because I’m hell-bent that we rank high enough and head right into the quarterfinals, but even so, my body’s swearing at me. As soon as we made it back to our room, I collapsed in my bed, telling myself to get up right away to spend time with Nick. Instead, I woke up and the sun was out, and I realized that Nick had helped me out of my clothes and had thrown a blanket over me.

My chest may have done a funny thrumming thing. Whatever that’s about.

Seriously, though… Nick’s something else. I don’t know if it’s the mind-blowing sex that’s messing with my perception of him, but what I used to think were flaws are incredibly endearing to me now. That smile? How he’s always polite and stops to make small talk with everyone? The way he never takes the bait when someone from the other team taunts him? I didn’t realize until now that all those weren’t actually flaws. It’s as if I’m seeing him in a whole new light.

Which, goddamn it, I should really figure out.

Except I don’t want to, because Nick makes me happy without even trying and I don’t want to fuck with that.

All I can think of is him. Nick Sandoval has taken up every crevice of my mind, and I find myself seeking him out all the time.

Right now, in our locker room after practice, I watch as Nick talks to Walters. The latter’s waving his hands and speaking passionately, and when I strain my ears to listen, he’s talking about a party he went to and how he hooked up with someone he’s been crushing on.

Nick nods along, a polite smile on his face and asking all the right questions just to keep Walters going. When Walters makes a comment about how the girl was even game about including her roommate in their night, that’s when I roll my eyes and focus on taking my gear off.

Unfortunately, Schultz, who’s beside me, notices my reaction. He looks at me then to Walters, then back at me. Schultz nudges my elbow and leans in close, mumbling, “Does the locker room talk bother you?”

I shrug. “Only because if I talked about my type of hookups, they’d probably get all weird about it and wouldn’t be as enthusiastic.”

“These guys are cool, don’t worry. They’ve never given a shit about me being queer. And Coach, your uncle, is married to a man. You really think anyone here would have an issue with you being gay?”

“Point taken.” I appreciate him trying to ease my mind, especially considering how I can be distrustful when it comes to how people perceive my sexuality. Nick could attest to that.

Schultz stretches out his arms and yawns. “I’m actually glad you joined the team, dude. It was getting boring being the only openly queer guy around here.”

It doesn’t get past me that he specifies openly queer guy, and I wonder if there are others that I’m not privy to. I won’t ask, though.

But also…

I eye Nick and hold back a smile. I wonder if he’d be open to telling his closest friends, namely Rhys and Schultz, about his newly found discovery about this sexuality. The question niggles at me. I know that it’s completely Nick’s decision if he’d want to come out to his friends, and I’m never going to pressure him, but at the same time… I’ve fooled around with guys who said the right things when we were alone but would pretend they didn’t even know me in public.

It's one thing to sneak around because a relationship is new, and another thing when it’s because you’re a dirty little secret they’re embarrassed of. I’m familiar with the sinking feeling that goes with being pushed aside. To hear them claim they’re completely straight and make you feel like you’re a toy they’re only passing time with.

I’m all for experimentation and discovering your sexuality, and there are a lot of reasons for not coming out. They’re all valid and I’m here for that… except when the reason is because you’re ashamed, and that’s the one reason I can’t stand.

If he were ashamed of liking guys, I still wouldn’t force him to come out, but I’d definitely be reevaluating this entire thing. That doesn’t sound like Nick though, so I put the negative thoughts away and lock them up.

After we’ve all showered and changed, it’s time for dinner and Nick and I decide to head straight to the dining hall in the student services building. We get into my car, and I’m just about to start it when the backseat doors open and Rhys and Schultz climb in.

“Hey!” I yell.

“Thanks for the ride,” Schultz says, and I glare at him through the mirror. “We carpooled here with Walters but he’s heading somewhere, the traitor.”

Smiling, Nick nudges my elbow to get me to ease up. “We’re going to the dining hall.”

Rhys buckles himself in. “Cool, I’m starving.”

I grumble under my breath but relent, backing out of my parking spot. Rhys and Nick have a conversation as I drive, while Schultz is hunched over and texting on his phone. It’s not until he gets a very familiar sounding notification that Nick pauses mid-sentence.

“What app is that?” Nick asks. “I’ve heard that notification before.”

“Flair,” Schultz says, not looking up. “It’s a queer social-networking app.”

“Queer hookup app,” I correct.

"Dude, no! It’s much more than that.”

I snort, and Schultz starts to lament about how the app’s users don’t even know half its features and how powerful it is or whatever. I wouldn’t know. To me, I get on it to get my dick wet.

Used to, anyway.

It’s not until we’re closer to the dining hall that I realize that Nick’s gone quiet. Rhys seems to notice his change in mood and settles back in his seat, and when I look over at Nick, he’s staring out the window with his chin in his hand. The window shows me his reflection—his brows are scrunched, and his eyes are narrowed, his jaw clenched.

Schultz and Rhys hop out of the car as soon as I park near the dining hall. I grunt in reply when they thank me, and frown when Nick gets out without a word, still sullen.

The dining hall’s teeming with starving college students and the four of us make a beeline towards the food choices. The entire time we’re queuing up to get our food, Nick doesn’t even look at me.

The two of us grab a table before our teammates do, and Nick noticeably takes the seat across me instead of beside me.

I lightly kick his ankle. “What’s your problem?”

Nick’s shoulders stiffen and he pokes his roasted potatoes. “Not important.”

Before I can berate him for that response, Rhys and Schultz arrive. Schultz sits beside me and elbows me, saying, “By the way, why don’t you use Flair anymore?”

“Deleted the app a few weeks ago because I didn’t need it anymore.” As soon as I say that, Nick visibly relaxes. Even if he’s hunched over his food, I can see how the corner of his lips quirk up.

Ohhh. He’s sulking because of the app? I cough to hide back a laugh, because isn’t that just adorable?

“Aww,” Schultz whines. “How am I supposed to reach you, then?”

“Through my number?” I say incredulously. “Who the hell uses Flair for normal conversations?”

He shoves a spoonful of food into his mouth and snickers. “It’s a lot easier rather than switching between screens all the time.”

“Wait… wait, wait. Back up.” Rhys looks at Schultz in alarm. “You two matched on a queer hookup app?”

“Yeah,” I say. “But only because I wanted to tell him how stupid his tattoo looks in his profile pic.”

“I recognized his piercings.” Schultz pretends to gag. “Don’t worry, he’s not my type and we’ve made that very clear.”

“Likewise.”

Rhys chuckles. “Didn’t know you had a type, Schultz.”

“I do have a type. Think of beautiful light brown hair, huge hazel eyes, glasses, freckles… walks around super confidently and looks smart as hell.”

Is this motherfucker describing Maddox? I stare at him in disbelief.

“Introduce me to Maddox,” Schultz says plainly, and yup, he certainly is.

“Nope. Nope, nope, nope.”

“Why!?”

“Because you use a hookup app as your default messenger.”

His jaw drops. “Are you slut-shaming me?”

“No.” I pat his shoulder in the most patronizing way. Of course, I, of all people, wouldn’t be bothered by how he prefers casual relationships… but that’s not what Maddox is into at all. He doesn’t broadcast it, but my best friend’s into romantic gestures, serious relationships, and all that. Also, sue me, but I’m fiercely overprotective of him. “Glad you’re in your slut era, buddy, and I love that for you. Be your authentic self, just be it far away from Maddox.”

“Hey!”

Rhys, thank god for him, I guess, changes the subject. He says to Schultz, “Never realized that’s the app you’re always on.”

“Yeah… okay, real talk though, it’s not like I use it just for hookups. It really is a social networking app, and I’ve made some good friends on there.”

Rhys smirks. “Friends with benefits?”

“Yes, the best kind of friends. Ah, but I guess I should stop trying to sell it… not like any of you would really be interested.”

Nick suddenly leans back and folds his arms. “No, please, tell us more about Flair. I used to hear that notification from Caleb’s phone all the time, so it must be quite fascinating.”

Schulz misses the dry sarcasm in Nick’s voice and animatedly goes on a tirade about the app’s features. You’d think he was the creator with how much he gushes about it, even talking about how you can report creeps easily and get them banned. He also talks about how it’s got a story feature like on Instagram, and that it’s fun to catch up on the days of people he’s matched with.

I have to hand it to Rhys, he nods along and pretends he wants to hear all this. Nick’s nodding along too, though he’s glowering at me the entire time Schultz is speaking.

Smirking, I whip out my phone. I send Nick a message and he breaks eye contact to take his own phone out, his lips parting when he sees it’s from me.

Me: Your possessiveness is showing. Relax, like I said, I deleted the app weeks ago.

Nicky: If you say so.

Me: Jealous, much?

Nicky: No.

Me: What am I supposed to do? Turn back time?

Nicky: No. Drop it. It’s whatever. Not my business.

Me: And yet here you are, sulking.

Nicky: I’m not.

Me: Will it help if I suck your dick tonight?

I snort when a dying sound escapes Nick, and he puts his phone away in a jerky movement.

Schultz glances at him. “What, Sandoval?”

“Nothing,” Nick mutters.

“You going to download the app? You can probably find a dude on there who… uh.” His voice tapers off and he goes pale, giving me a panicked look. “Oh. Uh. I mean.”

I stare at him, confused.

“To, uh. You know. A dude you can be… an ally to,” Schultz finishes.

A snort escapes Rhys. “Smooth save.”

Oh. Ohhh. That’s when it clicks—Schultz doesn’t know that I know Nick’s bi. Honestly, it’s news to me that Schultz was aware. They’ve talked about this?

Nick’s still blushing. “It’s okay, Schultz. Caleb knows I’m bi.”

“Oh, thank fucking god.” Dramatically, Schultz grasps his chest and heaves. “Thought I accidentally outed you there, man. Sorry, I think I’m just really excited that there’s one more queer dude on the team.”

“Didn’t know you all knew.” I’m unable to hide the shock in my voice.

“He told us the other week,” Rhys says. “Right before we went to that away game against your old team.”

I do some digging in my head. Holy shit. That was after the night we kissed, and the day we fooled around in the hotel.

He told them that early? I huff a laugh and bury my hand in my face. The fuck was I even worried about earlier, concerned that Nick might not come out to his friends? He did it literal hours after we made out for the first time.

“Why are you laughing?” Schultz asks, and I swat at him in an effort to get him to shut up. That only puts him on defensive mode for Nick though, because he says, “Ignore this ass, Sandoval. Use the app to meet someone.”

“I’m good, but thank you,” Nick mumbles, and when I peek at him from between my fingers, his face is crimson. Beside him, Rhys has his palms pressed against his eyes as he leans back and tries not to laugh, probably at the ridiculousness of this entire conversation. Or maybe he’s laughing because he’s figured us out. Who knows?

***

When Nick and I reach our dorm room, I push him up against the door. He grunts in surprise, hands flying up to my hair. I can’t help it, though. I keep him in place and suck on his lower lip, reveling in the soft sounds he makes.

“You came out to your friends,” I say when I break away from him. “Hours after we made out, you came out to them immediately.”

“Yeah? Shouldn’t I have?” He cocks his head, seemingly puzzled by my reaction. “Was that too fast…? It’s not like I’ve never been attracted to a guy before, and I… wanted advice and knew that Schultz was also into guys.”

“Advice?”

Nick gives me a shaky smile. “I was afraid I’d be bad… you know, if we fooled around.”

My eyebrows shoot up. “You asked Schultz for sex advice?”

“Ah, yeah. Nothing specific, and he told me to be honest with whoever I’m with, and that most guys are into the whole teaching thing anyway.”

Well… yeah. That’s true. Startled, my hands drop to my sides and I give him a calculative look. Nick chews on his lower lip as if he’s working himself to say something, and I wait.

He murmurs, “I guess I was just a little insecure because you have a lot of experience and I… don’t?”

“You don’t even have to think about that. Besides, the sex is mind-blowing.”

“C-Caleb!” he splutters.

“If you want to try something, simply tell me.” I grin wickedly. “I’ll teach you, if that’s what you want.”

He chews on his lips again and averts his gaze. Nick mumbles something under his breath that I don’t catch, so I lean in and grab his jaw, forcing him to look at me.

“Say that again,” I say.

Nick swallows. Clearer now, he repeats, “Instead of you, um, blowing me tonight… teach me how to do it instead. I want to learn.”

Fuck. This guy. I swear I almost come on the spot.

“Yeah.” My voice comes out raspy. “I—Yeah. Okay.”

Nick’s eyes light up and he grins, as if I’ve just agreed to something else entirely—as if I had told him I wanted to suck him off, and not the other way around. How can someone be this enthusiastic about giving head just because he wants to learn ? What a fucking dork.

Not for the first time, I arrive at the very real conclusion that Nick Sandoval’s going to be the end of me.