Page 27

27

Nick

I screwed up. Big time.

Caleb’s slipping away. It’s gradual but it’s happening, and I don’t know how to pull him back. He grows more distant every single day, coming back to our room late, taking his own car to practice, and spending most of his time in the café or with Maddox.

This is why I hate letting my temper get to me—I blurt out the most reckless things. Why the hell did I say he messed things up for me? That’s so far from the truth. Yes, he did turn my world upside down, but in the most perfect way.

This morning, I woke up to a sandwich and a to-go coffee on my desk. He usually brings them back for me when I sleep in, but then he waits around until I actually get up to hand it to me. I stare at the breakfast he left for me, but then his side of the room’s noticeably empty. He didn’t even leave a note or a text telling me where he went, and the subtle changes are loud in my brain.

Hesitating, I pull out my phone, my fingers faltering over my screen.

Fuck. What’s going on with me?

Me: Thanks for the meal. Where are you?

Caleb: Library, getting a paper done.

I frown. He usually just works on his desk, on his laptop.

Me: I don’t have classes until after lunch. Want to meet up?

Caleb: Nah, I need to get this done

Me: Let’s carpool to practice?

Caleb: Not today. I want to stay after and do drills on my own

There’s a tightness in my chest that won’t go away, and I let out a long exhale and massage my temples. I want to offer to stay and do the drills with him, but it’s clear that he’d rather be alone.

I end up studying for the rest of the morning and then decide to head to the dining hall for lunch. It’s freezing, but the five-minute walk to the hall would probably clear my mind. At our dorm’s doors, I stop and pull my phone out, anticipating I have a message from Caleb. Even if he doesn’t have a reason to send another one.

Nothing.

I’m putting my phone away when it buzzes, and I jerk the screen towards me, feeling hopeful. My lips curl to a frown when I see that it’s not Caleb, but Rhys. All it says is, “Sup?”

“Wow,” Rhys says from behind me. “Didn’t think a message from me would depress you that much.”

Startled, I give him a look. Like me, he’s dressed to go out, a thick scarf wrapped around his neck and a beanie pulled down to his ears.

“You were standing there for a full minute looking like you were waiting for a text,” Rhys says. “So I texted you. Didn’t think you’d be sad about it, though.”

“Sorry. I was expecting someone else, is all.”

“Of course you were.” He smacks my back and pushes me towards the door. “Where are you going?”

“Dining hall.”

“Okay, was going to grab a quick bite too. Let’s go together.”

It only occurs to me now that while Rhys and I see each other almost every day because of hockey, we hang out considerably less than before. Even back when I was with my ex, Rhys and I were together almost daily even outside practice. I was with him more than I was with Jessie.

Since Caleb and I started spending more time together, my time with Rhys has dwindled. While he’s never complained about it, I feel bad for only thinking about myself. What has he been up to?

We make our way to the dining hall, passing through the snow-covered quad. Because of the freezing weather, there aren’t a lot of people outside. Rhys is talking about one of the classes he’s taking, and a billow of clouds escapes his mouth when he groans about how there’s an assignment he hasn’t started.

“You good?” Rhys asks me, after I haven’t said a word in a full two minutes.

Shit. Even if I wanted to use this as an opportunity to catch up with him, my thoughts are too deafening.

“Yeah,” I lie.

“Talk to me, Nick.”

My shoulders stiffen, and my automatic answer of it’s nothing threatens to come out. I shake my head, deciding to change the subject instead. “What happened to that blind date you went on last week? Overheard the guys setting you up with one.”

Rhys’s expression twists. “Didn’t work out.”

“She wasn’t your type?”

“No, uh… she was cool. Pretty, funny, and smart. She asked if I wanted to go out again, but I wasn’t feeling it.”

I try not to smile because I’ve heard this story before countless times.

Rhys lets out a sigh. “Archer found out and wouldn’t shut up.” He says, mocking his brother’s voice, “ Get a girlfriend. Put in some effort. Bring someone home to Mom and Dad. You’re twenty-one, Rhys, stop fucking around. As if twenty-one is even that old? The asshole gets a girlfriend longer than three days and suddenly he thinks he’s the subject matter expert.”

Okay, I do laugh out loud this time. “You’ll find a girl you’re into, don’t worry.”

He’s quiet for a long moment, and the sounds of our shoes crunching through the snow is all I can hear. When I turn to look at him, his eyes are downcast and he’s frowning. I wince, instantly feeling bad because it looks like he’s ruminating about what I said.

Finally, he mutters, “I guess.”

I’ve known him long enough to know that he’s in his head. It’s ironic, really. Rhys says I tend to bottle in my feelings, but he’s the exact same way.

When the building that houses the dining hall comes into sight, Rhys clears his throat. He says, “You hear about Isaac’s new job?”

It’s always a delicate subject talking about his brother’s best friend, and I’m surprised he even brought it up. “He’s coaching the new kids’ hockey program at the rink, right?”

“Yeah. Their training’s right after ours on Mondays and Thursdays, and apparently, we can volunteer to help out if we want to.”

“Schultz and Vega are excited about it.”

“Uh-huh.”

I chew on my cheek. Hesitatingly, I ask, “Are you going to volunteer too?”

In the corner of my eye, I see Rhys blow out a breath and scrub a gloved hand over his face. “Nah,” he mumbles.

Of course, because when it comes to Isaac, Rhys is always going to avoid him any chance he gets. I hate seeing Rhys like this, and it guilts me that I can’t do more for him.

Just when I think that conversation’s over as soon as it started, Rhys lets out a hoarse and bitter laugh.

“Rhys?”

“Shit.” He shakes his arms as if to get the tension out of them. Rhys grits out, “I’m a trainwreck, Nick. I’m never going to get over Isaac, am I? How can a single person have that big of an impact on me?”

My jaw drops and I blink at him. I’ve known Rhys for almost my entire life, and I’ve known he’s been crushing on Isaac since they met in middle school. Even if I’ve never asked about it, it’s simply one of those facts in life that I’m aware of. Pay attention to how Rhys looks at his brother’s best friend and it couldn’t be clearer.

“What?” Rhys asks. “That can’t be a surprise to you.”

We’ve stopped walking, and I don’t even realize it until a small group of students pass us, talking to themselves. Once they’re a good distance away, I stammer, “I-it’s not. Um… yeah, it’s not a surprise. Does… does your brother know?”

“Of course not. He wouldn’t think I’d ever be into his best friend, let alone have a clue that I’m not straight.” Rhys slumps in defeat. “I don’t even know what I am! I’ve slept with girls and liked it, so I’m definitely not gay. Bi? Pan?”

“Okay, okay… Rhys, breathe. You don’t have to figure it out right at this moment.” I wait until he nods in agreement before I ask, “Does anyone else know?”

“Only you.” He levels a stare at me. “You coming out may have just been the kick I needed to deal with my own shit. So thanks for that. Seriously.”

“Rhys!” I can’t help the wide smile that spreads across my face. I finally did something right by Rhys for once. “What did you say to me again? Ah, wait. Give me a moment. I remember.” Putting on the most serious expression I can muster, I hold him by the shoulders. I take a long, deep breath and say, “Love you, man. Thanks for trusting me with this.”

He snickers, and despite the chilly air, his cheeks brighten. I attempt to block how he swipes at me, but his fist collides with my elbow, and I yell in protest.

“Almost our entire first line’s queer, by the way.” He grins in amusement. “Schultz will be thrilled.”

“If you tell him,” I point out.

“One day. Maybe thirty years from now.”

“Jesus, Rhys!”

“Anyway, now are you going to be the one to share with the class?” he asks sarcastically. “Why have you been sulking since we got back from break?”

“Hmm,” I say, pretending to think about it. “Nah.”

“Fucking typical.” He swipes at me again and I evade it this time, laughing. “Whatever. Do I need to beat someone up? Like a loud-mouthed winger on the team?”

My heart thumps and my eyes widen but I don’t say anything, and Rhys only grins at me.

Even much later in the day, one thing Rhys said rings true. Rubbing my sternum, I think of Caleb as I repeat the words in my mind.

How can a single person have that big of an impact on me?