Page 31 of You've Found Oliver

I’m hoping yesterday was a dream. I open my eyes to the sunlight. I’m not back in my dorm room. I’m still on Mom’s sofa, where I slept last night. How much longer will I be here?

I push myself up and look at the time. Mom must have left for work early again, because the car keys are gone from the hook.

My mind goes back to last night. I can’t believe what I did yesterday.

I didn’t even stay long enough to see Connor at the party.

Why was that so important to me? I don’t even know if it changed anything.

There are no new messages from Julie. Maybe that means Nolan and Connor didn’t leave together this time.

Strangely, I don’t feel much better about it, even if I did manage to stop it from happening.

I stare at the clouds through the window.

It’s another day in Ben’s timeline. I wish we could at least spend it together.

But I’m sure he’s busy with class today.

And it’s not like he lives across the street from me.

I need to find Julie and ask her about the party.

I send her a quick text. She doesn’t respond, but I have a feeling I know where she is anyway.

I grab a jacket and take a brisk stroll through campus.

I tried looking up Julie’s location earlier.

The screen still glitches when I open the app.

But I don’t really need it to know where she is.

I head to the library. Julie usually studies there in the morning before class.

I find her sitting at her favorite table by the window.

There are a few other people studying here.

I try to keep quiet and take the seat next to her.

Julie looks up and says, “Morning.”

“Had a feeling you’d be here,” I say proudly.

“It is Monday. Might need another coffee soon.” She tucks her hair behind her ear. “How was your mom’s birthday last night?”

I lean back in my chair, sighing. “I missed it.”

“What do you mean, you missed it ?”

“I didn’t make it in time,” I whisper. “I know, it’s stupid. I was stupid.”

Julie closes her book. “ Oliver , I can’t believe you. What did your mom say about it?”

“I haven’t talked to her yet. She left before I woke up.”

“Was it because you stopped by that party? I don’t know why you went in the first place.” She shakes her head in disappointment.

“I was only there for an hour. Did anything happen after I left?”

“Not really,” she says, thinking about it. “Except Nolan’s friend Tony was flirting with me the whole time.”

“What about Connor? Did he show up?”

“At one point. But he didn’t stay long.”

“Did Nolan leave with him?”

“No, he was with me the whole time,” she says.

“So you don’t think anything happened ?”

“Not that I could tell.” She leans forward, keeping her voice low. “Is something going on between them?”

I let out a breath. “Maybe.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Woman’s intuition,” I say vaguely.

“Stop being so cryptic and tell me.”

“I can’t really say. I just had a…feeling, okay?”

Julie presses her lips together. “Well, if it’s only a feeling , why don’t you just talk to Nolan about it?”

I give her a look. “Why on earth would I talk to that jerk?”

“I mean, you are dating him,” she reminds me.

“Oh. Right.”

I almost forgot about that part. This shouldn’t bother me so much. Especially after all the healing I’ve done. Who cares what happened after the party? It won’t change what I have with Ben. I push last night out of my mind and say, “Forget Nolan. I don’t want to talk about him anymore.”

“You’re so moody lately,” Julie says.

“I just need something to eat.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be in class?”

I blink at her. “Class?”

“It’s Monday. Don’t you have Math Modeling?”

Then it hits me—this is fall quarter. What was my schedule again? It takes a second to come back to me. “Oh my god, you’re right.”

Does this mean I’m supposed go? I rise from my chair and make my way out anyway.

I thought I would never step foot in the math building again.

I’m not sure if it affects my own timeline if I skip it.

But I don’t want to take any risks and fail the class.

I’ve had plenty of nightmares about this very scenario.

I’m only fifteen minutes late when I come through the door.

Thankfully, it’s a pretty big lecture hall.

I find an empty seat as Professor Paul seems not to notice and continues to write on the board.

I can’t believe I have to listen to this all over again.

Professor Paul is going over differential equations.

I barely understood it the first time around.

I had to go to office hours for help every week.

I don’t even have anything to take notes with.

So I just sit there and try not to look confused.

The hour goes by painfully slow. I’m counting down the minutes until it’s over.

At the end of class, Professor Paul reminds us about the assignment that’s due.

There’s no way I have to do that, right?

I don’t even remember where my textbook is.

Thankfully, the person next to me lets me borrow a pen.

I write the page number on my hand and head out.

I try to remember the rest of my schedule. I only took Math Modeling to fulfill the core requirement. Hopefully I don’t have to come back tomorrow. Should I be worrying about my classes though? Maybe I’ll grab my books, just in case. That would mean stopping by my old dorm room.

As I’m coming out of the building, someone is waiting for me.

“Hey.”

I stop abruptly. I forgot Nolan always waits for me after class. He smiles and leans in for a kiss. But I manage to dodge it this time. He blinks at me and says, “Is everything good?”

“Yeah, fine.”

“I tried calling this morning,” he says.

“Sorry. It’s my phone.”

“Are we still getting lunch later?”

I shake my head. “No, I have to study.”

“You still need some food, right?”

“I’m, uh, also sick.” I pretend to cough. “Gotta go now.”

I turn abruptly and hurry off. It doesn’t matter if we’re still together in this timeline. I still don’t want anything to do with him. I cross the bridge, heading toward my old dorm. I’m hoping I can just grab my things and go.

Luckily, Connor isn’t there when I come in.

The books are sitting on my desk beside the succulent I never watered.

I only take the textbooks I think I need.

And I might as well grab some clothes while I’m here.

Especially since I have no plans to come back later.

I place everything into a bag and head for the door.

But I pause and stare at Connor’s side of the room.

I’m still not sure if something happened between him and Nolan last night.

There could be some clues around here. I imagine finding Nolan’s boxers or wallet beneath the sheets.

I know I shouldn’t care anymore, but something inside me says to check.

So I lift them up and take a quick look.

I don’t find anything suspicious. Unless it fell down the side of the bed.

As I’m climbing over the mattress, the door opens behind me.

Connor comes into the room. He takes his headphones off and watches me scramble off the bed. This obviously looks suspicious.

“Lose something there?”

“Uh, no?”

“What are you doing on my bed?”

I could easily make something up. But I might as well confront him about it. After all, I’ve already done it once before. I straighten myself and say, “Did you hook up with Nolan?”

His expression freezes. “When did he tell you…”

My stomach turns. I’m feeling sick again. “So that was your plan all along? To wait until I was gone last night?”

He blinks, confused. “We didn’t hook up last night.”

“Then when did it happen?”

“Like a month ago.”

“ A month ago? How long has this been going on?”

“It was only the one time,” he says.

I can’t believe what I’m hearing. How could it have already happened?

I’m about to go on a tirade, calling him the worst roommate in the world, but this confrontation is no longer worth my time.

So I grab my bag and leave without another word.

As I’m out the door, I remember something.

The last time I left, I took back the MALIN+GOETZ candle I bought him during a sale.

This is one thing I want to repeat. I head back inside and grab it from his dresser.

“I’m taking my gift back.”

Then I storm out again. I’m not really sure where to go anymore. I turn down the road and make my way off campus.

There’s a spot behind the park I used to go to as a kid.

It’s a small hiding place, shrouded by trees and bushes.

When I was younger, I used to come here when my parents were arguing.

It became my secret escape from the world.

Like Sophie’s garden in Howl’s Moving Castle .

Or the creek by the woods in Bridge to Terabithia .

The last time I came here was the day after Sam’s funeral.

He was one of the few people who knew about this place.

Maybe I watched too many movies growing up.

It’s magical thinking, but a part of me wondered whether he might show up if I waited long enough.

There’s a rustle in the bushes followed by a voice calling out my name.

“Oliver?”

Crawling on her hands and knees, Julie emerges from the fortress of branches. I sent her a long text an hour ago while she was in class. I had to tell someone about what happened earlier. I’m still processing it as she sits down next to me.

“What are you doing out here?”

“Being a prisoner of my own thoughts.”

Julie sighs. “Usually, I’d call you dramatic, but I think you have a right to be this time.” I’ve already told her about Nolan, at least the part that Connor revealed to me. “I’m sorry about what happened.”

I say nothing.

“How did you find out about it?”

“It doesn’t really matter right now.”

She frowns. “I’m sorry I didn’t do a better job yesterday.”

“Don’t be. It wouldn’t have changed anything.”

I silently pick at the dry grass. Julie watches me for a while. Then she says, “I’m surprised you’re not taking this harder.”

That’s because I technically found out about this six months ago.

Maybe I thought it would hurt less if I could stop it.

I should have just showed up for Mom’s birthday or spent another night with Ben instead of wasting time trying to change the past. All I can think to say is, “It’s not the worst loss I’ve experienced. ”

My words hang in the air.

Julie touches my shoulder. “Forget Nolan. I never liked him anyway.”

“I know you didn’t.”

We sit there for a while, listening to the branches brushing against each other. Julie helped me go through this the first time around. I wonder what future her from the spring would say to me. Probably something I don’t want to hear right now.

Eventually, Julie helps me up to my feet. Then she walks me back to campus.

At least we get to spend more time together.

It reminds me how much I’ve missed her lately.

We grab some food from the dining hall and head to the library.

I don’t bother to study for anything. But watching her write makes it feel like old times again.

Who knows how much longer I’ll be here, so I try to enjoy the hours we have together.

But I’m still here when I wake up the next morning.

And I’m here the day after that.

I’m starting to think that I’m not going back.