Page 27 of You've Found Oliver

“Time is never constant, but always in motion.”

Professor Clarke’s words have been stuck in my head.

Especially these past few days while I’m sitting in class, staring at the clock on the wall.

Sometimes, time feels like it’s moving faster than I can catch up to it.

Like everyone’s left on the train while I’m still standing at the platform, waiting.

Maybe that’s because I don’t know which direction I’m going.

All these lectures and unfinished assignments haven’t helped me figure out what to do with my life.

I blink and another day passes without me noticing.

No matter how hard I try to slow things down, it feels like time is always running out.

It’s been a week since I last saw Ben. It’s still hard to believe we’re living six months apart.

The Pacific Northwest experienced the biggest snowstorm we’ve had in years, and he doesn’t even know it yet.

I already received my first grades of the quarter, and he hasn’t started classes.

I’ve watched the newest Space Ninjas movie twice, and he’s still waiting for it to premiere in theaters.

I’ve been thinking about what Ben said the last time we were together.

“I’d want to take a glimpse into the future…

Wouldn’t you rather know where your life is headed? ”

He’s constantly making plans for the future while my head’s in the past. Sometimes, it feels like we’re looking in different directions.

Maybe I should try to think more like him.

Have some things in place to look forward to.

Like the fellowship he applied to. I wonder if he’s heard back by now.

I’ve been doing my best to avoid looking him up again.

I don’t want to find out these things before him and ruin the surprise.

Who knows how that might affect things in the long run?

But I couldn’t help myself recently. I googled his name a few days ago.

Most of the search results are articles I’ve seen before.

Then I find something dated from two weeks ago.

A newsletter from the University of Washington.

There’s a picture of Ben standing with two other students.

Then I read the caption: Recipients of the ESA Research Award.

This means he won the fellowship after all.

I thought about texting him when I read the rest of the article.

Recipients of this fellowship will have the opportunity to spend up to a year at the Anton Pannekoek Institute for Astronomy in the Netherlands .

I didn’t realize he would be leaving for so long.

What would that mean for us? Living six months apart has been hard enough already.

I was hoping we would eventually find a way to fix all this, bridge the timelines somehow so we can finally be together.

But how would that be possible when he’s on the other side of the world?

I stare at the screen, unsure what to do with the news.

I probably shouldn’t have looked in the first place.

Because now I know what his future looks like.

I can’t keep it a secret from him, but he did say he wanted some surprises, right?

Maybe that means I don’t have to tell him right now.

I can decide the next time when I see him in person.

Eventually, I force myself to start the day.

I’m heading to the shower when something stops me.

There are flowers outside my door. A bouquet of beautiful white roses.

For a second, I think Ben might have sent them, but that’s impossible.

How can he send something six months in the future?

Maybe they were delivered for Ethan. I glance at the card.

It’s my name written on the envelope. I read the note inside.

Sorry we won’t get to dance together tonight. Feel free to take someone else. — Nolan

He’s enclosed two tickets to the Pindar Dance.

But why is he giving them to me? I stare at the flowers.

I assumed he would have asked someone else to go with him by now.

Maybe this is his way of saying he’s moved on, too?

It’s hard to believe we once had plans to go together.

At least it’s a kind gesture, but I’m not really sure how to feel.

He probably remembers how much I was looking forward to it.

It’s bittersweet in a way I can’t put into words.

But what am I supposed to do with these tickets?

As much as I want to, it’s not like I could take Ben with me.

I would give them to Rami, but he’s away for the weekend.

I wish Julie was here. I know I should probably throw the flowers away, but I hate the thought of them wilting in the garbage.

So I bring them inside and place them on my desk.

White roses always remind me of Sam. I once shared that with Nolan, so it’s probably not a coincidence that he chose them. He was always thoughtful when it came to my friendship with Sam. It’s one of the things I appreciated about him the most.

I should probably give him back the tickets, since I don’t have much use for them. Maybe Julie will have an opinion. I take a picture of the flowers and send it to her. Surprisingly, she responds pretty quickly.

Who are they from?

Redacted

Get rid of them

I had a feeling she would say that.

He also gave me his tickets to the dance tonight

What a weirdo

Must be a part of his strategy to win you back

You better not fall for it

Maybe but I really don’t think it’s like that. He gave me BOTH tickets and said I should take someone else

Hmm. I guess that’s nice of him

But I would still be careful

Relax. I don’t plan on going

Unless you think I should?

I suppose it would be a waste…

You could invite Ben

I glance at the tickets again. If only that was a possibility.

I don’t think he’ll make it in time

That’s too bad

You could always go alone. At least to the dinner portion anyway. Isn’t a ticket like two hundred dollars?

I consider this for a moment. Maybe that’s not such a bad idea.

I could stay for dinner and leave before the actual dance.

After all, there’s no need to waste both tickets.

I should probably run this by Ben first. I know he already said I should go.

But it feels wrong to do this without telling him, so I send him a message.

Got a hold of a ticket to the dance I mentioned!

I might stop by for a little. Food is supposed to be good

Thoughts?

I wait anxiously for his response. But not for long.

That sounds like fun

Glad you decided to go

Really wish you could come too

I’m not planning to go with anyone

Will probably leave right after dinner

I wish I could be there

It would have been fun to dance together

I close my eyes and try to imagine it. The two of us dressed in suit jackets, surrounded by flowers that decorate the reception hall.

I know

Hopefully another time

I’m planning to see my parents for dinner tonight

Maybe I can drive over afterwards

For dessert

Ice cream or something?

I smile at this.

That sounds great

Perf

I’ll text you before I leave

It’s sad that we can’t dance together. At least I get to see him later tonight.

Maybe I should have mentioned that Nolan gave me the tickets, but it’s not like I’d be going with him.

I’m sure he won’t even be there at all. I’ll just go enjoy the dinner and hang out with Ben afterwards.

I check the time on my phone. The event doesn’t start for a few hours.

That gives me plenty of time to get ready.

There’s a dress code on the back of the ticket.

I’ll have to stop by the apartment to grab a change of clothes.

As I’m walking through the quad, I notice a line of tents have been set up on the grass.

Looks like a club fair is taking place. I’ve been meaning to sign up for something to do after class.

Especially knowing how active Ben is on campus.

I glance around at the different tables.

There’s an astronomy club here that could be fun to join.

I could impress Ben with some facts I learn.

I walk up to grab a flyer and key chain. A girl smiles behind the table and says, “Hey, I’m Kat! Our club meets every other Tuesday if you’re interested in joining. We’re actually having a stargazing event next week. Everyone’s welcome to come.”

“Oh, really?”

“And it’s gonna be a really cool one,” she says, smiling. “It’s the last chance to see Roy’s Comet before it’s gone for the next twenty-nine years. We’re expecting a big meteor shower that follows it, too. Bring some of your friends if you’d like!”

“Oh, um…I don’t really have any friends. But can I have this sticker?”

“Sure.”

I’ve never heard of Roy’s Comet before. I wonder if Ben knows about it. I write my name down and check out some of the other tents. Then I head home to grab some things to change into.

The Pindar dinner takes place at Barge Hall.

I can hear the music through the open windows.

I adjust my tie one more time and make my way inside.

Satin-covered tables with floral arrangements fill the room.

Maybe I should have gotten here earlier; most of the seats have already been taken.

Thankfully, I find a table with two open chairs.

I take a seat and scan the rest of the room.

I had started to wonder if Nolan might show up to surprise me, but I don’t see him or his friends anywhere.

I guess these really were the only tickets he had.

Everyone looks like they’re dressed for a wedding. A man comes by and fills our water glasses. Then he points to the empty seat, asking if someone is sitting next to me.

“I don’t think so,” I say.