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Page 41 of Write Me For You

Jesse

J une’s head lay against my arm as I swung us on the egg chair. We were bundled up in a blanket, the night a little cold. I stared out at the millions of stars above us.

“What are you thinking?” June asked and glanced up at me. There was a spark missing from her deep-brown gaze. Her parents had sat with us for hours. They clearly hadn’t wanted to leave, but seeing that June wanted some time alone with me, her mom called it a night.

All of us were emotionally battered. My mom was arriving tomorrow, and she wasn’t leaving until…well, until there was no more reason for her to stay. She was bringing the rugrats too, and even just knowing they’d be with me made me feel a little stronger.

“The stars,” I said, answering June’s question, my voice raspy. I’d shed too many tears to count. Not for myself but over the fact that my girl, my Junebug, was fading too. I’d prayed so hard for her to be saved.

Those prayers hadn’t been answered.

“They look so pretty out here,” she said. Both June and I had been offered the chance to return to our hometowns when the time to pass was close. Both of us had declined. We would pass here at the ranch, with the others, where we had met.

“See that star there?” I pointed at one in the sky.

“Mmm?” June said, running her hand up and down my stomach. We could barely let each other go, clinging to the other with palpable desperation.

“Silas was telling me about it a few weeks ago,” I said. “He was outside his suite with a telescope. When I asked him what he was doing, he showed me that star.”

“What did he say about it?” she asked, staring up at the sky. She looked so beautiful, head tilted up and eyes filled with wonder.

“That it was four thousand light years away.” June flicked her focus to me and shivers ran up my arms—I had the love of this girl.

This brave and perfect girl. She held my heart in my hand, and I held hers in mine.

I was dying, had just a handful of weeks left.

My life was a miniscule grain of sand in the universe’s hourglass.

So was June’s. Yet sitting here beside her, it felt like everything .

I was born to meet her. To walk this rocky path hand in hand and be there, together, at the end.

I’d come to the realization weeks ago that UT and football weren’t in my future.

Any remaining weight on my shoulders had fallen away, and though my body was failing, my soul was at more peace than ever.

A lump built in my throat. I cleared it and said, “Silas said it has taken four thousand years to reach our eyes from its home.” A small smile etched on June’s lips.

I took hold of her hand and kissed my heart in her palm.

“He said that star would have long burned out, yet its shine remains to us all the way across the universe. Beautiful and lighting up our skies.”

“Jesse,” June rasped, understanding what I was saying.

I kissed her fingers, and the back of her hand. “We might not have a long life ahead of us, but maybe our love story will last like that star and be a comfort to somebody out there who needs to hear it, long after we’re gone.” Tears trickled down her face. “I love you, Junebug.”

June sat up. “I love you too, Jesse,” she said, and then kissed me. She kissed me deeply. Sliding her hand to my face, she pulled back and met my eyes. “I’m getting weaker,” she said, and a wave of intense fear crashed through me.

I nodded, unable to speak.

“I know you are too.” June inhaled. She closed her eyes and placed my hand on her face. A smile broke out onto her lips. When she opened her eyes again, she said, “I want to be with you, while we still can.”

My heart kicked into a sprint. “Junebug…”

“You love me, and I love you. And in no time at all, we’ll lose the strength to show each other how much.” I placed my hand over hers that was still on my cheek. I dropped my forehead to hers and nodded.

I wanted this girl in every way possible.

Getting up off the chair, I helped June get to her feet, led her inside my room, and moved to the door to turn the lock. “Just in case,” I said, smirking, and June laughed. My heart swelled. I would never tire of hearing that sound.

She pulled the drapes over the porch’s doors, and in the low light of the lamp, began to undo the buttons of her pajama top.

June was free of her headscarf, her skin was pale, yet I couldn’t remember when I had ever seen anyone or anything so beautiful.

And there wasn’t an ounce of insecurity within her, which was the most stunning thing of all.

I held out my hand for her, then guided her to the bed. We lay down, and I kissed her. I kissed her and kissed her, telling her how much I loved her until we became one.

Afterward, June lay in my arms, and I had never felt so peaceful in my life. June was tracing the heart on my palm. I kissed her head and wished on that four-thousand-year-old star that we could go just like this. In one another’s arms, no pain, just happiness and light until we drifted away.

“We’ll never go gray,” June murmured, and I stilled. June lifted her head, and I met her watery gaze. “We’ll never get wrinkles.”

“People spend a lot of money to avoid them.” I chuckled.

“I wouldn’t,” she said, then crushed my heart when she added, “I would want nothing more than to see a wrinkle form on my forehead, evidence that I was getting older and living my life. I would smile with pure joy seeing a gray hair on my hairline because it would mean that we were being given time. ”

June sighed, and it took all that I had to not break down in tears.

“And laughter lines,” she said, smiling.

“I would watch those laughter lines grow deeper each year, rejoicing that I had the energy to laugh.” June moved up to my chest and rested her chin on her hand.

“Because that’s my favorite thing to do with you: laugh.

Through all the pain and the sadness, you have helped me keep joy in my heart this entire time, Jesse.

” June’s eyes shimmered. “I don’t think you know what a gift that has been to me. ”

“I know, June. Because you have been a gift to me too.”

June lay back down on my chest and, with a hitch in her breathing, said, “I know this is our fate and that death is hovering close to us, but I would have really loved to have a life with you, Jesse. Not even a big life—I’d have been content with a little one.

I would have loved to have been your wife and had children with you.

And year by year, we would watch them grow from our home in the country, until they were old enough to move on, then we’d watch the grandchildren grow too. ”

June smiled up at me. “And we’d sit on our porch swing, eighty years old and still holding one another’s hearts in our hands, with a map of wrinkles on our faces and gray hair on our heads.

And our laugh lines would be deep and speak of a life lived with so much laughter, gratefulness, and love.

” June cupped my cheek. “Because we would have lived , Jesse. We would have lived such a beautiful life.”

“That sounds real nice, Junebug,” I whispered, because I could hardly speak. That life sounded perfect.

June took her hand off my face and laid it over my heart. She laid her head down there too, and I listened to her breathe as she listened to my heartbeat. Her breathing was sweetest sound to me these days because it meant I still had her beside me.

Eventually, her breathing evened out, and I reached for my sketchpad and pencil and began to plan. I couldn’t make all June’s dreams come true; we would never be those people sitting on the porch watching our grandchildren play. But I could do one thing—one huge, extra-special thing.

We had the time. Just a little more time to make it come true.

But it would be just enough.

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