Page 35 of Write Me For You

Jesse

Jesse and June’s Happily Ever After

O ne thing was clear: June was avoiding me.

One week. It had been a week since the party, and I knew something happened that night. I hadn’t been able to find out what, but that was because June was avoiding me. My stomach turned.

The truth was, I was petrified. I no longer knew who I was without her in my life.

She was my everything. I was killing it in football.

Henderson, the senior QB, was still out, along with most of his backups, and Coach had been giving me more and more playing time in practice.

I was playing the kind of football I had always dreamed of, having an unbelievable freshman year.

But that no longer seemed to matter in the way it always had.

June had come to the last game but made an excuse to not hang out afterward. Things seemed strained, and I had no idea why.

I had to leave for an away game tomorrow morning, and I knew June was at her creative writing club tonight. I needed to see her and try to mend this chasm between us.

The only reason I knew she still cared for me was due to the chapter she had published about us—the story of us that had our treatments failing…the one that gutted me.

But even though she was writing us trying to find our way through an impossible situation and the love we shared, hell, it felled me. And those kinds of emotions only came from one place—her heart. Her heart that I knew still wanted us, wanted this.

And if she couldn’t see that, then I had to convince her.

Entering the coffee shop, I searched the packed place until I found a cluster of students at the back. A few people stared at me. It was amazing that since getting game time and helping my team get a W, I had become a kind of campus celebrity.

A journalist had heard about my story, of surviving terminal cancer by being in a clinical trial for a new form of monoclonal antibody, and it had gone viral overnight. People seemed to see me as some kind of reborn athlete.

I didn’t care for any of it. All I wanted was my girlfriend back. A week was too long to go without her.

I pushed past people who were muttering in low tones about my presence in the shop and stopped right at the cluster of tables that housed the writing group.

I found Junebug in seconds. Dressed in jeans and a pink shirt, hair in a messy bun on the top of her head, June was engrossed in what somebody was saying, brown eyes bright and showing her interest.

Some guy I didn’t know, one who was sitting far too close to my girl, looked up and saw me standing here. I could tell by his raised eyebrows that he knew who I was. “Er, hi. Can we help you?”

The person who was reading their work paused, and June looked over to see who the guy beside her was talking to.

She shifted on her seat the minute she saw me.

Her cheeks paled, and I wanted nothing more than to reach across the table to kiss her and remind her that she was my girl and I was her guy, that we were Jesse and his June.

“Jesse,” June murmured, looking nervously around the table. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see my girlfriend before I leave for Clemson tomorrow,” I said. I made sure I had her undivided attention when I said, “I missed you, Junebug.” I heard the strain in my own voice, the one that told her just how much of what I was saying was true.

The guy beside June turned to her. “You’re dating Jesse Taylor?”

The guy’s attitude was shitty, but I ignored him, still too busy holding my breath waiting for June’s response.

“I am,” she said to him, then got to her feet. She gathered her things and came to where I stood. “Let’s go outside,” she said.

I followed her out. Hell, I’d have followed this girl to the ends of the earth. As soon as we got outside, June turned to me. She had her satchel crossed over her chest like a shield, her stance was defensive, and she could barely look at me.

“Junebug?” I whispered. “What’s happening?”

She stared off into the distance. When she faced me again, her expression was lost, her big, brown eyes sad. “I think…” she said, shaking her head. “I feel we’re just going in two very different directions, Jesse.”

I felt my heart shatter into a thousand broken pieces, slowly, one excruciating smash at a time.

“What?” I rasped out desperately. “What do you mean?”

Tears filled June’s eyes. “You have football. You have your dream, Jesse. And I’m so happy for you.

But I clearly don’t belong in that world.

” She pointed at the coffee shop behind her.

“I have my writing group and Sydney and my online story. I stay at home and read books for fun. You play in front of tens of thousands of people in stadiums and have parties thrown in your honor.”

“So?” I said quickly. “That’s all just white noise. I only care about you and me.”

“You care about football too, Jesse. And you should. It’s all you’ve ever wanted. You’re doing it, what we prayed we would be able to do when we didn’t think we had a future.”

“You’re my future, June!” I anxiously ran my hand through my hair. “What’s really happening?” I asked. “You don’t have to come to the parties. I won’t go if that’s what you want.”

“I wouldn’t do that to you, Jesse. Don’t you see?” Tears fell down her cheeks. “You deserve all the acclaim, all the attention that’s coming your way. But I can’t handle it… I can’t take the attention.”

“What attention in particular?” I asked, completely confused.

June suddenly quieted and completely shut down, her expression shuttering.

“Junebug, please,” I said, and stepped closer to her. I wanted to wrap my arms around her, but she looked broken-spirited and frail. “Did something happen? Last week at the frat house, something happened, didn’t it? That’s when you began pulling away.”

June was silent for so long, I didn’t think she was ever going to speak, but finally, she said quietly, “They were making fun of me.”

I froze, and my hands started to shake.

“A group of girls who were all trying to get your attention.”

My blood went ice-cold and turned sluggish in my veins. Her haunted gaze met mine.

“They were mocking my limp, Jesse, my hair…” Her words may as well have been razor blades to my heart. “They couldn’t understand why you are with me and said it was only because we fought cancer together, that you felt obligated to be with me now.”

“But that’s not true,” I said. Gone was the coldness. Anger, hot and potent, built within me so much I felt like I was made of fire. I stepped closer to June and put my hands gently on her arms. “Baby, you must know that.” The tears falling down her cheeks were twin rivers that I needed to stop.

“It’s stupid. I shouldn’t care what people like that think, especially cruel people who want nothing more than to rip others down. But it just made me feel so damn inferior, Jesse.”

“You’re not,” I said through clenched teeth. “Never think that, Junebug. You’re beautiful, amazing. God, June, you’re the reason I’m alive right now, the reason I have this. Without you by my side, I don’t care about football.”

June stared at the ground. My heart joined that stare.

She was done—I could see it in her defeated stance.

“I don’t have a thick skin, Jesse. And maybe they’re right, maybe we wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for the ranch.

Maybe we held on to each other through the cancer and just didn’t know when to walk away. ”

She could have shot me, and it would have hurt less. “You don’t mean that,” I said, voice shaking with fear. She had me terrified right now. June didn’t say anything in response. I stepped back. “So, what? You’re walking away from this, from us? After everything?”

June’s shoulders sagged. “I think we should spend some time apart. Just take a breather, focus on ourselves for a while. Just…breathe.”

“You’re breaking up with me?” I whispered, feeling like the earth had given out beneath me.

June’s eyes snapped up to meet mine. “Never,” she said vehemently, and it was the only comfort I’d gotten from her in this entire messed-up conversation.

“But I just…I need to not be so in the spotlight for a while, need some boring in my life.” She shook her head but kept my gaze.

“The past few years have been a roller coaster. For us both. I just need calm for a while, to find my feet here at college without the fanfare and judgment.”

“And I’m not calming for you?” I asked. I was beginning to feel numb. Torn.

June stepped forward and put her hand on my cheek.

I leaned into her soft, warm palm. “Please…just a small amount of time,” she said.

“I promise. I…” Her breathing hitched. “I feel overwhelmed, and honestly, what those girls said…I don’t feel like I’m strong enough to deal with that kind of scrutiny just yet.

I’m still recovering emotionally, and I know you are too. I just…”

“I understand,” I said, and I did. June was more introverted than extroverted.

She liked the comfort of her small group of friends, her passion that was the personal connection between her soul and the page.

I was loud and loved being in the center of the stadium.

I loved the thrill of football, of laying everything on the line.

What those girls said had clearly shredded her. I knew she was self-conscious about her hair, about her limp. She had struggled when we first got together. But I’d never seen her as anything less than perfection. The fact that they had caused her this much pain made me want to scream.

“I understand,” I repeated and kissed her palm. Then I leaned in and kissed her lips. They were soft and still had the taste of cinnamon that she sprinkled on her coffee. “Just don’t be gone too long, okay?” I said, voice hoarse, and kissed her again. “You’re still my girl, my soulmate…my Junebug.”

“Thank you,” she said, clearly relieved that I wasn’t fighting back.

With tears in my eyes, I raised my fist. “Group two for the win.”

June raised her fist and bumped it against mine, bottom lip trembling. “Group two for the win.”

I gave her a sad smile. “Good night, Junebug,” I said and walked back in the direction of my dorm. I had to leave now, or I’d drop to my knees and beg her to stay. But I couldn’t be selfish. I had to give her this time alone, even if it broke my soul to do so.

“Sleep tight,” she whispered, but I didn’t turn back around.

I was pretty sure I left both my heart and soul in her hands. She would come back to me soon. And I’d wait for that day to arrive.

I’d wait forever if I had to.