Page 34 of Wrap Around (Forbidden Goals #7)

"I don't know how to talk about this!"

"Okay. Set the scene. Where were you?"

"In our hotel room. Alone," I add, guessing what she'd ask next.

Lily nods approvingly. "Good. And what were you wearing?"

I cough. "Our game day suits, but my shirt was off. It was after the game in Allentown where I got hurt."

"Nice." She thinks again. "Not about getting hurt. I meant the shirt off thing."

Suppressing a snort, I continue, "He was upset that I got hurt. "

"Aww."

"Yeah, so upset he pushed my back against the wall and held me there."

One eyebrow raises, but her expression is entirely unreadable. She huffs when I take too long to continue. "Well, don't stop there! This is better than reality TV. How exactly was he holding you?"

My face burns. "He had a hand here," I put my free hand at the base of my neck. "And the other one was… I don't know. Everywhere? But it ended up sort of on my leg."

"Your leg?" She looks confused now.

"Like, here," I say, lifting my leg off the couch enough to gesture to the back of my thigh.

Her mouth gapes open. "My, my…" she takes a sip of her wine, flustered. I seal my lips shut and pretend to watch Addy for a minute. She's laying inside the toy basket, on her back with her legs over the edge, kicking her little feet and singing to herself.

Tentatively cutting my eyes over to Lily, she's watching me very intently, waiting, no doubt, for whatever I'm holding back.

"Silas Isaac Caldwell…"

I scoff a laugh at her tone. "Ma'am?"

"You might as well just tell me the rest, because we both know I will annoy you until you confess it on your last dying breath. If you ever want whatever happened to happen again, you better spill it."

"Fine." I look pointedly into my now half empty glass of wine and refuse to make eye contact. "He pushed me against the wall, kissed me so hard my lip started bleeding, and grinded on me until…"

" Until ?"

"Well, you know—" I gesture vaguely and wonder if it's possible for my face to get any hotter or if I'm about to stroke out .

"Silas! You damn well know I don't know shit!"

"Know shit!" Addy parrots in her tiny, squeaky voice from inside the toy basket, feet straight up in the air.

Lily points. "That was your fault."

"Mmmhmm."

Lily gestures for me to get on with the telling of the things.

"We both… finished ?"

I raise my eyebrows, wondering just how much she still doesn't know.

We've definitely talked about how woefully uninformed we were before, and I told her about the time Gideon and I accidentally watched porn on one of the school computers and how it absolutely confirmed that I was not interested in doing that with a woman.

I wouldn't tell her what it was we saw, so she said she was going to do her own research.

The next day she said, "I don't think I'm interested in that," and that was it.

I'd assume she knows a bit more than she did when she got pregnant at barely seventeen, but it's not like I've asked.

We're recovering from religious repression, and that shit doesn't just heal overnight.

However interested in sex we might be, it's still not easy to talk about in this much detail.

Lily gasps when she gets it. "Oh. Oh! " I should probably get her some eye drops or something, because it cannot be healthy to go this long without blinking.

"Well damn. Go big brother," she mutters under her breath.

Then she makes a face and shudders. "I'm almost afraid to ask what happened this weekend, but I desperately need to know and will not be able to eat, sleep, or live without knowing. "

I bark out a laugh. "I don't think I can handle telling you in as much detail, so you're going to have to deal with me being a bit more vague. "

She scrunches her nose. " Ugh. Fine. Whatever. Spill!"

"Gideon walked in on me in a state of undress. It made him angry for some reason."

"Because you're an evil, slutty temptress, duh," she deadpans.

I give her a pointed, but begrudgingly amused, look. "Well, he reacted pretty similarly as before, only there were significantly less clothes and he…"

I must wince or something, because Lily suddenly looks concerned. "Did he hurt you?"

"No, nothing like that. I mean, it did hurt, but it's not like I didn't want him to do it. I definitely encouraged him."

She seems to pick up on my meaning. "But...Wasn't that your–"

"First time? Yeah."

Lily's my best friend. We're a bit repressed, but we have talked about stuff here and there. She's tried to encourage me to go out and experiment discreetly, and I've mentioned the same to her. But Lily hasn't felt interested, and the few times I went looking, I just didn't feel right about it.

"Did he know that?"

Shaking my head slowly, I say, "No. I didn't tell him. I didn't think he would have gone through with it if he’d known. Once he figured it out, he stopped, kind of freaked out about it even though I told him I was fine."

"Were you fine?"

"Yeah. I mean, okay, it was rougher than I expected. And it did hurt but I think it's supposed to at first, right?"

She shrugs. "I think I'm the wrong person to ask about that."

"But– "

"I doubt it was the same, Silas. And I know you're going to ask now that I got all your dirty first-time details, but no, I don't want to talk about it. There's nothing to tell, really, anyway."

I frown. "You still won't even tell me who?"

"Does it matter?" She finishes her wine. "Maybe one day I'll tell you more, but not tonight. Your story is way more interesting anyway, I promise."

"Alright," I say, because it's not my business if she really doesn't want to tell me. If I really didn't want to tell her anything, she wouldn't have pushed. But she knows me, and she knew I needed to get this out.

"What about Casey Ives?"

"What?"

"He's the only person I can think of that might have the experience to give you advice."

"Hard pass." I grimace. I'd rather ask a Reddit thread than have to go through all of this with a virtual stranger.

"Well, just so it's on your radar, he might appreciate knowing he isn't alone. I think that night at dinner was really big for him. And you know you have at least three supportive teammates. Four, if you count my ignorant caveman of a brother."

Humming noncommittally, I swirl the last of my wine around in the glass.

"I just… I have no idea what I'm doing. I've never even kissed anyone besides him, and he clearly has some experience I don't. What if, after all this time, I'm disappointing?"

"Oh, babe, no." She moves from her seat and comes to sit next to me, pulling me into a hug. "He loves you, Silas. He always has. There's no way that it won't be perfect with you. Hopefully, the next time it happens, he won't be quite so… Aggressive?"

I huff out a laugh. "I don't know. That part was kind of hot."

She laughs. "I think starting slow is probably your best bet. Maybe some research, but not just porn because I don't think that's meant to be especially realistic."

I raise an eyebrow.

"What? Just because I'm not the Whore of Babylon the town painted me to be doesn't mean I haven't gotten curious."

Adaline gurgles sleepily and may or may not have just tried to repeat the word "Babylon." I didn't realize she'd gotten quiet in the last few minutes. Standing, I look down into the basket. Sure enough, our little parrot's eyes are heavy lidded and blinking slowly.

"Alright, ladies," I say, lifting Adaline and cradling her to my chest. "Time for bed. I think we've had enough fun embarrassing Daddy."

"For now," Lily sing-songs from the kitchen.