Page 27 of Wrap Around (Forbidden Goals #7)

Most of the time, Lily displays her independence and opposition to our upbringing with determined joy.

She celebrates her obstinance with grateful abandon.

The first time she wore a pair of leggings, she jumped around like she'd won something.

But there are other times that the indoctrination catches up to her, and she questions herself.

She cried the first time she cut her hair.

She fidgeted uncomfortably the first several times she wore pants in public.

And she almost had a panic attack the first time we saw a Disney movie in a theater.

Lily wasn't sure how her brother would feel about Christmas, but I pointed out that she almost had a panic attack before we went trick-or-treating.

And not only did Gideon show up, he dressed up and participated.

Maybe we haven't had the chance to talk to him as much as we'd like about how he feels about moving away from the church, but he's given us other signs that he's growing in much the same ways we are.

Case in point, the broad smile on his face when he opens his gift.

He immediately pulls his new t-shirt over his head.

It says, "Huncle: like a normal uncle, but way better looking.

" He laughs at the pair of funny compression sleeves for his knees that say "Fuck Around" on one and "Find Out" on another.

The last thing we got him, which I picked out, is a 3D model kit for a marble run.

His gaze flicks up to mine when he opens it, and I see the flicker of a nostalgic smile.

Gideon always enjoyed building models when he was a kid and teenager, so we'd started there to find him something he might like.

But this particular one brought back memories of trying to build elaborate Rube Goldberg setups in the church foyer when our dads were in planning meetings.

We'd always get scolded for the mess and racket they'd make when the door to the church office opened and set off the chain of contraptions, but we'd spend all week thinking of ideas to set up the next one.

Those are some of my fondest childhood memories, along with our summers swimming and playing around the lake.

Gideon smiles, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. I'll take it, though. If anything else, it's proof there's at least one memory that hasn't been tainted by time and secrets.

Gideon surprises Lily with a machine that cuts materials for custom craft designs, like the vinyl used to customize the shirt she gave him.

He jokes that she can make him all the customized t-shirts she wants, and he'll model them for her.

She's so excited that she sets it up right on the dinner table so she can start learning how to use it immediately.

Overall, I think our first Christmas is a win.

Just as Gideon is about to leave, Lily pulls him aside. I try not to listen, I really do. But Gideon's voice carries, and his sad tone freezes me in place.

"Thanks for inviting me over today."

"Of course we did. You're the only family we have now, and we love you. I love you more than you could ever know."

His voice drops so low I can barely hear his next words. "You might not love me as much if you knew everything about me.”

Does he think that because of what’s happening between us? Or because of the truth he’s kept hidden his entire life?

My stomach twists. His words punch something loose in my chest. I want to go to him, grab him by the shoulders and shake him.

I want to tell him he couldn't be more wrong, that Lily will love him no matter what.

That she's stronger and more forgiving than anyone on this planet.

That we don't have to keep living like this.

But when I step into the foyer, he's ready to bolt. He looks anguished, like even Lily's soft words might break him open if she says the wrong thing. And if I step in now, I'm likely to make it worse.

He glances up and sees me. He holds my gaze for a fraction of a second that feels so much longer and heavier than that. When he turns and opens the door, Lily looks from me, to him, and back again. Her brow furrows, but she turns back to the door and grabs Gideon's arm before he can slip out.

"There is nothing in this world that could keep me from loving you, Gideon. Whatever is wrong, whatever is going on with you, we're here for you. Always."

Gideon doesn't look at either of us, he just gently pulls his arm from her grasp and leaves.

Lily knocks gently on the door frame before stepping into the room. I startle a little, lost in my thoughts.

"Hey, you," she says gently. "Lunch is ready. Are you almost packed?"

"Sorry," I murmur, staring down at the basket of clean laundry in front of me, a pair of dress socks dangling from my hand. "I spaced out a bit. I'm almost done here, though."

She crosses the room and picks up a stray hoodie, folding and smoothing it neatly before placing it in my duffle bag. "Are you nervous about the games this weekend?"

I nod, not trusting myself to speak. We leave later this afternoon for back-to-back away games, and I've been dreading it more than usual.

Tonight, I'll be alone with Gideon again, and I'm lost on how to share space with him anymore.

It's so tense and awkward between us, and the longer this goes on, the worse it gets.

I desperately want us to talk. To tell him the truth so we can start from the beginning without all the anger and pain.

I know it won't fix everything, there are years of pain and mistrust that we have to account for.

But he needs to know. And I need to be able to tell him that I've never stopped loving him.

That I've never stopped wanting him. Aching for him.

I could have made peace with wanting him and having him not want me back.

But I know he wants me too. I felt it in that kiss.

I felt it in the energy and desperation that flowed between us Christmas Eve.

He's stronger than he thinks he is, because if he'd kissed me again, I would have let him.

I would have kissed him back, given him anything and everything he wanted from me.

I've been weighing my options, and I don't see another way around this. In order to move forward, I'm going to have to break someone's trust. It's not a decision I've made lightly, but I can't do this anymore. It's tearing me up inside.

I can't carry this around any longer, not with the memory of that kiss lingering between us. Not with Gideon finding excuses not to share space with me again. Not if the love of my life is going to slip through my fingers again.

"Lily?"

"Hmm?"

"Would you hate me if–"

"I could never hate you, Silas," she says pointedly. "I'll tell you the same thing I told my brother. There is nothing in this world that could keep me from loving and supporting you."

My chest cracks, and so does my resolve.

Tears fall, unbidden, and I slump down on the end of the bed.

With my elbows on my knees and my face cradled in my hands, I let loose some of the tension I've been carrying since we got back.

I've tried to bring this up so many times, but each time I let it go, not wanting to press or make it feel dire.

But it is now. It is. She has to understand.

I take a deep, shaky breath and look up at her with watery eyes.

"I need to tell him."