Page 20 of Wonderland Asylum (Wonderland Killers #1)

NINETEEN

Hope

Does Kai have an ulterior motive for allowing me to go to the party?

-Presley Kate

Since agreeing to let me come to the party Kai has basically been up my ass and not in the fun way. He's gone from watching my every move to placing me in a figurative chokehold, which again is not in the fun way.

He's an intense person on a good day, but his current mood is something different. He knows I'm up to something. He's always been in tune to my moods, and has been staying with me at night instead of his frat house.

He hasn’t tried to touch me sexually again but I’ve woken up every morning in his arms. Which has been Heaven, but the initial euphoria it brings never lasts.

Neither of my stepbrothers have forgiven me for lying to him about Leo though, as if my orgasm denial wasn’t enough punishment. Kai’s said more than once that he should tie me up for it. I’m not opposed to such torture, but I can’t say that out loud.

I have to be smarter about Leo this time. My night with them in the rain did nothing but solidify my reasons for wanting to put some distance between us.

I’m hoping that when I start dating someone else that it’ll put a stop to the fucked up mixed signals they keep putting out. Which would be nice.

AJ: Let's go, Bitch!

Me: I'm coming Twatwaffle!

Turning around in my floor length mirror I study my reflection. My long sleeved dress is mid-thigh in length. The crushed red velvet material is beautiful, and it has a see through corset top with a matching bra. Kai is going to lose his mind when he sees it, but I won’t have time to change.

Sadly, one side of my hair didn't curl as well as the other, and my makeup seems more lackluster than usual, but I’m still a dime piece. It’s just the way it goes sometimes.

The dark circles under my eyes are courtesy of lying next to Kai at night and not daring to touch him. Every night when he's snuggled in next to me my flight or fight response has kicked in. Which equals me tossing and turning for hours, and him sleeping like the damn dead. I hate men.

I wonder what he would do if I had the confidence to act on what I’m feeling. Would he reject me or set my soul on fire again? But that’s a dangerous thought, and the brazenness I felt the other night has run for the hills.

Kai was pissed that I wasn’t ready for the game when he came to pick me up for it. He’d told me this morning what time he’d be back, and I’d waited until the last minute to get a shower.

Which was a very premeditated move on my part. I couldn't take a chance that he'd grill me about my motives for coming to tonight's party. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it would take him two seconds to get me to admit that I’m meeting Leo.

I always attend his games, but I hardly ever go to the after parties. He always travels with the team to the big parties. So, my fingers are crossed that we won’t meet up until the actual event.

Kai is a creature of habit, and winning makes him horny as hell. He’ll wander off for a meaningless hook up, and I’ll be left to my own devices.

I always hate him for a few weeks after he leaves me, and not because he's done anything wrong, but because I'll never know what it feels like to be completely lost in him. In either of them, and that sucks.

I’ll never get over not knowing what it feels like to have them inside of me. Which means I’m the mirror image of my mother pre-Doug.

I have to get them out of my system somehow, and that’s exactly what tonight is all about. It’s my turn to explore my options.

Even if they'll never know, it's my way of saying fuck you. I don't think I'll have sex with Leo tonight, but who knows. I'll only have about thirty minutes while Kai does his thing, and I don't want my first time to be rushed. However, foreplay is definitely on the menu as far as I'm concerned.

AJ: Bitchhhhhhh!

I laugh, because she's my favorite. Taking the elevator down to the parking garage, I hurry toward my best friend's decked out suv before she leaves me. She may be unconventional in many ways, but she's a stickler for time management. Being late is her biggest pet peeve.

Shooting her an apologetic look, I jump in. "Sorry."

She huffs. "I'll let it slide this time."

I roll my eyes. "You know you love me."

She laughs heartily before turning serious. "Do you know what's been bugging me all week?"

"No, is everything okay??"

"Yeah, but the better question is will you be? Do you know what these masked parties entail?"

I panic. "No, I didn't even know that it was a masked party. Do we need to bring our own?"

She chuckles softly. "No, you don’t have to worry, they will supply them. This is one big orgy, I mean like come is flying at you and there isn't a safe place to run."

My blush deepens. "Eww! Then why did Kai say that I could go?"

She looks at me dumbfounded. "Precisely, my point. Everybody hooks up with everybody. It's a no holds bar of alcohol, drugs, and filthy sex."

I've been to enough parties to know that drugs, alcohol, and sex play pivotal roles, but a no holds bar orgy is not something I've ever seen at one.

"That doesn't add up, Kai would throw himself in front of a bus before he let anybody see me naked."

My best friend's smile turns nefarious. "Exactly. The only conclusion is he's going to make his move."

Never. Confusion hits me like a brick to the face. I haven’t told her about me giving them blow jobs, but she knows everything else.

I shake my head in denial. "You can't mean that. Besides the heated glances, and his possessiveness, he's never given any inclination that he's interested in me. That's bullshit, AJ."

It can't be true, can it? No, he’s been in my bed all week, he would have made his move then. It’s not happening.

She's unfazed by my denial. "But is it? Think about it, Pres, he's gone out of his way to keep every male that doesn't have the last name Donovan away from you.

If he hooks up with someone he is discreet and hasn't touched Amber since she told you she'd fucked him.

You're the only girl he allows to touch him in public, and the only girl he sits by in classes.

I've tried telling you time and time again that their behavior isn't normal, are you finally going to listen to reason? "

Was I? I don’t think so. Listening to her logic would be risky, because with it comes a semblance of hope, and where hope is birthed the possibility of danger is always in its wake.

If she's right, and our parents find out, it would be a shit show. I stand the chance of losing my mom.

I'm under no illusion that she would pick my side against Doug Donovan's.

He's a god in her eyes, and while I've come to love him, he wouldn't let his reputation be sullied by his step daughter being his son's girlfriend.

It's unprecedented, and my heart wouldn't survive a rejection of that caliber.

No, I need to stop this at all costs. Being with Leo tonight is the first step toward my freedom.

Watching sports isn’t my favorite, but that sentiment jumps out the window every time Kai Donovan takes the field. He may not be the biggest rugby player out there, but he is the best.

According to all the major sports outlets, there is no one greater at the University level than my stepbrother. He could go pro if he wanted to, but he’s told me that while he loves it, it’s not his true passion.

His muscular legs move with more grace and agility than they should. He defies the laws of gravity when he sails through the air to make a catch. Seeing him in this element, his element, makes me question my decision to run away from him tonight.

My heart wants what she wants, but she's a damn fool. My mind knows the cruel reality of our situation. It knows that if I ever got another taste of the Donovan brothers, I'd never be the same. I'd be addicted, and I wouldn't survive the fall.

We’d never be able to go back to the relationship we have now. The other night could have ruined what we have. I can’t chance it again.

If I lost them, I'd have to change my name and join the peace corps or something drastic like that. There would be no other way of surviving for me.

The announcer's voice echoes throughout the night bringing me out of my despair. As he calls Kai’s name the crowd goes wild. That’s my cue to jump up and scream his name like I always do.

He runs out with one arm raised high above his head, his confidence rolls off of him in waves. An electric current follows his gaze as his eyes land on me.

For a fleeting moment a smile brightens his face, but all too soon his expression darkens into something else. Something heated and laced with untamed promises.

If I had any doubts about my earlier conversation with AJ, well I don't now. He means to have me, and rarely does Kai Donovan not get what he wants.

After the National Anthem he releases me from the vise-like grip of his gaze. With his attention back on the game, I push out a ragged breath.

AJ slaps my thigh in excitement, making me pinch hers in retaliation. I grunt. "Ouch, you sadist."

She laughs, rubbing the spot where I unleash my fury on her thigh. "That's exactly what you're going to yell at Kai after he pops your cherry."

Clamping her mouth shut with my hand, I whisper my disapproval. "O-M-G. Could you be any louder, I'm not sure people in the mountains of north Georgia heard you?"

She shrugs. "Don't deflect, you know him and those rugby moves are coming for you."

I shake my head. "I can't do it, I'd never make it out alive. We need to come up with some sort of scheme to get me away from him. So that I can hook up with Leo instead."

My best friend, studies me for a long while. She's trying to decipher if what I've said is truly what I want. In all honesty, I don't know. All I know at this point in time is that Leo is the best option for me tonight.