Page 19 of Wildly Yours (Owl Creek #3)

M y body is jello. If it weren't for Cody's arm wrapped around my waist holding me up, I would have already fallen to the floor. Because he has turned me to jello. Every tendon, every organ, every bone has lost its integrity.

His lips are as wild as I remember, his tongue as sinful. And I don't know which one of us is crying but it's like our touch has unleashed the longing and agony of being apart all these years and our bodies are responding with the release of an ocean of regret.

He stops kissing me and leans his forehead against mine. It's whiplash for my lady parts.

"I don't want to push this. I've been wanting to kiss you again for so long. But I don't want to push this."

As much as I want him to pick me up and carry me to my room wedding night style and ravage me until I forget the last seven years, I know he's right.

I may have forgiven him, but I don't believe that one conversation has fixed this.

Fixed us. I need time. I need to know this is real.

Because I'll be damned if I'm going to give him my heart again without being sure.

"I think that's wise. Why don't you order that pizza and I'll get settled in."

While my heart, mind, and lady parts try to sync up, I reluctantly hobble to the couch.

I think I must have just leveled up as a zen master with the amount of control I just managed, walking away from his touch.

From his skin. From his strong, wild, mountain man scent.

While he grabs a blanket, pillows to prop up my leg, the remote for the T.V.

, a box of tissues because he knows I'm a movie crier, and a glass of red wine, I send an apology to my lady parts.

Cody orders my favorite pizza, and without asking, he remembers my toppings. When I'm all settled in, he sits in the recliner next to me.

"I can stay if you want me to."

"If this were one of my romcoms, then we'd already be naked and planning our wedding. But this is real life, and I need to think about my real feelings and what I want. And in real life, I need to do that alone."

"What do you want?"

"I want a committed relationship with someone who I can count on."

"Ah. And that's the part you are unsure of."

"Yeah. Like I said, I forgive you but…"

Cody takes a long pull from his beer.

"Of course. I need to think about things too. And I need to work on that grant proposal now that there's matching funds." He stands up and pulls his phone out of his pocket and starts typing while he walks his bottle to the kitchen.

I want him to stay. But I need to be alone. I don't know how else to figure myself out.

***

I wake up with the blanket pulled over my head, and a throb in my ankle. A quick glance around the room and I see it's the middle of the night. I swallow another ibuprofen for the pain, and then grab my crutches to get to the bathroom.

When I glance in the mirror I see pillow creases on my face, and salty streaks on my cheeks. That's when I remember I cried myself to sleep after Cody left.

I don't know how to do this with him. I don't know how to move past what he did.

My body yearns for him—his forest scent, his soft kisses, his strong arms. But my heart is screaming at me to run.

And my head is reminding me that I don't have all the information.

I don't know what he wants. I could feel the pressure building in his pants when he was pressed against me last night, but that doesn't mean he wants what I want. That much I know for sure.

I clean myself up and then pull off my clothes and slip into my bed naked, except for the bandages that are wrapped around my ankle.

The sheets are soft and cool against my skin, the gentle touch reminding me of the first and only night Cody and I were together.

We'd been close for so many years, and been through so much together, I thought taking our relationship to the next level was only natural.

I couldn't imagine us becoming anything else.

And then he broke me. He disappeared for two weeks, and when he got back he ended us on a phone call. Why should I believe he won't do that again?

Despite the torrent of thoughts swirling around, I fall back to sleep quickly.

When I wake up, it's because there's a knock on my door.

I glance at the clock and see I overslept, but it's still too early for someone to be on my stoop.

I hop to my closet and pull out a robe, then hobble to the door to see who it is.

When I peek through the peephole my heart skips a beat.

Cody is standing on my front stoop with a bag and a grin. The sight of him here makes me wobbly. I want to open the door and leap into his arms, but my heart is sending out warning signals. Red alert!

I open the door, because how can I turn away from him? He was my beacon when my sister moved away, leaving me alone with the increasingly isolating and irrational behavior of my parents. He was the only man I've ever truly craved. Not just physically, but emotionally and intellectually.

"How are you feeling this morning?"

"Depends on what's in the bag. I was still sleeping when you rudely decided to show up unannounced."

"Okay, so you definitely need coffee. I brought breakfast."

I follow him into the kitchen where he watches me ease into a chair before grabbing another one to raise my foot. Then he unwraps my bandage to check for swelling and bruising.

"Looks pretty good. How does it feel?"

"I think I'll survive. What did you bring for breakfast?"

"Your favorite. Cinnamon rolls that are still warm, yogurt, and a variety of fruit."

"How'd you get the cinnamon rolls?"

"As a regular visitor when the store opens, I have it on good authority that the baked goods are delivered shortly after seven every morning."

"I guess being the town hermit has its advantages."

"About that."

"About what? Where's the coffee you just promised me? I'm feeling a little salty this morning."

Cody pulls out the coffee and filters and gets a pot going. I see him working over something in his mind. When he's plated up the food, he places it in front of me with a napkin and a grin that could wound a less formidable woman.

"I've been thinking. After our conversation yesterday I want to show you that I am going to try to change. So I want to come into town more. Spend time with people more. My folks are having a family dinner this Sunday. Everyone is going to be there. I was wondering if you want to come with me?"

Political-me knows I should go to thank Callie for helping me with Blake.

We have always gotten along, but that was a real solid she did for me.

Girl gang-me would love to hang out with Cody's two future sisters in law, because I have been thinking too—that I need to open up to my friends more.

But it's the me that is helplessly smitten with Cody who really wants to say yes.

Who wants to walk in on his arm. To be wrapped up in the Barone embrace.

To be part of that family once again. To feel the warmth of his affection again.

"Okay."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. On one condition."