Page 18 of Wildly Yours (Owl Creek #3)

" T ell me why you count things."

Serena shakes her head at me. "So you drop a bomb like that and now you want to change the subject. Are you going to flagellate yourself for this, too?"

"You said it was related."

"I did. But I don't think now is the right time to—"

"Please tell me. Let's get it all out in the open."

"Only if you promise that you're going to try to forgive yourself."

"Can you forgive me?"

"Forgiveness isn't the problem now that I understand what happened. The problem I have, is believing I can trust you again."

"You're proving my point."

"How do you figure?"

"Everything changed for both of us because of what I did. You've become someone who believes they can't trust, and I'm someone who believes they are violent. You can't ask me to suddenly think something different if you aren't willing to do the same."

"It's not a matter of being willing, Cody."

"Do you see my problem?"

She traces a finger along the edge of the cushion, and I see her lips moving as she looks over my shoulder.

"You're doing it again."

"Ugh! Fine. I count things because after you left I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder.

I learned a technique that helps to come back to the moment whenever my heart starts to race or my mind starts to spin out.

It's basically counting things that you see, hear, feel, smell, and taste.

Though I usually just focus on things I see. "

"Is it bad?"

"Sometimes. When it's really bad, I imagine a box in my mind. I open it up and shove everything inside and then lock it up tight. It used to be that I would struggle with sleep and stress. But then I had a severe panic attack and…it was like that opened up some kind of flood gate."

"You had the panic attack after I broke it off with you?"

"Yeah."

I move to the floor, shifting the coffee table to get it out of my way so I'm kneeling in front of her. Then I wrap my arms around her and tug her as close as I can without messing with her injured leg.

"I'm so sorry. Serena, I knew I was hurting you, but I never knew that I was hurting you this bad."

"Cody, no offense but how could you not? You were my best friend. I gave you my virginity and two weeks of radio silence later you fucking broke up with me."

I feel hot tears as they land on my face which is buried in her neck, and squeeze her tighter as she starts to shake. Sniffles turn to sobs, and I hold on with everything I've got.

It's amazing how much we hurt each other when we're just trying to survive life. When we're trying to do what we believe is right. I thought I was keeping her safe, when in reality I was doing harm. How do you know what is right? How do you know when to question your assumptions?

I feel her fingers in my hair, and my body releases a breath I didn't know I was hanging onto.

My chest opens up and I inhale her scent.

I feel her heat filling the tiny spaces between us.

This is a warmth I forgot existed. It's been so long since I've let myself be near anyone.

And now I'm pressed up against the one person who I love so much that I hurt her trying to keep her safe.

"Cody?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you help me to the bathroom?"

"Of course."

I look up and see her makeup is running down her face and her eyes are red. I stand in front of her and then bend to loop my arm around her, lifting her to standing. I grab the crutches and hand them to her, and then walk behind her as she hobbles down the hall.

"You don't have to wait for me in the hallway."

I head to the kitchen and put some water on for tea.

Then I think better of it and check her fridge for a beer.

I'm not going to leave her alone right now, so I might as well enjoy a drink.

Besides, Caleb is going to have to drive me back up the mountain later.

I pull out my phone and finally see his text.

Caleb: Hey, since I can't read your mind from this distance, what the hell?

Me: She twisted an ankle up at the park. Just being neighborly.

He must have been holding his phone when I sent the message, because he immediately shoots off another.

Caleb: Bullshit. You still over there?

Me: yeah, I need a ride later.

Caleb: The ride will cost you one VERY good explanation

Me: I'll be in touch

Serena comes out of the bathroom with a clean face and her hair wrapped up in a bun. She looks tired and I can't imagine how she must be feeling right now.

"What can I do right now to get you comfortable?"

"How about a glass of wine, pizza, and a blanket? I think I'll be fine with these crutches, but it would be nice to just fall asleep here on the couch after you leave."

"I don't have to go."

"Cody, I…"

"If you want me to leave, I will. But I don't have to. I just cracked open your last beer. I'll pour you some wine, order that pizza, and get you settled, and then you can decide what you want."

"I want this to have never happened."

"Knowing why I left?"

"No. That part I'm happy is finally out in the open.

Now maybe I can finally move on to something else with my therapist. I wish the whole thing had never happened.

I wish you knew that fighting with your father wasn't because of you.

He is the violent one. Was. Is. I don't know, is he even still alive? "

"I have no idea. I haven't talked to him since the night I sent him to the hospital."

Serena peeks up at me through her lashes. "You are a good man, Cody. You care about the park and animals, the town, and the people you love. Don't forget that."

"How can I believe that when I failed you?"

"Because you and I are going to have to make a choice to move on."

"Move on."

"Yeah."

"Does that mean—"

"I don't know what it means. I just know that I am choosing to forgive you. What you do with that information is up to you."

In three strides I'm across the room, my hand tangled in her mess of a bun, my lips pressed against hers.